Shooting off my Mouth

 Friday I was a complete basket case.  First I found out my amazer was leaving.  I tried to do the right thing but no matter what I seem to do it is never enough.  I shot my mouth off when my boss tried to accuse me  of doing something I had not done.  My co teacher in the room shot her mouth off to my boss.  I found out she heard what I said.  I had been trying so hard to stay out of drama, not listen to gossip and not have an opinion on anything.  Then I found out we have to completely change up our learning in just a few days since the Covid cases are rising.  What a drama with my superintendent looking for anyone who disagreed with her regarding going to teaching on the computer.  

I thought about what I needed to do which was impossible in just two days to get my parents ready to do this.  

Ecclesiastes 5:2

The Message

2 Don’t shoot off your mouth, or speak before you think.
Don’t be too quick to tell God what you think he wants to hear.
God’s in charge, not you—the less you speak, the better.

I am learning to just think before I speak and quickly learning who and whom I can trust.  It is so sad to work in a toxic world where people talk behind your backs, tell your secrets, and are only out for themselves.  It is such a toxic situation where trust is violated, people who fail are blamed and people seem to revel in ours faults.   I am learning to just keep my mouth shut, pray for others who are struggling and keep going with people who constantly change their mind.

I am looking at this remote situation where I have to teach after break without students as a blessing.  God works in mysterious ways.  Initially it will be some work but I know that I can with His help succeed and maybe a bad situation where there is toxicity I can move from it and be in my little pod and just do me and my class.  

Dog returns to it's vomit

 Proverbs 26:11 talks about a dog returning to its vomit and a fool returning to folly.  The longer I am a teacher the more I realize the more I don't know.  I refuse to do life as before.  Lord help me not be the fool today. 

Strong means Hard and Rigid

 New International Version

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

I looked up several versions, Strongs and some commentaries and what struck me today is that I need to be tough, hard and rigid.  Sometimes in the storm it means being that way.  Lord help me be that way in all situations. 

Enemies at Peace With Me

 Proverbs 16:7

When I am trying to please God He makes even my worst enemies to be at peace with me.

I am currently in a place where everyone is trying to get everyone else in trouble.  It is quite toxic.  I  would love to see someone get theirs but I am learning that this is not the best way.  My attitude needs to be one of peace and concern.  Even when things work out that I am able to leave Illinois School or those who have given me problems leave I need to be a person of peace.  Jesus let me see my troubled students and my enemies as you see them as people who need You. 

Life in Order

 Proverbs 24:27

New International Version

27 Put your outdoor work in order
    and get your fields ready;
    after that, build your house.

This really hit me.  I can't change so many things but I can be structured and think through what I need to accomplish at work and at home.  Thanks Lord for reminding that the flash is not as important as the structure. 

Calm in the Midst of the Storm

 Yesterday I made some changes.  It was a lot of work at the desks instead of carpet.  That seemed to work well.  Second I made some changes with more independent work.  That also seemed to help.  I could feel the anger of my boss yesterday regarding the situation.  I look at her perspective and i see why she feels the way she feels but I also know each day what I am dealing with.  So I just do the best I can, pray and move on.  

Last night was my last night of yoga for a while.  It went okay.  I feel like it was not my best night but afterwards everyone commented how much they liked it.  I guess I did okay.  Thanks God for the positive comments and helping me do something slightly out of my comfort zone.   I know it was you.

Second I look to today.  I want to do well.  I am so over what people think.

Proverbs 16:7 says

When the Lord takes pleasure in anyone’s way,
    he causes their enemies to make peace with him.  

I pray for peace today. 

My Fault Yet Not My Fault

 My students spent a total of ten minutes outside today.  Two of my students were just being really bad.  So they were sitting out.  Then we went in.  My students decided to not come in and the others were just being crazy.  My vice principal tells me what they are doing wrong and then tells me to go in she will watch the kids coming in.  One kid does not come in.  Then she does and I am written up for her not coming in.  It was only a spilt 30 seconds but enough that I could lose my job over it.  I feel so dumb.  My kids are wild and I feel really stupid.  But I look at this as an opporutnity.  No matter what happens I know God is in control.  Please forgive me for making a mistake and thank you Lord nothing happened.  Help me fix the mess.  Help me make the best of this bad situation and just work at making it work better. Hopefully I can move on and realize no one is going to help me.  I will just have to do it myself. 

