HELP

 Yesterday started and ended rough.  I found out lots of people are talking against me.  People are listening to drama.  My problem parent tried to catch me not doing what I promised her to do.  My staff wanted something at the last minute.  The kids were doing something new and it was hard for them.  But I am learning to ask for HELP from the Lord.  I can't fix most things but God can.  I just need to ask and then do the next best thing. 

Highs and Lows

 Today was cultural day.  As a whole it went well.  The kids were focused and the room looked absolutely great.  It did start off rough with a parent trying to catch me in my wording, a former aide trying to get me to buy back her shirt and someone wanting the impossible right before the event.  

It is hard to have people talk behind my back.  But I know I am innocent and not racist.  Of course when things are getting better things get crazy.  

I am glad that I am not judged on myself.  I trust you Lord that things will get better. 

Difference of presence

 Yesterday was the first day of no Estrada and Stokes.  It was amazing.  I was so impressed how well it went.  Then last night Mike had the church meeting.  It was crazy.  I had trouble sleeping.  I can't put my finger on it but it is amazing how things can change with presence.  I am not saying people are evil but I need to pray for stuff that is uneasy such as last night with the meeting and yesterday with the new aide and also with the a student who was having trouble.  I can't change myself but I can change the situation.

Just Stand

 

Post covid we live in a world where people like to blame others for their own faults.  As a former people pleaser I am not able to address this yet.  But when someone talks behind my back and spreads lies it really hurts.  

Today I found out that Sandra is leaving my class.  It is going to be crazy with the new aide and my problem parent is not going to be happy.  But unfortunately the damage is beyond repair.

I am keeping this news to myself and mostly I can.  It still hurts but all I can do is to stand.

Last as I was leaving  Donna brought to my attention some stuff with another aide.  I need to address doing wordfinds, personal work and phones.  It is just a respect issue and I am tired of being the adult in the room all the time.

Donna is a nice person but likes to stick her hand in stuff.  It is hard but she is also toxic. 

There are so many other things I need to deal with.

I am thankful for this change.  It is a battle I cannot fight without the Lord.  Shanita who was super lazy is also out for a while. 

I cant change others but God is in charge. 

Last I hve been struggling with my eating.  I eat crap because I am stressed out.  It is time to Just Stand. 

Separate Compartments

 Yesterday I was summoned to the office.  Sol's mom is hearing garbage from the toxic aide.  I think moving forward I will just have conversations with the aide in private and email her private.  If I need a moment I will just go to the bathroom or find a spot and scream.  

Bosses have to be impartial and it is hard.  Also the job my bosses do is impossible.  I choose to not let people control me and just ask you Lord for help a lot. 

Facts not Feelings

Today I am with a situation with lots of emotions today.  It is about Facts not Feelings.  

Glad God is not a Genie

 I have been reflecting lately on things I wanted that I did not get from God.  One was particular jobs like floating teacher, subject teacher and a presenter.  I see that these would not have been good jobs for me  nor is the respect there for those positions.  I am also thankful for not getting things I wanted in the church such as music, pastor and in charge of stuff.  

I am thankful for what He has given me.  A decent staff, the wisdom to fix stupid stuff, a good husband, good parents and wonderful pets.  I am able to use my gifts and talents in my work and in my ministry.  

Thank you Lord for not giving me the stuff I wanted but the stuff I needed at just the right time. 

G8 before 8

 Today it snowed unexpectantly.  I am grateful for clear roads, getting to work quickly, snow shoveled, students who shared their pets, a productive day before 8 and help get a lot done.  Learning about the importance of people not getting stars for stupid, and getting to be creative.  

Forgive

 Yesterday was a tough day.  I felt like I was ignored and when I did my creativity it was slammed.  Today I shared a song with my mom and she critiqued it.  

I had a good call with the mom I was supposed to talk to today.  It was good.  

I also worked with a child who was having a meltdown at the store.  God gave me wisdom.

Last my elective was approved for puppets and got a good handle on my cultural day.

Still need wisdom with lazy and toxic aides, liers and mean parents.  I can't change them but I can change myself. 

Be Kind

 It is easy to be kind to nice people but it is a challenge to be nice to people who don't have the best intentions.  This week my one aide was absent two out of the five days and the lazy aide was gone all week.  I choose to be nice even though it is not comfortable.

I have been setting new goals.  Some have been great such as my creativity goal, Christ Control.  But the food goal is such a stronghold.  I guess even with my medication my heart is still struggling finding rest.  

Well off to the gym.  Tomorrow I do the music for kids church and the Bible verse using my puppet.  Good things