A Time For Everything

Yesterday I had a doctor's appointment and I thought it would be nice to make an appointment for my other doctor while I was there.  It is a pain to get in touch with my other doc because she has limited hours and she still uses a old school appointment.  What should be a 30 second process always takes half an hour at least.  So I went to my doc and found out I had to do a test.  So on my way to the appointment desk I stopped by the other office.  No one was there.  I decided to hit the appointment desk.  Then on my way home I realized I had lost one set of keys.  After checking all the places I could of left it I went back to the first facility.  It ended up being in the facility after all and on my way to check the other doc I was able to make an appointment with the doc I needed to and it only took a minute.  All my appointments I have for the rest of the year I was able to make on the same day and pretty much one after another.  I am seeing that God's timing is not mine and that I need to be more patient.  Sometimes when you pray you never know what you are going to get.

Spa Day

Psa 71:7

Tools

I am as a wonder and surprise to many, but You are my strong refuge.

AM

Yesterday I got one of my first Christmas presents.  It was an awesome and unexpectant surprise.  My friend gave me some spa stuff.  Normally I don't buy those things but the Lord knew I wanted and desired them so He used my friend to give me those surprises.  I am so grateful.

Pluses and the Minuses

Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him, bless His name. For the Lord is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting and His faithfulness to all generations (Psalm 100:4-5).

It is good to give thanks to the Lord, and to sing praises to Your name, O Most High; to declare Your lovingkindness in the morning, and Your faithfulness every night (Psalm 92:1-2).

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).

This week I have been learning instead of getting frustrated I will be grateful of what God has done for me.

First of all my classroom.  I have had some stuff misplaced from the after school care.  This is very frustrating because I spend a lot of money on my room and I pride myself keeping my crazy organized.  But then I realized it could be worse like last year or one of my students could make a mess of it like years past.

Then the crazy of the class with staff who does not want to work, the overwhelming at times of my students needs, the pressure of keeping everyone happy and the feeling of helplessness of things that are that should not be.   Then I remember that basically I am an island, no one bothers me, and I get along with most of the staff.  That was not always the way it was.  Also there have been things I can't control and some of it not even my fault.

I don't have to fear for my physical safety.  In the past I had that .  I don't have to worry about kids running away.  They may be challenging but I will take moments of frustration over safety any day. 

When I look at the plusses instead of the minues I look at my students and I truly love them and they love me.  Things should be different but they are not and that is okay.  Finally in my teaching career in the midst of common core and other things I can't control I can finally have a say and be right in what I teach.  There is freedom understanding that even in chaos it could be worse.  I will take my chaos but inevitably I know that the Lord is in control. 

Being Judged More Strictly and That's Not Fair

The last two days have been interesting.  First of all all this crazy stuff has happened from people coming in and taking my peace to watching all these people not doing their job and getting away with it.   Then today I was called on the carpet doing a wrong but it was just one thing.  Initially I was ticked off but then I remembered the scripture about being judged more strictly as a teacher.  I choose today Lord to keep my eyes focused forward and upward and if people are getting away with stuff and I am under a microscope I choose to do what is right and not worry about being watched or the frustration of watching others do stuff that is wrong or not right.  In fact it gives me a freedom not to worry but to keep myself with Christ's help moving forward.

Little Foxes and Hot Coals

I used to hate it when my first boss at my teaching gig would use the little foxes analogy.  It was meant to make us feel guilty when we talked badly about him.  He was insecure and that was his way of making us feel bad.  I now look at the scripture as a lifeline and realize that if I am going to be continually growing in the Lord I must keep my words from speaking gossip.  If there is something I need to change I will and if not I will just stay silent.

I woke up this morning stressed.  I felt bad the stupid things I said in the last days and angry at the events that had occurred to me.

But then I look at my life and all the good that has happened to me just this summer and fall.

I am succeeding with this classroom of children, I am doing well in childrens church and thriving, I was asked to come back to sing, I now have a title in Whole Brain and I am finished up two sessions of good fitness programs today.

Isaiah 6:6-8 New Living Translation (NLT)

6 Then one of the seraphim flew to me with a burning coal he had taken from the altar with a pair of tongs. 7 He touched my lips with it and said, “See, this coal has touched your lips. Now your guilt is removed, and your sins are forgiven.”

8 Then I heard the Lord asking, “Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?”

I said, “Here I am. Send me.”

Song of Solomon 2:15 King James Version (KJV)

15 Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes.

Again even if I feel unworthy I know through Christ I am worthy.  I can't control others and again all I can do is control what happens to me.  

Face is Sad, Heart is Happy, Grow in Wisdom: Living in Fighting the Elements.

Yesterday I wrote about what happened at church.  Today my co worker and scheduled a meeting without me again.  I have no clue what is going on.  What a frustrating place to me  My face is sad, my heart is happy because this experience will help me grow as I fight with my Lord's help this battle.  Give me words to say and the difference to just let life happen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIR24ubUf0E

Ecclesiastes 7:3 Amplified Bible (AMP)

3 
Sorrow is better than laughter,
For when a face is sad (deep in thought) the heart may be happy [because it is growing in wisdom].

Living Through Other People's Mistakes and Paying the Consequences for them

It has been a challenging week.  First of all I found out my current aide did not want to be in my mind anymore.  The other aide from the other class did not want to either.  It is hard to work with someone who you have tried to make peace and do Godly choices not like you.  I know it is not my fault.  I have been dealt a tough situation and I know that the Lord is using it for His glory.

My friend over the weekend kept on digging for dirt on my situation via social media.  I tell her to stop but I know she can't.  She is special and only wants to help.  I try to be kind but finally I have to just turn off Facebook and let the conversation go. 

Then today I did a few things in kids church and the outcome was not what I wanted to happen.  I was ready I was prepared but due to other circumstances did not turn out.  The icing on the cake was tonight when I went to youth group to meet the new pastor and what I had helped out with for the last few years had been taken over and I was completely replaced.  I told Mike I could not handle a fourth retirement from worship team.

Why did it happen.  I know I am blessed and that things went well as possible this week with my aide, I did well with the message about missions, my signing went well even with the glitches and I even did a good game when the kids were let out early.  It was not my fault that I was replaced on team and that suddenly I don't exist in youth.  I think about others who are less fortunate than me.

Then I come home and Mike wants to talk and baby him.  I just can't handle it.  I am hurting.  I am sad.  I am angry that doing the right thing seems wrong and I am getting pushed back to the curb.  Again. 

How can I tell my friend who is only 18 what happened.  I want to be a good example.  I tell my mom and all she does is tell me something else.  God I am hurting.  I am tired of taking the blame and shame for others stupidity.  I can't handle this.  I just want to hide.  But then I think of the kids in childrens church.  They like me.  I love my students at school. 

Lord I cannot change others but I can change my perspective.  I will not let others with Your help steal my peace and joy.  But I am officially retiring from youth even if my husband goes in and out of youth and I won't consider myself on worship team except as a special guest once in a while.  Too much hurt and pain.    Sometimes I still feel like the kid in grade school who always was left out so it was just more easy to play by yourself or spend your lunch in the bathroom where no one could say something mean or hurt you. 

I choose to do my job at school   and stand up to my aide if I need to.  I can't control others but I sure wish they would control themselves for a change. 
Romans 8:26
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.