Looks like my vice principal fessed up.  I have a bit more respect for her.  I was praying she would fess up but it still is another confirmation that this year will be over and either I will be somewhere else or my boss will be.  God is in control.  

Blown Away

 A lot has happened since I blogged last.  I went from sped to regular ed.  I went from upper eled to kinders.  Crazy huh?  Add to it all 10 of my flocks have emotional, behavior and mental disabilities.  But tomorrow I have 10 conferences  that will be challenging in different waysand I am blown away that God showed me how to do them. I will be talking to parents with academic deficits, future sped customers, Future Focusin and Adrerol Customers and students needing a therapist. One way was showing a house all of them will be completing.  Basic 8 skills that they should of gotten before they darkened me door but due to Covid it did not happen.  Thank you Lord for showing a positive visual I can help parents take the lead in properly parenting their child.  I trust you Lord when you told me that I was the only one who could do this.  I envy the teachers who spend 20 plus years in the same grade and know it so well inside and out.  I change every year and never master certain things.  This is my chance to get out of a failing system of sped and get some stability in my life.  It is chaos right now but if I just hold on each day I will eventually see the sense of this crazy. 

How to be in a Healthy and Godly Worship Team

 Sunday I got to see what kind of worship team I need to be in at the right time.  First of all the leader was spiritually, skillful and open to the things of the spirit.  She chose music that was simple to learn, a wide variety and easy to follow.  She used hand signals to the band.  No one in the band showed out.  Musicians only soloed at appropriate times.  They dressed with no one standing out.  The singer and the band was anointed and skilled.  All the glory was given to the Lord. It was music that the audience could follow.  It was in the style of the musicians but also to the congregation.  It is a tall order but in God's time it will happen.

Chaos to Christ's Control

 Summer has been quite the time for me to ask for God's control.  First a student who is so powerful he gives chaos wherever he is.  Spending the last few days of summer school just praying that I can get through it and trusting God for the answers in the moment.  Yesterday I had an experience where someone came in halfway through the class and caused complete chaos to a student who has been making strong strides to good choices.  I asked for wisdom and someone else gave me the answers.  I am so happy for all the experiences where I have a new opportunity to trust.

Now I am ending a few things and waiting for new things.  I am excited about working with younger kids and the opportunity to help kids as they transition from the pandemic to a hopefully more normal season in the classroom.  

Little Things

 I realized today that I can't change when a student won't do what I want.  I need to have a smaller goals and monitor all things.  Also I need to be stricter and monitor things to ridiculousness.  And keep my hands off kids at all costs. 

Glad tomorrow is it.

Not an accident

 Yesterday I happened to read on FB someone who was experiencing something that was identical to my former situation fifteen years ago.  I was able to share that I would be praying for her and that I understood her situation.  I know that was not an accident.

The other day I was sad initially because my boss was paying more attention to others than me.  Then I realized that she was stressed out.  No one else saw that but me.  And frankly I don't want to be one of her favorites because with that comes more work.  I don't need it. 

I noticed Joyce Meyer was at another church yesterday and I got to watch the program.  Definitely not an accident.  

Concern about today and retiring from the Chris show

 Over the weekend I listened to a lot of great messages.  Three of the messages were about allowing God to fix problems and not worrying over the stuff in the future.  There is nothing wrong with being prepared but sometimes when we have done all the right things we just need to allow the Lord to fix what we can't fix.

Yesterday I knew the fireworks were going to be crazy so I put on special music for my pets.  I really struggled sleeping and tried all the right things to be calm but I realized I should of called peace to my house and those in it.  I needed to ignore the complaining of others on FB who did not try to keep their pets and household calm.  Sometimes we try to fix the problem ourselves.  My mom tries to keep my dad happy.  I try to keep my husband happy.  That is good but sometimes all I can do is pray and move on with a calm delight.

Dumb dumb shared the worship experience with my husband.  He did not get it at all.  That is okay.  Calm delight. 

Closed and open doors

 I have not been in a regular services for quite some time.  It is hard because I know I wanted to be up there on the worship team.  Service started again and there was this dude that is getting on team that is even older than me.  I asked God why.  Then worship began and I listened to the service and the Lord took me aside and asked me do you really want to be a part of this without having an attitude.  I said no.  Without a attitude of the quality, songs chosen the Lord showed me really that this was not my place but children's churchw was.  

I am not sure how long my classes, my writing for the books, and the other stuff will last but this is what is in front of me and i will enjoy it.

