enjoy where you are at

 Lately I have been convicted to enjoy where I am at.  Instead of getting frustrated, worrying about others opinions, and a Chris time table, things that are not my fault I have been focusing on what can I control and that God is going to give an answer in the way He sees fit.  And most of all He sees me doing all the things right.  

Yesterday I had to drop what I thought and let someone else get the answer.  I am also giving my mind rest and not worrying about how to solve the future.

God is in control and even though crazy has been given to me I can rely on God to have someone even not me control it. 

I gave this advice to mom.  Even though she is older the Lord is still using her with her relationships with other people.  I would love to be on a stage doing worship but frankly the stage that is available to me is not one I know that the Lord has me on.  I can't change others but I can let God change me. 

I look at all my wins.  I am positively impacting at least 4 out of my 6.  I am building a relationship with a kid that I thought would be such a problem.  My students are getting used to routine.  Good things are happening

Positives and Crazy

 Today was a full day with kids.  It was hard for them and the staff.  But the Lord is showing me how to balance my energy.  Also I am learning how to keep the teaching train going.  But at the end of the day I wore myself out with a kid who was just plum tired at the end of the day.  Wow was she tough and even with two teachers she could not be held down.  But I am done and home.  Thanks Lord for helping me 

Blessings

I am learning to ask more for help and say no.  I can't change others but I can change myself with God's help.  Today I had a donut that was amazing, got to run and walk despite the crazy weather, got a nice walk in and found out some things about my BCBA and that she is kind of cool.  

Both Sides

 Yesterday I finally took the plunge and faced my former runner friends.  It was interesting.  They were encouraging.  Not sure if it was a habit or just a slam to my slowness.  I am thankful for the years I paced but I see all the stress and trauma it caused me.  But as I reflect on this I realize the next time I see someone struggling instead of the typical encouragement just smile, say hi and pray for them.  

Last night Mike cooked super healthy.  It was so yummy and so nice.  I see where it was good for my body and my soul.  I slept so much better.  

As I reflect on tomorrow I am nervous.  But I have to remind myself I have had new before and I survived.  I am seeing though that I need to pace myself.  I can't change others but with the help of God I can change myself and my environment.   

More than a Chance

 I have been thinking about the things that have been a blessing to me.

First the race on Sunday was pretty hot but it all worked out.  I got two free race entries and initially I was bummed about the three times around but later realized it was a good thing because it allowed a hot day to be a safe day.  

Then yesterday it was more than a chance I ran into someone who had been a part of my past.  

I also did some crafts and also worked on school stuff.  

Last Three Days

 I started CPI training and the Lord convicted me that I can't look to the past but be ready for the future.  I also am seeing things I once wanted like opportunities and how the Lord is closing those doors.  

Also I was able to focus till the end on the CPI more than I had ever done.  I began to see how things were related.  Also I realized how poorly I was trained last year and how it was just assumed we would not need it.

When we were doing the training it was interesting how body orders were apparent.  Some of it was nervous sweat but others it was just plain stink.  

I think I like my new boss.  She seems pretty supportive of teachers and aides.  I like that.  Also I realized I have to step forward and do my thing instead of just dwell in the past.

I am also concerned about the difference between ministry and entertainment.  I like to be entertained but I am seeing that the direction some places are going are not my thing. 

Also changing my perspective.  I got an email about a former student with a teacher needing help.  Instead of being hurt for the fact that I was moved because of my ability I decided that I needed to make that teacher's success and that with my prayers she was put in the best situation possible.  I can't change others but I can change me. 

Keeping it Together

 Today I was in my third year of meetings for the cooperative.  I kept it pretty well together until afterwards when I plunged into a darkness and then just felt empty.

It hurts to put your soul into something and then it all disappears.  I can't change others but I can change me. 

A Different Perspective

 Saturday I was out running and I realized that I had forgotten to run for me and the Lord.  I realized that I had lost the joy and the pressure for performing for others was killing me.

Then Sunday I was doing kids church and I listened outside of worship.  It sounded pretty terrible and that Lord reminded me that I can do music, teaching and use all my gifts.

Last week I found out I was moving to another grade.  I accepted it but the reality is really sinking in.  I am so mad that the empire I worked on was for nothing.  I worked hard to keep my students learning, happy and behaved.  I worked so hard to keep them engaged.  I worked so hard to find the good in my staff.  I even tried to keep the peace with my bosses and other teachers.  

But just like that I was transferred.  It was not that I had done a bad job.  People begged to teach in my room.  Parents were happy and kids liked coming to school.  But like that I was switched to probably a tough situation.  I was ready for the year.  I was ready to hit the ground with a good foundation.  I had prayed and sought God's wisdom.  All for nothing.

So I have to start over again from scratch.  IT really sucks because I had the kinks worked out.  I had molded and shaped myself and the class to a good fit.

I asked someone to get together at church.  It was the second week in a row and they told me they were too busy.  

My sister in law has been wanting to get together and then puts off doing so.  I find out Mike's family is doing a funeral and we found out through FB.

Initially I was super bummed out.  What was wrong with me.  But then I decided that I needed to think about it a different way.

I can't choose if people don't get together with me.  I can't choose if people decide that I am not good enough for team.  I can't control wackiness of work and church.  I need to move forward and ask the Lord for his direction and that it is their loss and not mine.

God's Help

 Thursday was a blur of victories.  I am so blown away.  First the dentist, no cavities, then the DMV with the positive drivers experience, passing my test.  Then I got to school picked up my stuff and went to Diane's.  

Friday I went to the pool and had a good session in the water.  It was like I had not left and I had more energy than before.  

I also got my mandated training done.  

Also I am learning about being content of places or paths closed

I put so much effort on my pacing.  It stressed me.  I worked so hard.  It was not worth it.

I put so much effort in worship team.  Not worth it when I can do all my talents on Kids church.

Last I am seeing that doors closed are okay.  I am learning to be content.