Death and Life

 I went into work today and my boss told me to go back to the old room.  She was pissed.  I lost my leadership position.  Initially the staff talked behind my back.  I just kept silent but the resource teacher told them to be quiet.  At the end of the day she said she really liked working with me. 

I read this morning about the importance of being kind to myself and others.  Because I am with Christ I can leave others with their dignity.  It is embarrassing to be at work but I have to remember who I am in Christ.  This mess was not created by me but others.  All I have to do is be me. 

Mike got Covid again.  I found my phone and id.  I also found the go gone fast.  God has got me. 

???

 I am not sure what is happening today.  I know that the Lord will do something through other people's mistakes and even my own.

Sunday I was encouraged by someone I had their son the first year teaching.  Monday I was encouraged by someone who told me their story and glad I am going elsewhere.  I had some encouraging emails from my prayer partner.  

I just want to finish and get it over with.  

Yesterday

 I did not handle yesterday very well.  I  kind of went coo coo and tried to do things in my own strength.  I also put everyone under the bus again.  

They told me I could not take anything home that was mine.  Screw it I am done pretty much with my stuff.

I had a parent complain about wet pants.  I guess I need to change her every hour.  She runs away from me.  

I am the tree that has been cut and my stump is rotting.  I pray that eventually my shoots will show.  My roots are deep.  

Crazy but

 I have been praying for a way to get Ava up when she plops.  The Lord showed me having her sit on a chair and then either going forward or backward she will go back to the room.  It has been a challenge with these two beloved rascals.  Ava likes to bolt and make a mess,  Malyasia just likes making a mess.  The next six days I will just focus on them and forget about other stuff.  Second I will pray the peace of Jesus constantly.  Third I will remember that I have been put in a crappy situation.  You don't put a druggie working at a pharmacy or a overweight person at a candy store.  

I got my loaner yesterday when I took my car in to get the engine light repaired.  The people were very nice.  I am thankful for getting my car repaired for free when I was the ding a ling who put diesel in the gas tanks.

Last my group leader sent a testimony I did for More than Able.  It went with the sermon.  I am thankful for the response and continuing to pray what I should do with Elevation. 

Stuff

 Over the weekend I got to sing the national anthem and had an incredible service at Elevation.  I want to so make the jump but I feel that the every other week is the answer right now.  

Yesterday it was decided that I would be in my friend's room but later I was put in the older sped room.  That was a problem because my rascal is quite the handful.  So I was totally unhelpful to my student but I got through it.  

This morning I woke up to You Say and God is on the Throne.  I also in the last days got a prayer warrior praying for me.  I am so blessed.

I feel like the others won but I only have 7 days left.  

Today

 I left school early today.  I was verbally threatened by my co idiot and went from bullying me to yelling at me in front of students.  

I went to the office.  Lost it and got prayed for.  Got a word from the Lord and put everyone under the bus.  

Talked to the director of sped.  Told the story.  

Retribution is not fun and I can't make this up

 I can't even write down all that happened yesterday.  Here are the highlights

Parent came in mad with other teacher. Demanded one on one aide. Admin did not support

Resource teacher and staff complained to principal nothing was being done by aides

Staff told lies about what had happened in the room while I was gone.

They took away from help from the child that was helping me that was mentally ill

I had to sit in a meeting with all principals and tell my side of the story and I put everyone under the bus

Resource teacher contacted district about the incident

Child was hurt at recess while I was gone in the impromptu meeting

Students were not called on by proper people admin said 

Room was left a mess after I cleaned it up

Still only one doing bathroom

I have to call parent or parents about stuff.  Admin won't deal with parens

I breathe on you HS, your strength comes suddenly and your peace completely

If I am appropached today I will ask to be on janitoral, lunch duty or paper sorting duty for the reminder of the year. 

Last 10 days

 

It has been quite the ride lately.  First of all I eneded up teaching most of the morning yesterday.  I am so thankfuul because things actually went well.  Thank you Lord for building up my confidence.  Today I started the meeting and kids went out of control.  The resource teacher who is not part of our class reprimanded the rest of the teachers to actually help.  The co teacher responded by basically doing the meeting again. I am thankful for my kid in my room who is 10 and is basically a better helper than the adults in my room.  Today has been hard but with the grace of God I am muddling though and the admin is starting to see what I am dealing with.  I can't wait till I tell the kids it is time for recess.  The other teacher says they can't go but I checked and I can take whoever I want.  So thankful

In the Middle God is Able

 I  am in the middle of transition but I am thankful I don't walk alone. 

I have been blessed by Elevation Church's ministry for the past few years.  But as I have been faithfully watching the messages I felt led to get more involved.  I have recently started going to a Watch Party a few times a month.  In that time Elevation Worship has had so many songs that have ministered to me.  One is More than Able.  I have had a difficult year at my job and I have had to make the transition. This is not easy for a 55 year old and I always thought I would just retire there.  All kinds of crazy stuff has happened but I kept on trusting God, claiming the worship songs including More than Able and going on job interviews.  The last interview I went on I visited where the interview would occur.  I wanted to make sure I would know where it is.  As I was leaving the site the song came on More than Able.  A few weeks later I was offered the job that had lots of candidates.  I honestly thought I did not have a chance.  And last week I visited my future school and see that I will be where God wants me to be.  Everyday at my current employment I am constantly bullied, harassed and blamed for others mistakes but now I have a future to look forward to.  I love teaching and working with special needs children but if I continued there I probably would have been burned out.  Thank you Elevation Worship, the writers and Pastor Steven for doing this song.  It has been literally my life line and I am glad through it I am reminded that I have a hope and a future. Because of the  ministry of Elevation Church I am confident that I will be able to teach and work with children longer than the negative environment I am currently in.   God is truly able. 

