I prepare, I pray and plan. I wake up and change my attitude to what can I do to appease these parents. I have my plan of change and what I do to service the kid.. My admin forgets about the meeting. The parent does not show up.
I am angry. Angry at my admin for not supporting me. Mad for setting up this stupid meeting. Frustrated that no one talks to anyone and that I had this unneeded stress.
But through the challenge I learn something about myself. God is with me and I am changing. I am dealing with tougher stuff.
I go see my MIL in the nursing home. It is a good visit. She is happy. I make joy for the other residents.
I go home upset still about the day and the great lack of support. I clean the house. I do the right stuff. My mentor says no meeting might be your plan God all along.
This will continue to happen more and more.
I fall into bad habits and eat my frustrations. Something I have not done in a long time. I feel awful. I ache the next day. I disappoint my aide but not having a classroom where my students are little robots and make all the right choices. They are special ed with unique needs and quirks.
Psalm 139
For the director of music. A psalm of David.
1 Lord, you have seen what is in my heart. You know all about me.
2 You know when I sit down and when I get up. You know what I'm thinking even though you are far away.
3 You know when I go out to work and when I come back home. You know exactly how I live.
4 Lord, even before I speak a word, you know all about it.
5 You are all around me. You are behind me and in front of me. You hold me in your power.
6 I'm amazed at how well you know me. It's more than I can understand.
7 How can I get away from your Spirit? Where can I go to escape from you?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there. If I lie down in the deepest parts of the earth, you are also there.
9 Suppose I were to rise with the sun in the east and then cross over to the west where it sinks into the ocean.
10 Your hand would always be there to guide me. Your right hand would still be holding me close.
11 Suppose I were to say, "I'm sure the darkness will hide me. The light around me will become as dark as night."
12 Even that darkness would not be dark to you. The night would shine like the day, because darkness is like light to you.
13 You created the deepest parts of my being. You put me together inside my mother's body.
14 How you made me is amazing and wonderful. I praise you for that. What you have done is wonderful. I know that very well.
15 None of my bones was hidden from you when you made me inside my mother's body. That place was as dark as the deepest parts of the earth. When you were putting me together there,
16 your eyes saw my body even before it was formed. You planned how many days I would live. You wrote down the number of them in your book before I had lived through even one of them.
17 God, your thoughts about me are priceless. No one can possibly add them all up.
18 If I could count them, they would be more than the grains of sand. If I were to fall asleep counting and then wake up, you would still be there with me.
19 God, I wish you would kill the people who are evil! I wish those murderers would get away from me!
20 They are your enemies. They misuse your name. They misuse it for their own evil purposes.
21 Lord, I really hate those who hate you! I really hate those who rise up against you!
22 I have nothing but hatred for them. I consider them to be my enemies.
23 God, see what is in my heart. Know what is there. Put me to the test. Know what I'm thinking.
24 See if there's anything in my life you don't like. Help me live in the way that is always right.
I have parent mad at me because his son is making up stories of what happens in the room or remembers stuff that happened in the past to get attention from his dad who is back for a season in the picture. He does strange things at school. Dad says he does it at home. Principal is upset at me. I feel like she is accusing me of lying. I give up. I need a break. Thank you Lord for seeing all of the picture.
My husband is talking to the worship team director about me being back on team. I know I am one of the best singers. I know I am supposed to blend and not stand out. Why don't I get on even after an email and a word from my husband. I know the majority of my time needs to be in kids church and I love it but I am sad and angry because my talents are being neglected.
I am frustrated because I can't seem to finish my certification. My students are so low and needy I get side tracked. I used to write but now they don't use any of my articles for the past few months. I see that the direction of the publication is going towards money and selling stuff. I am not selling anything. I just want to change lives.
Why or why. When God when. I know you see me. I give this mess this diappointments to you. Help me figure out how to navigate on the path of good choices.
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