Praying before Overreacting

 Today I had a situation where someone tried to gaslight me.  I could of reacted but instead prayed about it.  Instead it all worked out.  

Prayers about Mice and Little Dings

 Yesterday I prayed that the mouse would be caught.  I came home and it was.  God answers even little prayers.  I also figured out how to fill the hole in the garage so more would not get in.  

Also my students were playing outside yesterday.  Malachi does not play well with those who taunt him or ones that make him feel threatened in any way.  I dread going outside with the other class who is older than him.  I left for a minute and suddenly Malachi was out of control.  The other teacher handled it but she made me feel bad because she said in our classroom we are not allowed to do this and that.    Suddenly a ding went off in my head.  I don't need to receive that.  Criticism is not needed in my class by other teachers.  I am proud of myself that I realized that early and did not spend the rest of the day feeling bad about myself. 

Second I could tell my aide really did not want to go outside with the kids.  But I have taken turns with her and it is time for her to go outside.  And I am the teacher.  I can't change others but I can change myself. 

Looking at the past and walking to the future

 I was just looking over all the posts of the last year.  My bad bad boss is gone.  The aide who was a jerk is finally getting retribution and I am finally getting rid of toxic people and letting the past go.  Thank you Lord for walking me through these storms.

God's Timing and Not Mine

 I was reflecting on some things lately that have been happening and I am again encouraged that the Lord is in charge of my life and others.  I think about how my former aide who caused me so much pain is now paying back for her sins.  Never in my life could I even imagined that someone who has been around longer than any other staff could get what she deserved.  I choose to not be bitter but learn from the experiences.

Bye Bye

 I am so thankful for Covid.  It has really helped me realized toxic people.  I should of gone with my gut feeling and stayed cautious with this person.  I saw it in her eyes and my gut said watch out.  But I was thrown by the tales of change I fell for it. 

It went okay until my kid would should of been in the alternate school came in and suddenly I was the throng of no help help.  Then my eval.  I poured my heart and soul into it and all I got was one page with no explanation and average.  Then I was called in the office with getting written up for something I did not do but a mistake on my boss' part and all she did was lie to my face to save hers.  

Then I go in for the talk and my only suggestion was shut down with another suggestion that was so generic.  

I have decided to do what I am told but from now on I am not voicing my opinion and just being a good soldier and just doing what I am told until I retire.  

I look at you and say you have blown it more than the many times you  have thrown me under the bus.  

Help me forgive Lord but it gets hard when the toxicity comes out.

Learning from other people's errors

 Today I am learning about what not to do by having people do stuff to me.  It makes me angry.  Time to move on and enjoy my life despite stupid

The Blame Game

 Yesterday I sat in a meeting and it was basically a bunch of blaming.  The principal left and suddenly they were bad mouthing her, other teachers, they knew that my aide was lazy without me saying anything, and they loved the fact that my class has hardly anyone in it next year.  I prayed before the meeting and it made me really angry even though it was not geared toward me.  The Lord woke me up and I realized I needed to forgive those who had made me upset.  It is sad when someone has to big the person who has to always have the last word.  It is sad that my principal did not deal with things.  It is sad that my person for sped ed did not check up on things.  Blame, blame, blame.  Lord help me to forgive and move on. 

Stuff that Does Not Matter and Learning from Mistakes

 I have been dealing with lots of stuff that does not seem fair but really it does not affect me so really it does not matter.  

Yesterday my mouth went before my brain.  First of all I realized that the decision had already been made and my response should of been to agree with him and last to maybe get off the call when I felt frustrated.  

This trusting God stuff is tough sometimes but so important. 

Average

 I  got my eval back.  It was all average.  This has not been an average year.  I performed at least three areas of my performance of distinguished.  It is not fair.  

I watched lately and my boss is just walking around and talking to people.  The favorites are obvious.

I chose to forgive but it is still hard. 

With Spiritual Knowledge Comes More Responsibility

 Yesterday we had a teacher appreciation day.  The principal got a big sign and also a food truck.  It was really nice but again one of those notice me.  Then in a lot of the mailboxes were tons of treats.  Mine of course did not have any.  Last the principal had all the people sign their summative evals.  Everyone's was done but guess who was not.  Mine.  Everyone just signed theirs without really even looking at it.  No comments no nothing.  I am grateful for the food truck but I just wanted to scream.  I have put my heart and soul into this year and this is how you thank me.  No eval not real imput etc.  Last I have a student who I have been praying for these last few years on his temper.  He has made real progress.  I know God is working in his life.  He felt bad the other day when he exploded and even gave gifts to the teachers he was rude to.  He did not give me one and frankly I was glad because he knows he does not have to butter me up.  The teachers were just like aww how cute.  I thought it was kind of exciting that he was actually starting to feel convicted for being mean.  But there is something more deep inside I am wondering about with his behavior.  Why am I the only one to see this.  But then I remember with more growth in the Lord comes responsibility.  Sometimes my biggest fight is not not physical but mentally and spiritually.  I refuse to give up. 

Face Value

 Today was a day where I really could of gotten ticked off several times.  The specifics are not important but instead of getting frustrated I just took things as face value.  Much better way to handle life. 

Blessings

 Today I was on my walk and I found this perfect stool for my classroom.  This morning I found the exact type of video I was looking for my students.  I listened to a singer who sang the songs I needed.  None of it cost anything.  God supplies blessings.

Changing My Perspective

 I  met with my current admin and they were mentioning something about a boss I used to work for.  I realized the reason we did not get along is that he wanted to really push my students because he had deaf siblings.  Then she mentioned how well I did with Devaughn my autistic student.  Last I had someone come in and ask for prayer yesterday.  I am so glad I kept an open mind on things.