Lonely but not going back to stupid

 Today was boss said hi.  She barely  did.  I know I am not her favorite person and frankly I don't want to be but it still hurt

My husband is still not home from work.  It is almost 8.  

I finished my class today and tomorrow is crazy.  My classroom is goofy.  I feel so out of control.

God I know you listen.  Thanks for being there. 

A friend of mine tries to bash one of my former friends.  I want to get sucked into it but I stay out of it.  

I know that person is toxic just like the other people. 

Dryer Saga

 t is amazing how a simple dryer can be such a problem.  First our dryer quit working.  I called the repair guy and he said basically I needed a new dryer.  Okay that saved 100 bucks.  Then we ordered one.  Awesome.  Being delivered Saturday and then changed two times. We decided to cancel the order.  Then we shopped around and found a better deal and a delivery date.  Then they changed it to the middle of the month.  In the midst of the situation dryer 1 company has now charged my credit card twice and we canceled two weeks ago.  Then my husband goes out and purchases yet another one and now we have a delivery date of Friday.  Frankly I am just waiting for the first place to deliver it and then cancel the other two.  It is amazing how a first world problem can really stress you out.  I choose to remember I can dry my laundry on a couch, stationary bike and all will be well until we get a dryer.  In the meantime I will remember to be careful with all my appliances so I don’t have to replace any more for a while.  I acknowledge this is stressful but it is not the end of the world.  I can’t change how others respond but I can change mys

Open and Closed Doors

 This week has been a series of more open blessings.  First of all finding out some codes I needed ahead of time has been awesome and I am seeing that when I have questions I can ask God before I freak out and somehow He answers them.  Also today I was not on a thread and initially I was upset but now I am looking at it as a blessing.  I realize that I can leave stuff on the mental shelf and I can deal with it later.  Thanks Lord for helping me do things your way.

Made for This

 I get discouraged but then I remember that there are various things I was made for.  Sunday I was running and I just happened in the morning to meet a runner who had Down's.  I also see where what I learned in the past helps me now with singing, teaching etc. It is so easy to get frustrated but then you have to remember you were made for this.  Thanks Lord!

Just Bye

 Today I was approached by a car that asked me while I was running why I did not use the sidewalk.  I did not know what to say and suddenly it came to me.  Just say bye.  He left.  I did have a witness that asked me about the incident and I told him what happened.  I purposely do not put myself in dangerous situations but that man just wanted a verbal fight and God took over.  It taught me that when stuff like that happens I need to not rely on my own imperfect wisdom but rely on Jesus Christ.  Thank you Lord for giving me wisdom today. 

Second after I was finishing up my run immediately I saw this flock of baby ducks.  I am learning that life does not happen but is just a series of God moments.

Last I have been discouraged because I have been feeling neglected.  Then six weekly events where I can use my fitness training happens.  In Covid the worst time.  I know God has my back.  He knows where I am needed.  Thanks Lord for allowing to me this less than perfect person to do your will.  

more winks from God

 Today I checked out and God worked it out that I got out on time.  

Little stuff does not matter

 Today I was feeling really irrated.  Lately things have been falling apart in my school.  There is only chaos and not order.  The last few days I have not had a break and there have been last minute emergencies everywhere.  It is really easy to be upset.  Then I just found out one of my friends got fired from our school district by one of the cool principals.  I wonder what happened.  I guess I just need to keep my mouth shut and stay quiet.  I am only seven years from retirement.  It is not worth getting my way and getting canned.  I will just do what I am told to do.  

Praying before Overreacting

 Today I had a situation where someone tried to gaslight me.  I could of reacted but instead prayed about it.  Instead it all worked out.  

Prayers about Mice and Little Dings

 Yesterday I prayed that the mouse would be caught.  I came home and it was.  God answers even little prayers.  I also figured out how to fill the hole in the garage so more would not get in.  

Also my students were playing outside yesterday.  Malachi does not play well with those who taunt him or ones that make him feel threatened in any way.  I dread going outside with the other class who is older than him.  I left for a minute and suddenly Malachi was out of control.  The other teacher handled it but she made me feel bad because she said in our classroom we are not allowed to do this and that.    Suddenly a ding went off in my head.  I don't need to receive that.  Criticism is not needed in my class by other teachers.  I am proud of myself that I realized that early and did not spend the rest of the day feeling bad about myself. 

Second I could tell my aide really did not want to go outside with the kids.  But I have taken turns with her and it is time for her to go outside.  And I am the teacher.  I can't change others but I can change myself. 