Opposite World

 Yesterday I visited the school I am going to be at this summer and next year.  It was incredible.  Everything I had tried to do this year unsuccessfully was being done there.  There is so much opportunity to be creative.  And  there seems like a better life and work balance.  So different than the rest of this year.  I need to be positive at my current job but I need to remember that I know what is best and no matter how others see me they don't have to get it.

I am still open to facing up to my mistakes but gaslighting is not acceptable anywhere. 

Trusting God at a New Level

 Today I finally got it.  At least during my devotions.  If I am truly trusting God to take care of me I need to take my mind on what is going on that is not fair for me.

Positives:

I have more equipment from a friend that I did not anticipate from her generousity.

Both times I had boxes in the parking lot I had help from the cusdodians

Ava did not wet on herself

The kids were calm during morning meeting

Challenges

I was one of the few who did not get a treat in my mailbox

I was bullied by staff

I was wrongly accused twice with my boss

I can't control others, I can't control me but I can ask God to keep my focus on the right things and make the choice to not make hasty decisions. 

Stuff

 I feel like everyone is trying to make me fail.  My boss tells me how I am not doing my job yet I am doing all the work.  

But I am grateful for the cusdodians who helped twice today.

Then I am given more work. So pointless.  

15 more days.   Thank you God I am not going crazy

Blessings

 It is so easy to get frustrated.  I am thankful for the Lord helping me whether it is another person or He gives me the widom aat the right time.  

Give It To God

 I am by nature a fixer but lately I have had to keep quiet when things get dumb.  I have so many things going around that are out of my locus of control.  But every time I have had problems at work, with my car, someone out of the blue has helped me.  I think that God is treating me to trust Him more and more.  Someone said to me that there must be a purpose for me if everything is going crazy.  Life at work gets more nuts.  People are being rewarded for doing absolutely nothing.  No one in my room helps me.  My boss treats me like trash.  But there is always someone to help.  

I signed my contract yesterday.  I am excited nervous but I know this is the right move.  I don't even have to switch doctors. 

I also found out I have a lingering effect from my diesel fuel adventure.  Looks like another repair.  But at least I can drive my car until then.

My Bible Verse is 

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.  I Peter 5:7

My Crazy Day

 It started off with me in a bad mood.  I am so tired of my job.  Then the class was pretty chaotic.  Then my aide is telling me what to do and I have to do it or she will talk to my boss.  Then I fell and my boss wanted me to get it checked out.  So I got to leave, miss a pointless meeting.  

Then my car got fixed and I met someone at the hair place that is a believer and cuts peoples hair with special needs.  

I reflect on yesterday and I am thankful I am okay with this injury..  It will allow me to go to school to do my job.  I am thankful for the visit to get my hair done.  It was not an accident.

And to be just right up the street from the car place.  So amazing. 

21more days.  I got this with God's help

Address the truth, live through the stupid

 I am happy to say I got through 6 children yesterday with the testing.  They paid attention to the screen and at least looked like they were taking the test.  

I mentioned in my email yesterday to the staff I had some themed sheets from the plan they made for my class.  Suddenly they were changed.  People want to gossip.  I need to avoid or not give into them.

I got my eval yesterday.  Initially it was not necessary to meet.  Now it was.  I listened to a lot of lies and I just sat there and said nothing.  When it was appropriate I stated facts.  My boss could not remember the eval and said it would be proficient instead of needs to improve.  She said the final decision was sped.  So I am not hopeful things will change and that it might even get worse.

I gave the car guy a call and he was hopeful.  I did not tell my mom of my stupidity.  

Again I chased, dressed and went to the bathroom with all the kids.  Today will be the same.

I think the other principals are seeing what is going on.  I hope for some support from them even though I don't say much.  But it is probably out of their hands.

I still pray for understanding and salvation for the evil three but I am not sure if I will see anything.  Last my boss bad mouthed a lot of people.  She also threated that I would not get fired.  It is crazy.  Glad for only 23 days left.

I woke up this morning to God will make a way and Trust in God.  I also felt led to who I am in Christ Bible verses.  

Keeping my cool

 I have had some really bad bosses but this year takes the cake.  First my boss is wimpy and constantly lies and changes her stories.  The aides scare her and the one I witness had a good report.  She accused me of being mean with everyone else, forgot most of the stuff in the eval and told me even though I had a needs to improve I was going to get a proficient.  

the keys to my room she can't remember who has them.  The janitor does.  It gets so dumb.  

Still waiting to hear from my new job on signing etc.  Still waiting about my car.  Hoping it is not trashed.  but the guy was cool.