Yesterday

 Yesterday we had Tommy's Transitional Meeting.  Parents were not happy with choice.  They want private school.  They want afterschool care.  They just don't want to parent.  And the big problem is that they put it on my boss.  I felt so bad.  I prayed so much .  I am praying about how to lift my boss.  Not for my praise but the Lord's .  Show me.

My lessons as a whole went better.  I think the stuff I am putting together is good.  

I made the mistake yesterday watching a video of my former class by the teacher.  Not much has changed academically but they were all sitting on the carpet so nice.  I feel so bad.  But the Lord told me I should not watch it.

Well today i am off to a learning opportunity to work on task boxes.  I have been down that road at least four times before.  I will pray as it goes on that I will make them and be successful.  Frankly I am thankful for not being at school and leaving good lesson plans for the SLP.

I did not handle afterwards so well.  I was asked about it and I was too negative even though there were nothing to be positive about it. So sad it makes me cry for my student and my boss.  I am glad you are in control Lord. 

Feeling a bit better and still pretty tired.  I hate not being able to run.  I hate being sick.  

I am grateful for a husband who loves me, my parents who care, Mather's surgery went well, a good day at work.  I am blessed. 

Everything takes longer with medication

 I am learning that when I am sick or stressed I need to sit back and pray about decisions.  Not jump.  I know Lord that you had yesterday in control despite my stupidness.  I was able to function and Mondays are the hardest part of the week.  

I need to give anything I had a concern about today to the Lord.  Even small stuff and not react fast. 

Glad tomorrow is just a meeting.  I look forward to just sitting quiet. 

Doctor Visit

 Well I did not have the flu and Covid and I did not have a temp.  They say it is viral.  I am getting an inhaler, Flonaise and told I need to lose some weight, eat less salt, less sugar .  My BP is on hypertension.  

I am not sure about what will happen tomorrow.  I feel so incredibly stupid.  I forgot probabaly the most important thing.

I see where in the past I blew it and I did not listen.  

I am also wondering what I should do about Elevation.  I am working at forgiveness at Stone and maybe saying Goodbye to Elevation on Sundays.  

Pastor Steven had a good message.  I need to remember that God is bigger than me and what I can't do He can do.  I am learning to wait and not make decisions on spot.  

Well tomorrow is another day.  I will 

Today

Lots of cleaning and relaxing today.  Even finished my Pastor Furtick book and review.  Did a lot of praying 

Sick Day

 I am sick.  It is my own fault with handwashing, eating too much sugar etc.  Yesterday I posted some pictures of my students and my boss found out.  Why do I do dumb things.  I just hope I have a job.

I guess sometimes I am still this little girl who wants to be noticed.  It hurts that it seems like I am not noticed so much.  But it does not give an excuse to do dumb things.  

I guess when I have some spare time I need to ask the Lord what I need to do. How should I handle church, Elevation, etc.  

I sometimes look at others and wish I could do what they do but I know I have been called to a higher purpose.  

I give my wishes and desires to you.  No I will not be on the fast track to tenure in two years.  But I can do my best and try for four.

Fun Day

 It was a fun day without Mateo.  We had a good day with doing a snowballs .    Then we did a science experiment where we watched the marshmellows get bigger.  

Good Things

 Had a good Bible study today and I was suprrised with chilli at lunch.  I got something done that was super hard.  

A Clear Head

 Today started off kind of dicey.  I made some decisions that I tried to explain but it fell on deaf ears.  I know I made the right decision despite others made me feel about it.

I found out one of the people I used to hang with is sick.  I initally was ticked that no one knew about it.  After going though sickness last year I am particually sensistive to it. 

But I am looking at this as an opportunity that maybe someday God will provide a way I can help in this area.

I can't change others but I can modify myself.  

A Learning Day

 Mateo was extra active today.  I think partially because he was home and also other things I can't control.  The aide and SLP made some decisions without my input.  I felt bad for my friend.  She tries so hard.  I feel like they are just mean to her.  But then they started to turn the tables and blame me for stuff.  I remember that they are not perfect either and I stated I had a lot to learn but I was absoutely doing the best I can.  And for the first time in my 56 years I really don't care if anyone is talking about me or that I don't have it all together.  It is better than I have done in the past and I felt the confidence of the Lord I was doing the best I can.

I found out today my movie I had been waiting for came in and I was able to watch it.  Not as good as I remembered it.  I also found out that the fitness membership was not as expensive as I thinking it would be.  

I got home and Mike was in one of his moods.  I am realizing there are so many things I can control and others I can't

I also found out my friend was in the hospital.  After being there myself a year ago I really feel for them.  The sad thing is no one at church seemed to noticed.  Another reason I am glad that at least part time I am where I am.

