Disappointment

 I talked to my mom yesterday and I feel like I am such a disappointment to my parents.  As I look back at the incident that only thing I can do differently is wait for administration to come to open the window or unlock the door.  Honestly I still think God had my back and that what I was put on medical leave did not include me harming anyone or doing or saying something I would regret later.    

My husband says whatever happens we will deal with it.  I felt also so bad when I talked to my union rep and she had me disclose all the times I got written up.  It hurts so much and many of the situations were not my fault.   I hurt so much.

I taught yesterday in kids church and I felt things went relatively well.  I feel so stupid and frankly don't want anyone to know of my pain or think I am crazy.

I have been praying for peace in the situation but I am also mad.  Mad that no one really came to my rescue except one person from sped.  I hurt so much.  I feel so much like a failure but honestly this could not go on and I still believe it was for a purpose.

I even think about my future options.  I don't want to retire but I see no other way to get free of this situation.  I even wonder if anyone would hire me after this incident.  God I need a miracle.