Looking at the past and walking to the future

 I was just looking over all the posts of the last year.  My bad bad boss is gone.  The aide who was a jerk is finally getting retribution and I am finally getting rid of toxic people and letting the past go.  Thank you Lord for walking me through these storms.

God's Timing and Not Mine

 I was reflecting on some things lately that have been happening and I am again encouraged that the Lord is in charge of my life and others.  I think about how my former aide who caused me so much pain is now paying back for her sins.  Never in my life could I even imagined that someone who has been around longer than any other staff could get what she deserved.  I choose to not be bitter but learn from the experiences.

Bye Bye

 I am so thankful for Covid.  It has really helped me realized toxic people.  I should of gone with my gut feeling and stayed cautious with this person.  I saw it in her eyes and my gut said watch out.  But I was thrown by the tales of change I fell for it. 

It went okay until my kid would should of been in the alternate school came in and suddenly I was the throng of no help help.  Then my eval.  I poured my heart and soul into it and all I got was one page with no explanation and average.  Then I was called in the office with getting written up for something I did not do but a mistake on my boss' part and all she did was lie to my face to save hers.  

Then I go in for the talk and my only suggestion was shut down with another suggestion that was so generic.  

I have decided to do what I am told but from now on I am not voicing my opinion and just being a good soldier and just doing what I am told until I retire.  

I look at you and say you have blown it more than the many times you  have thrown me under the bus.  

Help me forgive Lord but it gets hard when the toxicity comes out.

Learning from other people's errors

 Today I am learning about what not to do by having people do stuff to me.  It makes me angry.  Time to move on and enjoy my life despite stupid

The Blame Game

 Yesterday I sat in a meeting and it was basically a bunch of blaming.  The principal left and suddenly they were bad mouthing her, other teachers, they knew that my aide was lazy without me saying anything, and they loved the fact that my class has hardly anyone in it next year.  I prayed before the meeting and it made me really angry even though it was not geared toward me.  The Lord woke me up and I realized I needed to forgive those who had made me upset.  It is sad when someone has to big the person who has to always have the last word.  It is sad that my principal did not deal with things.  It is sad that my person for sped ed did not check up on things.  Blame, blame, blame.  Lord help me to forgive and move on. 

Stuff that Does Not Matter and Learning from Mistakes

 I have been dealing with lots of stuff that does not seem fair but really it does not affect me so really it does not matter.  

Yesterday my mouth went before my brain.  First of all I realized that the decision had already been made and my response should of been to agree with him and last to maybe get off the call when I felt frustrated.  

This trusting God stuff is tough sometimes but so important. 

Average

 I  got my eval back.  It was all average.  This has not been an average year.  I performed at least three areas of my performance of distinguished.  It is not fair.  

I watched lately and my boss is just walking around and talking to people.  The favorites are obvious.

I chose to forgive but it is still hard. 

With Spiritual Knowledge Comes More Responsibility

 Yesterday we had a teacher appreciation day.  The principal got a big sign and also a food truck.  It was really nice but again one of those notice me.  Then in a lot of the mailboxes were tons of treats.  Mine of course did not have any.  Last the principal had all the people sign their summative evals.  Everyone's was done but guess who was not.  Mine.  Everyone just signed theirs without really even looking at it.  No comments no nothing.  I am grateful for the food truck but I just wanted to scream.  I have put my heart and soul into this year and this is how you thank me.  No eval not real imput etc.  Last I have a student who I have been praying for these last few years on his temper.  He has made real progress.  I know God is working in his life.  He felt bad the other day when he exploded and even gave gifts to the teachers he was rude to.  He did not give me one and frankly I was glad because he knows he does not have to butter me up.  The teachers were just like aww how cute.  I thought it was kind of exciting that he was actually starting to feel convicted for being mean.  But there is something more deep inside I am wondering about with his behavior.  Why am I the only one to see this.  But then I remember with more growth in the Lord comes responsibility.  Sometimes my biggest fight is not not physical but mentally and spiritually.  I refuse to give up. 

Face Value

 Today was a day where I really could of gotten ticked off several times.  The specifics are not important but instead of getting frustrated I just took things as face value.  Much better way to handle life. 

Blessings

 Today I was on my walk and I found this perfect stool for my classroom.  This morning I found the exact type of video I was looking for my students.  I listened to a singer who sang the songs I needed.  None of it cost anything.  God supplies blessings.

