Praying through the process, persecution, pride and pain

 I am going to  a different church today.  I am going alone.  I have been wanting to go to church with big people for a while.  I am greatly disappointed in my church.  First my pastor has said some careless things about preachers I respect, did not bother to see me in the hospital and told me when my dad was recovering from his open heart surgery boy I would love a break like that.  

I have been wanting to jump ship since I was taken off worship team and never really fit in anywhere except kids church at church. I am thankful my husband has allowed me to be at Elevation for two weeks or so out of the month.

Last Sunday when I sang at my parents church I lost it a bit as a sang a song too close to my heart.  

I don't like to lose it but my heart at times is breaking.  

I have appreciated having the two days off this week.  The one other teacher took a mental health day in my class and I got to see that leaving the school after this incident is not totally a bad thing.

I am weighing the decisions of do I want to stay the same with knowing I only have 4 years left.  I wonder if I can be more respected and get more money somewhere else.  Will I not be tenured and let go with a drop of a hat.  

There are good things that are happening.  I found out that when I retire I got a big lump sum.  This could go into bills or rolled over into another investment. 

I am praying during the process of change at my job, the persecution the pain of when many people think I am crazy, the pride of me not allowing my justice and talking about it with others or defending myself when people don't think I am NOT crazy, Allowing God to work out the situation and the pain of making the choice to say no more whether it is walking away from my church, my job to a new one. 

I am definitely getting ideas to be creative whether it is with academics, WBT, my ambassadorship with GoNoodle and Lakikid. 

Show me if the Elevation Watch Party is something I should or should not do, give me direction on this job thing,  help me relish in the opportunities I have to be creative in my teaching the opportunity to make myself a better teacher do what I really want to do.

I see the walls of the perfect classroom start to crumble around me.  I can relish in the fact that things are falling or I can ask for God's will, keep my mouth shut and just observe.