too much

 Yesterday was sure a crazy one for the books.  First my boss was supposed to visit.  She only stepped for about five minutes in the classroom.  Then my co teacher spent basically the whole morning out of the room gabbing with admin.  She said she was going to talk about me.  And the lazy aides did not help at all and I had good but different activities for the kids.  Then my boss came in and basically it was story hour for our group.  I basically ignored her because it was just a waste of time and I had work to do.  In the midst of this I had to do stuff at the last minute for others who are basically having me do their work.  

It is hard to do the right thing when no one is looking. 

It is the weekend.  I am thankful for a break.  Thank you Lord for helping me

Christ in Chaos

 Yesterday it was a series of crazy.  But I am thankful that the Lord helped me stay calm.  First report cards.  What  a mess. Last minute stuff and I am thankful the Lord helped me.  Then students freaking out.  Again calm.  And today my boss is spending the day with us.  Lucky us.  I am going to be glad when 2:45 is here.  Hopefully no more crazy is coming.  But if and when it does I trust in God. Thanks Lord and help me to be calm, slow and positive.  

AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO SEES?

 Last week someone came in smelling like reefer.  No one else seemed to notice it and my sense of smell is terrible.  Yesterday I saw things,  no one else saw and I am seeing how misfortune, jealous, anger , not fair and anger are drugs I definitely need to avoid.  I choose to not be prideful with this.  I am grateful and I just have to leave this crap in the Lord's hands.  

My worth and value is not in my job but in what I am in Christ and what he has done for me.  

My teaching has gotten better, I was able to do scary things, and I am learning to be more sensitive to the Holy Spirit.  

Thank you Lord for teaching me to do things right. Let me not look to the left or right and protect me from evil today.

Not give the Devil a Foothold

 Yesterday I did something I had not done in almost 35 years.  Please the bells at bell practice.  I don't know what came over me.  People pleasing or that I wanted to give something tough a shot but I helped with practice yesterday.  As I played (not perfect) I overcame my fear when I played the bells just 35 years ago.  I need to remember this when things get hard.  Remember how the Lord helped in the past and press on to the present.

Thank you Lord for providing me the strength to do hard things.  Let me remember this when work gets hard.  When it gets twisted. I can't change others but I can change with the annointing of God's help. 

a new beginning with death

I have been at one of my favorite places  sc.  I see even in death there is beauty.  I must die in order that new beginnings will begin in Christ

stand

Today I overcome report cards, progress reports, choir, lazy people and fi ally the fact I people making up stuff.  I lovethe song Stand. With the grace of God I know who I am

The rules that keep ever changing

 Today I got in trouble for checking on lies.   My principal called my admin and I got nailed for others lies I just hope I have a job and when I asked for feedback on my stuff I got called under the carpet.  I give up.  No matter what I do I get in trouble.

I pray for wisdom to not make mistakes.  That I can fly under the radar.  I can make it to Christmas and I give up on stuff. 

Grateful and lessons learned about my co teacher

 Yesterday was a better day.  Half the day the SW was gone and the whole day the lazy people were gone.  Funny thing was we actually got more done  

I also spoke out about a issue we were having.  I watched as my co teacher would not back me up in it at all.  It is sad to be constantly in an enviroment where people want you to fix things but when the rubber meets the road we can't get support.

That also is true for the admin.  We have a kid who is hitting and injuring others but they won't do anything about it and when I step in to appologize I get grief for the way I help handle it.

We just live in a crazy world.  I am learning a lot.  

People have a way to doing things and if I don't do them the way at the moment they want I am not supported.  

Staff can run their lives and no one has boundaries.

I guess it all comes down to we need to keep kids safe.  If they are doing things that are not keeping them safe I need to step in.

And despite all the stupid I can still enjoy my life.  

Blameless

 Today I found out my staff is talking about me.  Gossip is powerful.  I am trying to slow down and I feel like when I fix one problem just like the Whack a Mole another pops up.  Instead of being frustrated of what is fair I choose to slow down and fix stuff.  

And of course I will be applying to get out of here!

Accepting the unequal

Today I am just doing the best I can and frankly things keep on adding  up to unequal.   It is tough but I amtrying not to let it get the best of me.  I can't change stupid but I know God can.

