Saturday I was out running and I realized that I had forgotten to run for me and the Lord. I realized that I had lost the joy and the pressure for performing for others was killing me.
Then Sunday I was doing kids church and I listened outside of worship. It sounded pretty terrible and that Lord reminded me that I can do music, teaching and use all my gifts.
Last week I found out I was moving to another grade. I accepted it but the reality is really sinking in. I am so mad that the empire I worked on was for nothing. I worked hard to keep my students learning, happy and behaved. I worked so hard to keep them engaged. I worked so hard to find the good in my staff. I even tried to keep the peace with my bosses and other teachers.
But just like that I was transferred. It was not that I had done a bad job. People begged to teach in my room. Parents were happy and kids liked coming to school. But like that I was switched to probably a tough situation. I was ready for the year. I was ready to hit the ground with a good foundation. I had prayed and sought God's wisdom. All for nothing.
So I have to start over again from scratch. IT really sucks because I had the kinks worked out. I had molded and shaped myself and the class to a good fit.
I asked someone to get together at church. It was the second week in a row and they told me they were too busy.
My sister in law has been wanting to get together and then puts off doing so. I find out Mike's family is doing a funeral and we found out through FB.
Initially I was super bummed out. What was wrong with me. But then I decided that I needed to think about it a different way.
I can't choose if people don't get together with me. I can't choose if people decide that I am not good enough for team. I can't control wackiness of work and church. I need to move forward and ask the Lord for his direction and that it is their loss and not mine.
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