Well prayer for tomorrow and we will see what happens. 

Positivity 101

 Today I faced some challenges from losing things, to someone practicing for Sunday as he knows my hurt not being on team.  I also had the opportunity to work on my iep.  So much work.  I am learning.  Got to watch a doc on Carol Spinney or Big Bird.  I also got to watch something on Michael English.  Good stuff. 

Nice Surprises Today

 I had some nice surprises today.  First of all I got to witness to my friend Steve and tell him all God is doing.  He also shared.  Then at church I was able to relate to several kids.  Then I went to my friends wife's wake and I ran into some old running buds.  It was nice to have some surprises today. 

I still need to pray about how to do life with my husband.  I know I need to take more time in doing things but I also get frustrated when he makes me do it all.  

Don't forget the positive things

Yesterday there was a lot to be thankful for.  When I got home last night my neighbor had done some shoveling.  That was great.  I had more time in my planning yesterday working on something I had messed up.  My new Hungryroot order came.  I made a good meal.  I got to do some fun things yesterday in my classroom.    It was a good day! 

Doing the right thing can be messy

 Yesterday I had to rat out one of my aides.  She is new and pushing the buttons to do her college at work and the courses we were supposed to do on our day off.  Initally I felt bad when I got an email about telling my boss on the walkie or text.  But then my boss stepped in and get her in trouble. 

I really tried to do my IEP correctly so I had someone come in and help me.  It was hard but I prayed for a good attitude.  I am glad I did.

I was able to control Mateo's behaviors better today.  He is so naughty. All I can do is try.

Tommy did not bring home his jacket and I let the mom know right away..  She sent me a bunch of emails.  That is so stressful yet she can do what she wants.  Four months can't come soon enough.

I feel asleep after 6:30,  I was so tired.  But today is a new day.  Ready for new challenges.

Listened to Pastor's after message.  It was really good.  I enjoyed it so much.  I know after I listen to it again I will get more stuff to focus on.

I did not get picked for something recently.  I honestly don't have the time to do it.  sad as it is I am glad I was not chosen.

Control and Manipulation

 I am learning about how people use manipulation and control to get what they want.  Sometimes they even use other peoples words and twist them. Also sometimes you use stupid to get what you want.  I want to be that person that says what I mean.

Back to Business

 Got back after a five day hiatis.  It was a challenging day and my sleep definitely was affected.  I kept positive with the wins we had done for Mateo.  I am also battling the stupid phone with my new aide and her acting like she can't do tech.  

I am blessed though for a quick mind, God's wisdom, creativity and a good Bible study.  I also made dinner and it was okay.  I was so tired yesterday but I pushed through.

Off to Tommy's meeting.  Please Lord help me to slow down and not make mistakes. 

Blessings of Yesterday

 I had a day at home with e learning and things went well.  I am learning how the parents want to work with their child and how to present more e learning differently.  

I had a exceptionally long meeting but I was able to eat my lunch and get some paperwork done.  

My hubby and I made a new pasta dish.  It was good. 

I got my medication increased with my nurse.  I am hoping it will help with the anxiety.  

Better than Before

 Yesterday was a good day.  Just some surprises like e learning today and I had to get stuff together at the last minute.  I visited Diane and we had a nice lunch.  Mike and I enjoyed some Everybody Loves Raymond. 

I am learning instead of freaking out I just need to pray and allow myself to be human.  

Despite the inconviences of today I need to remember to not forget the past and how things are better now. 

Gods will not my will

 Yesterday I got to go to Elevation.  It was a good message.  The only thing that made me feel bad was that I will never have a kid.  I guess I need to pray for what God wants.  Not what I want.

Also listened to a good message about the New year with Greg Laurie.  He is so talented and anointed.  

Mike and I also had a good time with supper.  He is such a talented cook.  I am truly blessed. 

Bitter vs. Better

 I guess it all started when I asked my pastor a few years ago to pray for me.  Some pretty intense stuff was happening.  He brushed it off.  Then later I needed some ideas for therapy so I emailed him and he did not respond but I contacted a pastor at Moody and within a day I was on my way to Christian therapy.  More recently I caught him talking about my mentors negatively and then I was in the hospital.  No contact.  No visit.  When I mentioned about my dad he stated he wished he had extensive heart surgery he could take a break like that.  The people he surrounds him I had this gut feeling that things are not good.  I am not jealous or bitter but I am beyond disappointment and so I need to do what is best for me in the meantime.  Thankful for my new job and that I go to Elevation every other week.  

Now I am looking to a new year.  I need to loose weight and change up how I work out.  I am waiting for the next step in my spiritual and social life.  