Doing Hard Things

 I have been relying about how to do things that are hard.  I am busy working on a 5LL presentation for Nerudivergent learners. I am also talking about the phone thing with my staff Monday and actually assigning specific stuff on the kids.  As I go into recess I will be in charge of those who go behind the equipment and no more.  Time to work.  Less stress

I had a nice walk with my friend Spero.  I am excited about spending time and realizing my new stuff is good and that even though I am not the star that is perfectly okay.

A Good Day

 Yesterday was a good day.  I led two meetings and they went well.  I could feel the peace of Jesus as I released control and gave the Lord the situation.  Groups went okay too.  I also tried to interact more with my staff.  I even had some hard situations, manipulated some stuff that had been put off and dealt with some crazy.  I can't change others but I can change the situation with God's help. Thank you Lord for helping me with a good day.  Let me remember it when things go coo coo. 

Working for Average

 I looked over my eval today.  Lots of stuff.  Not all accurate but a lot.  I am working on five goals.  Better data collection, get attention before starting, using beh. program, slow down and use my crazy for good. I can't change others but I can with the help of the Holy Spirit myself. 

Shred

 Had my eval today.  Was totally shredded.  It made me such a wreck.  I will  work on them.  But I feel totally worthless right now

Pride

 I wonder why my life continues to be crazy.  I think it is because of pride.  I want things that are not neccessary God's timing.  I am learning that maybe one of the reasons my job changes is that the Lord is keeping me humble and trusting Him.  

Today is my eval.  May I be able to keep it together even if it stinks.  I believe God has brought me there for a reason.  Help me understand why. 

prayers, blessing and a beautiful day for a run

Today I lost my key fob.  But after prayer I found it. My couch got put together. I had some accidents on the way to turtle the race.  Despite my mistakes I got out of the mess basically.  Yesterday I found out I could retire in two or four years. And if I worked just a few hours a month I could collect ss too.  It is exciting to know that this basically will be the last year I am eval. And if I do more who cares. With God's help I hope to remain in CD but will keep my options open for Transition.   My nerves are basically shot but I have an end date.  That is good news I need to hear. 

I am doing better staying out of the drama.  It feels good to let go of stupid.

I am a but nervous with my eval.  I will get dinged on stuff.  I have decided to just be peaceful and accept what is given.  Try to do what they want me to do and journal on the stupid.  I cant change others but with the help of the Lord I can change myself

Smirks and Satisfactory

 This morning I found out that they are not replacing me for my job despite the fact I gave them literally three weeks notice.  It gets frustrating when I feel like I do the majority of the work and I hard get credit.  So guess what.  I am glad you get to see what happens when someone is there and the ship does not run because you filled the gaps.  

Also yesterday tech was not working.  I tried to fix stuff and instead of being praised for efficency I had to do a series of emails and told I needed to do that do it a certain way.

Also I was dinged for some really stupid stuff on a doc.  It was like they were looking for something.

And stating my feelings is not going to work.  They say stuff is animous but I noticed they discussed stuff I had stated either in a survey or stuff that happened at work.  So when I do any kind of surveys as far as I am concerned it is ALL FINE>

If I just make satifactory I will be satisfied.  After this year I will be off the hook for a few so I will just make it with whatever.  

I know I am doing the best I can.  I can't control others but I can pray about how to handle M with the changes in his behavior, D with diranged gradma, R with spitting and all the rest adventures. 

Not a Big Deal and Flexible

 Today the internet was not working.  I was pretty flexible with still having my meeting and also finding alternate ideas for activities when the internet was not working.  Then I had some help to figure out how to see a doc.  I can't change others but I can change me.  Thanks for being flexible and teaching how to do it Lord. 

The Opportunity to Not People Please and Not be Offended

 Today I had to make some hard decisions.  I could not worry about making others upset.  I just had to do the right thing.  Also I had several situations where I could of been offended with stupid stuff.  But I passed the test. 

Be Thank ful

 I was kind of being a pity partier and the Lord reminded me that I have a job, I get to do what I like to do, I have a good staff, good communite and get to use my talents everyday!