Trust God not self

 Yesterday I really had to rely on the Lord.  The program I was helping with I could see some possible incidents.  But somehow I was the only one who saw it.  I know nothing is an accident.  

Its okay not knowing all the reasons why

I have been feeling like I am in a transition time.  I am not coaching marathon training this summer.  I should of not for the past couple of years but there was this part of me that just could not give it up.  The signs were there that I was finding joy in it.  The people who did not appreciate my hard work.  People putting me down.  

Children's church and I feel like I am in the outside looking in.  For the past few years I felt like i had found my niche with games, music, sped etc.  But something happened these last few months.  I can't put my finger on it but it is not the same anymore.   I am learning I don't have to fix everything.  I just pray and ask God how to handle a tough situation.  

Then my regular job.  My boss telling me that I should not be a teacher essentially.  I have been doing this for the past thirty one years.   I watch people getting away with stuff and I can't even breathe without getting  in trouble or walking on egg shells even time I see my principal.  

And my part time position.  Out of the blue I am not supervising and just staffing.  Then today my supervisor wimps out and I don't even get asked for my old position.  One person is gone and they don't find a replacement.  I see how dangerous this job is getting and I realize it is not worth the money, stress on my body and I just wonder why.  I am glad I am not there for only three more weeks.  

I just know that I am in the midst of a transition and I am not sure where I am headed but I know I need to stay close and things will eventually work out. 

Where am i supposed to go.  I leave it in your hands.

Now I know the Reason Why

 

Recently in my second job i was demoted from supervisor to staff.  It really made me upset and I shared my concerns with the boss.  The first week I saw that the position was going to be a challenging with the possibility that it could end of being a big mess.  I held on to a lot of anger as others found out about the demotion which was totally financial.

Fast forward to this week.  All was well and I even realized that God was protecting me and guiding my direction.  As we finished our session suddenly one participant became self harming and ended up injuring one of the staff.  

Everyone was pretty emotional and I am kind of numb toward the situation.  I prayed for the people but I am mostly relived that I was not in charge this week.

I also realized that it was not worth my stressing out with this job.  I don't need to go to a job where I could be injured and paid a little more than minimum wage. 

God is changing me.  I am so thankful I started on this journey of healing and dealing with my PTSD.  Healing is can be active recovery.