I have to decide what I can control and what I can't control.  How the pastor responds to me I can't control.  I can't control who people have friends with.  But I can control how I respond and what I put in my mouth. 

Pressing toward the future

 I finally got to go to the gym yesterday.  I had a fairly good workout and a chance to think about my goals for the coming year.  I also heard Charles Stanley do a message on meditation.  Something for me to add to my quiet time.  I started one of the books Mike got yesterday.  I am hoping that maybe we can share with what we read with each other.  Planetshakers was good and the speaker brought out some good points.  The air purifier has been good.  It helps with sleeping definitely.  Grace did some funny stuff yesterday to get my attention.

I did have some nightmares last night regarding responsibilities old job stc.  I will pray about it and decide to work on my weaknesses and focus also on my victories. `

Well now it is quiet time and some meditation.

A New Perspective

 Yesterday it snowed a lot.  Instead of getting angry that I was the shoveler I thought about how blessed I am to have the day off and be able to shovel.  I worked on one of my students ieps and I found a lot of mistakes.  Instead of being upset that I seem to not do it right I am looking at what an opportunity I have to do things right and learn from the past. Last I found out my former district did not cancel school until 9 minutes before arrival.  That was insane.  Glad I have a admin that makes the call super early. 

Inconviences can be blessings

Today we found out early that we are having a snow day.  Initially I was sad because I am ready for a virtual meeting with staff or students but then I realized that it was a blessing because first our admin made it early, and in the past the decision was made last minute with at least three to four phone calls from our admin.  

 

Next I made a mistake and my crazy parent freaked out.  My boss nicely told me that it was not good because I had made another earlier in the week.  But then I thought about the heat I used to take on stuff, get written up etc.

Yesterday as a whole was a good day.  The kids without Mateo were good and as I was coming home there was a group of geese flying south for the winter.  It was really neat to see the groups all in their v formation.

Also I spent the last of my gift card at the dollar tree.  Honestly I thought there was only 7 dollars on it but instead it was 15.  Double blessings.

Quad Blessings

 Yesterday I had a message from a parent.  I had to fill out two super long forms for a students.  Initially I complained about it but then I realized I just needed to do it.   I prayed So I did it and surprising it was done.  Then I really felt led to make a few connections with Mateo.  That was truly a miracle. I got an email from Elevation and they are giving me an advanced copy of Pastor Furtick's book.  There is a special group and more encouragement.    Last I sat last night with the husband we watched the second part of Pastor Steven's message.  How cool is that?  I may not have everyday like that but with putting my thoughts of blessing everyday i know I can.  Thank you Lord. 

A Great Example

 I worked with an incredible sub yesterday.  First of all she was super early.  Her name was Patricia and she just blended in with the rest of the team.  The kids liked her and I liked her.  It is nice to work with someone who is part of the team.  Shows me how to inspire my new aide to do the same.  

Snow.  The snow was not as bad as expected.  Little blessings and I will take them.

First Day Back

 Yesterday was one of the first days back I had.  The kids seemed happy to be back and Mateo had a good day.

I made two recipes and they both turned out good.  I did not stay within my points but I was okay with my eating.  

Thank you Lord for a good first day back

Back To Business

 I am thankful for my new job.  I look at last year and think about this year.  What a difference.

I look at kids church from last year and now this year.  Doing twice a month what a difference.

Yesterday was a good Sunday.  The kids discussion went well, the skit was good and my signing for the scripture worked really well.  Even the lesson the kids listened.  

I have new challenges this year.  First doing the goals I set out to do in my job.  Second a challenging student and staff that wants to do the bare mininum at times. Training someone new. Lord help me make the most of each day in 2024.

Choice

 This is day 2 of grattitude.  I woke up last night full of fear.  I felt like I was doing an impossible task.  I was in the midst of many people who I felt inadequate with.  I was lost.  I was overwhelmed.  I am so glad God has it all under his hands.  All I have to do is to seek him.  He has been faithful before and He will do it again.  Instead of looking at others for fear of failure I just need to look at him. 

New Year New Graditude

 I am thankful today for my many blessings.  I am thankful for my mom and dad.  I am thankful for my therapist.  I am thankful for my husband.  I am thankful for a new year and a opportunity to try new things.

I am thankful for new goals and directions.  Most of all I am thankful for my relationship with the Lord.  He is all I could ever hope for.

I am thankful

 I woke up this morning all in a panic but instead I am writing about all the ways I am grateful for my life.

I am grateful that this year is a whole year behind with my seizures, broken ankle and toxic enviroment I left last year.  I am thankful for a supportive family and loving husband.  I am in a better job and people who actually want to work.  I am thankful