Thursday, February 27, 2020

Where the Thunder Rolls: Super Control Freaks

My lesson for the week has been dealing with control freaks. With my boss with the constant fear I am going to be written up. To others who are trying to tell me how to do my job without seeing what is going on to protect their butts. I am tired of doing other peoples jobs and getting nailed when I do them. I am tired of fixing other peoples messes and even having to do things that I don't agree with. To having people frustrated and I don't know the answers. I feel your pain. Waiting for my teacher to view my certification. I am so tired. I choose to enjoy life even to enjoy even when the thunder rolls.

https://www.facebook.com/laura.forehand.9/videos/pcb.509684623299410/10221698341156952/?type=3&theater

Monday, February 24, 2020

Broken People

Matthew 7:1-3 New International Version (NIV)

Judging Others

7 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?

Every time she stands at my door or calls my name I just dread it. What did I do wrong this time. She calls my name to the office. I just wonder what is wrong now. I cringe knowing that everyone around me wonders like I am this five year old what did I do wrong now. Pretty much every time it is just something stupid or so insignificant it would shock others that it was an issue. Initially I was mad. Everyone is but I am realizing that no battles will be won with my wit and wisdom. It is better for me just to say okay and move on. She is a broken person and despite the fact that I am in the right I will not win in my own power. I need to be kind.

Also dealing with others I need to not let the initial impressions of others not be my assuptions of situations. But I still need to stay true to my gut.

All the people who disappointed me are hurting. All the people who have tried to destroy me are broken. My supervisors are broken. I choose to not be affected by them. I will just keep doing what I am doing.

Be Careful What you Pray For

Today I found out our assistant principal is leaving for another job that will be less stressful, same pay and less hours. Everyone is upset but I am happy for her. This has been difficult and I truly think she did the best she could despite the challenges. It is interesting how most people look at this by saying that how could she do this. I look at it as an answer to prayer. I was praying for her and now she will have a job where she can prosper and grow and hopefully be less stressful.

1 John 5:14

14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.

Thursday, February 13, 2020

Lack of Planning Results in Bad Choices for Me

1 John 5:14-15 ESV / 91 helpful votes

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.

The last few days have been a bunch of cray cray. Yesterday my boss who either was sick for a few days or took off came into my room and told me a test that was supposed to take just half an hour for a normal student I would have to do on that day. So being the resourceful sped ed teacher I am I buzzed through it in just an hour with even the stupididy of several kids birthdays and numbers being typed in. Then after school I found out that a computer glitch and my boss blaming me for doing things wrong resulted in my staying late and it made me late for several appointments.

Today without warning a inschool suspension student was put into my room. She was not a bother but it was not even asked but expected. In the past we were told we would get paid but that did not happen. So illegally this was done because a reg ed student should not be in a sped ed room.

I have been accused of doing things that I did not do. Called to the office like a bad kid and this is the eighth time I have been sent to the office for something I did not do. This makes me so angry.

I found out my mom is tired of me complaining and my husband has had enough. My mental health is affected. So much has happened from finding out a few friends had just been using me. Feeling used. Telling people no.

I am tired of stupid.

Monday, February 10, 2020

Internal vs. External

Yesterday I got a message about the motivational idiot coming to speak to our classes again. He is talking about GPAs. The funny thing is that parents are bullying the teachers to give them good grades. I am learning that I can't get learning to go on until I deal with the internal conflicts of my students whether it is toward each other or another person in their life.

Galatians 5:23 ESV / 5 helpful votes

Gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Until there is peace in my room how can I expect learning to occur. I am thankful for the less pressure I have and the small number of students but after the one student left with all his drama I am seeing that unless I take care of the internal in my classroom there cannot be instruction that occurs.

This has also been a week where a lot of kids and adults have been sick. Also there has been a few situations where I have had to deal with my boss and stand up for myself or my aide. NO MORE. I will just say yes and leave it. I am tired of fighting and worried about my getting written up.

I will continually ask for your wisdom Lord and just control what I can and leave the rest up to you Lord. Even though I may not seem like things are right on the surface I know that a greater power has my back in the long term of things.

It has been a blessing slowing down this year. It has given me a chance to really get in touch with my feelings and emotions. God is providing me opportunities with my gifts.

Wednesday, February 5, 2020

God's Got You Moments

This has been quite the few weeks. First my situation with my student where I probably pushed the limits but I had to live through angry bosses and parents. But a student came to me who is functioning at a 4 year old level told me he was so sorry this whole thing happened. I have told him time and time again it is not his fault. That is not a chance meeting. The Lord somehow allowed him to think out of his normal patterns and it was a way for vindication for me.

Yesterday staff meeting was such a mess. More and more confusion. Less doing what is asked or required. People getting written up. No administration support. Just a lot of chaos. My students sick and still coming to school.

Having to do stuff that is other peoples jobs. Decisions being changed out of emotion with out my knowing. Having to do things I should not have to do and dealing with irresponsibility that is made to look like my fault.

Sadness instead of anger when I went to my inlaws. Emptiness in the midst of luxury. No hopes, no dreams. Just survival.

My pet dying. Knew it was coming but did not expect it so soon. He chose me to hold him as he died despite the fact my husband is the primary caregiver.

Working on a certification that seems to the typical person not important or impossible but realizing I need to keep going because it is part of God's plan.

2 Corinthians 4:18

New International Version
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

I am glad that today I got to see my situation at work justified. Had the pleasure of holding my dying pet and saying goodbye. The peace knowing the Lord will keep me healthy in sickness. Not taking ownership of other people's messes.