Changing My Perspective

 I  met with my current admin and they were mentioning something about a boss I used to work for.  I realized the reason we did not get along is that he wanted to really push my students because he had deaf siblings.  Then she mentioned how well I did with Devaughn my autistic student.  Last I had someone come in and ask for prayer yesterday.  I am so glad I kept an open mind on things. 

Ups and Crazy this week

 Monday I started testing.  Devaughn came in and needed lots of attention.  Who knew that Monday would be his last day.

Tuesday I find out I can't test until May.  It throws my whole day  off and D does not show up.  I do not find out until Wed. he is not coming back.

Wed. I find out D is not coming back.  

Friday I find out I am losing my lazy aide.  But how it is presented is very unprofessional with all staff present and again my boss upset because she did not do her job she puts her job on the staff.

I get the Tonie and figure out how to use it.  

I catch my boss coming in late everyday and very short with me.  I find out I am not the only one and things are a mess everywhere.

I refuse to get involved in stupid but it does not help my day. 

Details of the meeting and things I should not do

 Well I went to the meeting and it was about the paras who are fooling around during the day.  I should of figured that out.  And the resource teachers were kind of stressed with the remote business so they complained to the sped ed dept about it.  So we were rewarded with a meeting at the last minute at our lunch.  No warning just a meeting.

Initially I was really frustrated with the whole situation.  I am so sick of dealing with stuff that is about others foolishness and I am being blamed for their laziness.

If I ever get to be a boss these are things I will not do.

1. Call people to the office over the intercom without saying what it is about.  Or just call them personally to the office with a bit of a warning.

2.  Deal with idiots not the whole group.

3. Not have other people do my work.

4. Always thank people specifically for the great things they do and make sure I have something valid to say to them.

5.  Take responsibility for stuff that is mine fault and maybe even take the blame initially for others.

6.  Specifically set a time for stuff and not just do it when I want but warn others what the whole meeting is about.

7.  Prepare staff for stuff and not just blind side them.

8.  Find somethings with substance that they do right and compliment them in the next day or so.

9.  Put your mouth where you promises or threats are and be willing not just say that you will do those things.

10.  Answer emails, texts and other stuff with answers even if it is okay.

11.  Write down and document immediately with email conversations that happened in the hall about work, staff related stuff.

I can't change others but I can change how I will deal with stuff.  It makes it a little easier for next time.

Last I think I will be planning to use all five of my personal days next year.  Mental health is important.

A chance to begin again even at the last minute

 Devaughn left Tuesday.  I am half and half about the situation.  I am glad I can focus on my other students but mad how it was done.  But I realized how I let a lot go because I was focusing on that one student.  Now I have the opportunity to fix what I messed up with situations beyond my control.  I can begin again even at the last minute. 

The Worst Case Scenero

 Today we have a meeting after school.  I am not sure what it is about for the special ed.  I hate the power trip of wondering what is coming up the pike.  I expect that there is a strong possibility I could be moved either this year or next year at this short date.  Initially it made me super nervous and my stomach is still super upset but I am remembering that if I am moved I am okay with that.  I saw God's hand on the former situation with my student and He will help me with this one.  

Lying to Yourself and Little Winks from God

 

I have decided that in the situation about someone lying to my face is that they have gotten so deep into lying that they are lying to themselves.  May I never get to that point.  

Lately I have had many little winks from God.  First songs at just the right time on the radio, Devaughn reaching out to an unlovable person and how I am learning how to handle situations that in the past would of destroyed me.  God is so good.

What do you say to someone who calls themselves a Christian and lies to your face. Document like crazy!

 I had an experience today just like this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STiej_174vQ

Today my student started today.  I did not want more students but he came.  I thought that his mother had checked with the office but apparently she had not.  I remember telling her to do so and also let my boss know the intent of the parent.  Unfortunately I did not document with emails any of these conversations and I now have a letter in my file that says I went over the principal and let the new student come.  I told her several times that this was not true but she had forgotten to add the student per our conversation and i was written up.  Also she lied and said my class including a rascal was perfect when I was gone.  It is so sad that doing things with integrity is not taken and lies again are being spread about me in this school.  She says she is a believer and she lied about these things.  Guess even my conversations about my weekend need to be documented in email now.  When will the lying stop.  Then the parent realized I had gotten in trouble and might talk to my principal about this.   So sad.  I just hope it does not cause a bigger mess.  If she says she had the conversation with my boss it could look worse for my boss and then for me.  I will take the letter of lies and just trust that my VERY OVERDUE eval will be at least average.  God you fix this situation. 

