Ups and Crazy this week

 Monday I started testing.  Devaughn came in and needed lots of attention.  Who knew that Monday would be his last day.

Tuesday I find out I can't test until May.  It throws my whole day  off and D does not show up.  I do not find out until Wed. he is not coming back.

Wed. I find out D is not coming back.  

Friday I find out I am losing my lazy aide.  But how it is presented is very unprofessional with all staff present and again my boss upset because she did not do her job she puts her job on the staff.

I get the Tonie and figure out how to use it.  

I catch my boss coming in late everyday and very short with me.  I find out I am not the only one and things are a mess everywhere.

I refuse to get involved in stupid but it does not help my day. 

Details of the meeting and things I should not do

 Well I went to the meeting and it was about the paras who are fooling around during the day.  I should of figured that out.  And the resource teachers were kind of stressed with the remote business so they complained to the sped ed dept about it.  So we were rewarded with a meeting at the last minute at our lunch.  No warning just a meeting.

Initially I was really frustrated with the whole situation.  I am so sick of dealing with stuff that is about others foolishness and I am being blamed for their laziness.

If I ever get to be a boss these are things I will not do.

1. Call people to the office over the intercom without saying what it is about.  Or just call them personally to the office with a bit of a warning.

2.  Deal with idiots not the whole group.

3. Not have other people do my work.

4. Always thank people specifically for the great things they do and make sure I have something valid to say to them.

5.  Take responsibility for stuff that is mine fault and maybe even take the blame initially for others.

6.  Specifically set a time for stuff and not just do it when I want but warn others what the whole meeting is about.

7.  Prepare staff for stuff and not just blind side them.

8.  Find somethings with substance that they do right and compliment them in the next day or so.

9.  Put your mouth where you promises or threats are and be willing not just say that you will do those things.

10.  Answer emails, texts and other stuff with answers even if it is okay.

11.  Write down and document immediately with email conversations that happened in the hall about work, staff related stuff.

I can't change others but I can change how I will deal with stuff.  It makes it a little easier for next time.

Last I think I will be planning to use all five of my personal days next year.  Mental health is important.

A chance to begin again even at the last minute

 Devaughn left Tuesday.  I am half and half about the situation.  I am glad I can focus on my other students but mad how it was done.  But I realized how I let a lot go because I was focusing on that one student.  Now I have the opportunity to fix what I messed up with situations beyond my control.  I can begin again even at the last minute. 

The Worst Case Scenero

 Today we have a meeting after school.  I am not sure what it is about for the special ed.  I hate the power trip of wondering what is coming up the pike.  I expect that there is a strong possibility I could be moved either this year or next year at this short date.  Initially it made me super nervous and my stomach is still super upset but I am remembering that if I am moved I am okay with that.  I saw God's hand on the former situation with my student and He will help me with this one.  

Lying to Yourself and Little Winks from God

 

I have decided that in the situation about someone lying to my face is that they have gotten so deep into lying that they are lying to themselves.  May I never get to that point.  

Lately I have had many little winks from God.  First songs at just the right time on the radio, Devaughn reaching out to an unlovable person and how I am learning how to handle situations that in the past would of destroyed me.  God is so good.

What do you say to someone who calls themselves a Christian and lies to your face. Document like crazy!

 I had an experience today just like this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STiej_174vQ

Today my student started today.  I did not want more students but he came.  I thought that his mother had checked with the office but apparently she had not.  I remember telling her to do so and also let my boss know the intent of the parent.  Unfortunately I did not document with emails any of these conversations and I now have a letter in my file that says I went over the principal and let the new student come.  I told her several times that this was not true but she had forgotten to add the student per our conversation and i was written up.  Also she lied and said my class including a rascal was perfect when I was gone.  It is so sad that doing things with integrity is not taken and lies again are being spread about me in this school.  She says she is a believer and she lied about these things.  Guess even my conversations about my weekend need to be documented in email now.  When will the lying stop.  Then the parent realized I had gotten in trouble and might talk to my principal about this.   So sad.  I just hope it does not cause a bigger mess.  If she says she had the conversation with my boss it could look worse for my boss and then for me.  I will take the letter of lies and just trust that my VERY OVERDUE eval will be at least average.  God you fix this situation. 

Wow what a week

 It was an excellent spring break.  On Tuesday I got a massage, Thursday I went to the salt cave.  I faced my fears and started the process on refinancing.  I went to the eye doctor, gyno and got to Swallow Cliff twice this week.  I got to witness to an autistic adult which rekindled my dream of being a job coach in my retirement.  Then two places asked me NOT ME BEGGING asked me to teach yoga and fitness.  We will see about enrollment but after all the crazy experiences I have had over the past year I feel like a new door is opening.  

Next week back to the usual grind.  I always fear the return to a less than desirable situations but I am grateful for employment and one that I basically run the show.  There is so much I can't control.  I can't control my feelings, my emotions but I can control how I respond.  

Restoration

 

Friday was a good day.  We had a service Friday night that was okay but the altar time as amazing.  The kids shared their needs and it really blew my mind how some kids shared their hearts not for themselves but others.  It also showed me that I need to be cautious what I share with kids.  They do not have the capabilties to understand things and the stuff they were dealing with was pretty heavy.  Saturday I was introduced to a child I rescued Christmas Eve that had gotten outside the house and was crying.  The parents and grandparents told me how grateful again they were for me.

Sunday I really enjoyed Easter Egg Hunting with the kids and blessing them.  I am so happy that the Lord has taken my sorrow for not having kids and helped me focus on the fun of Easter again.  

Leadership, Trusting God , Culmination of Experiences

 This week has been a week of crazy ups and downs.  First of all Sunday I went to church and I have been struggling with childrens church with other peoples decisions that are not my own.  When if effects me and it is about music I really take it personally but when I did worship Sunday I found that what was supposed to be just lyrics the pastor had added motions.  Initially it made me mad because I was unprepared but I decided to roll with it and just do what I could.  Then Monday hit and no break.  I felt like I was going crazy in my room with noise, activity and the like.  No help from my aide she just sat there like a bump on a log.  Then Tuesday I was super sick and had to teach through a major migraine all day.  Wednesday was a day of victory as I tried some new things with my challenging student and it worked.  Thursday my student did not reappear and I was sad I could not practice with him for my absences in April.  I was also frustrated because again my boss in her moments of being overwhelmed made me feel like my aide's chronic lazy behavior was my fault.  Also that I had it easy with my job of students who had constant tantrums and I had to navigate discipline in a Covid limited consequence world.  But again I leave what I can't control into God's hands.  I can't control my aide, my principal's bad decisions and the situations where my pastor is being manipulated by others.  For the music I choose to be respectful and do what he says without frustration or malice, I put myself with my kids in the best situation but remember that sometimes there are things I can't control like someone who does not get my job or an aide who refuses to do her work.  I am thankful for so many things like a new car, a husband who is faithful and some time off next week I can recharge, get caught up in life and prepare for the last few weeks of school.  I need to remember that with new levels of challenge and victories come new frustrations.  I can choose to wallow in frustration or move forward.  Honestly I believe more that my students benefiting my me I have learned how wot listen to the Holy Spirit and do what He tells me to do.