Peace

 Yesterday was a mix of blessings and pain.  First I got to sing at my parents' church.  This is the first time I have sat in a big peoples service since my seizures.  I got to sing and unfortunately at the practice I teared up at the end.  It took everything for me to not do it during church and freeze up.

The verses were about peace.  And in the Lutheran church the Bible is preplanned over a year before.  My song also prepared but not planned to go with the verses.  The people who usually used to the old and true music were touched.  I know it was the right song for the right time.  I was embarrassed I cried during practice but I felt that the Lord allowed my family especially my dad to see the pain I am experiencing. 

I have been sleeping really crappy. One is my diet but also my pride that I am no longer in control.  My feelings that it seems no one notices the right things I did such as making copies, buying stuff and equipment that helps my classroom.

I talked via chat on FB to my former minister.  He gave some encouraging words, Bible and one of his books that I already owned on Compfort.

Today I start with a new kid they can't handle in first grade.  He has been in my in my heart since I met him last fall.  I know it is not an accident.

The last two mornings I have woke up to the song Family by We the Kingdom. I realize how my church and work family has failed me.  The part time gigs I walked away have failed me.  My volunteer stuff disappointed me.  I am glad that God my Father has not failed me.  

I choose today to seek You Lord.  Help me get a better nights rest.  I am so tired and hurt today.