Wow what a week

 It was an excellent spring break.  On Tuesday I got a massage, Thursday I went to the salt cave.  I faced my fears and started the process on refinancing.  I went to the eye doctor, gyno and got to Swallow Cliff twice this week.  I got to witness to an autistic adult which rekindled my dream of being a job coach in my retirement.  Then two places asked me NOT ME BEGGING asked me to teach yoga and fitness.  We will see about enrollment but after all the crazy experiences I have had over the past year I feel like a new door is opening.  

Next week back to the usual grind.  I always fear the return to a less than desirable situations but I am grateful for employment and one that I basically run the show.  There is so much I can't control.  I can't control my feelings, my emotions but I can control how I respond.  

Restoration

 

Friday was a good day.  We had a service Friday night that was okay but the altar time as amazing.  The kids shared their needs and it really blew my mind how some kids shared their hearts not for themselves but others.  It also showed me that I need to be cautious what I share with kids.  They do not have the capabilties to understand things and the stuff they were dealing with was pretty heavy.  Saturday I was introduced to a child I rescued Christmas Eve that had gotten outside the house and was crying.  The parents and grandparents told me how grateful again they were for me.

Sunday I really enjoyed Easter Egg Hunting with the kids and blessing them.  I am so happy that the Lord has taken my sorrow for not having kids and helped me focus on the fun of Easter again.  

Leadership, Trusting God , Culmination of Experiences

 This week has been a week of crazy ups and downs.  First of all Sunday I went to church and I have been struggling with childrens church with other peoples decisions that are not my own.  When if effects me and it is about music I really take it personally but when I did worship Sunday I found that what was supposed to be just lyrics the pastor had added motions.  Initially it made me mad because I was unprepared but I decided to roll with it and just do what I could.  Then Monday hit and no break.  I felt like I was going crazy in my room with noise, activity and the like.  No help from my aide she just sat there like a bump on a log.  Then Tuesday I was super sick and had to teach through a major migraine all day.  Wednesday was a day of victory as I tried some new things with my challenging student and it worked.  Thursday my student did not reappear and I was sad I could not practice with him for my absences in April.  I was also frustrated because again my boss in her moments of being overwhelmed made me feel like my aide's chronic lazy behavior was my fault.  Also that I had it easy with my job of students who had constant tantrums and I had to navigate discipline in a Covid limited consequence world.  But again I leave what I can't control into God's hands.  I can't control my aide, my principal's bad decisions and the situations where my pastor is being manipulated by others.  For the music I choose to be respectful and do what he says without frustration or malice, I put myself with my kids in the best situation but remember that sometimes there are things I can't control like someone who does not get my job or an aide who refuses to do her work.  I am thankful for so many things like a new car, a husband who is faithful and some time off next week I can recharge, get caught up in life and prepare for the last few weeks of school.  I need to remember that with new levels of challenge and victories come new frustrations.  I can choose to wallow in frustration or move forward.  Honestly I believe more that my students benefiting my me I have learned how wot listen to the Holy Spirit and do what He tells me to do.  

DeVaughn

 I have changed attitudes since my last post.  I am looking at this situation as a challenge but I am excited to further my skills.  I want the autism expert to succeed.  I want to find things that work.  Lord I pray that this will be a successful experience with Kaylee, myself and Toni.  Bring wisdom and ideas to all of us.  I want to do things your way God.  Thanks so much Lord. 

Not the way it should be

 At first I was excited about the changes at my school.  It seemed like I was where I needed to be.  Then my world came crushing down with people trying to find out my weaknesses.  I have a meeting tomorrow where we are going to figure out how to help this kid in my class.  I am open to suggestions and I will try all of them but it is frustrated when all the work and prayer you have done seems to be for nothing.  Help me Lord as I walk into a meeting where the world could make me feel totally helpless.  Get rid of my pride and be open to new things but let me stay victorious even in the midst of a tough situation.  People who are weak make others feel weak.  Let me learn from the experience and see how NOT to handle a situation.  God you are in control.  Let my cause shine like the noonday sun. 

April 9, 2021 few weeks have emerged since this post.  My little rascal was supposed to leave but due to laziness of the parent not wanting her child going to another school and being responsible for getting children ready for school at different times has decided he should stay with me.  The HELP I was supposed to get has been anything but present and the opinions still linger but frankly they are out of advice.  This is ok though.  God showed me that Devaughn was not put in my life for his betterment but for me to see that whatever is given to me I can handle if I trust you God.