God was really good on my run today. I listened to Michael W Smith's first Christmas album and it just healed my soul. The song Christ the Messiah came on and I saw this manger scene outside. What a blessing. Then I got a few decent pictures of Santa.
It was a good day at church. The kids did a nice job today in service. Holly tried to take the credit and had the kids come after her in the second song. But it was pretty obvious that Michael the children director was running the show. Even though I was with the kids I got to sing too along side of keeping Mather with his mom on task. After they got to the front for the dancing they did what Michael wanted them to do.
As you know I have been quite discouraged with the whole worship thing. I have been praying for Holly and keeping a good attitude but I can't accept that I have been not asked lately. I know I am a good singer and I keep a good attitude. But today I sat in church for the first time as a observer since June. Worship was really flat. I am not being unfair but it was really dead. The people in front are 35 or younger. It was all melody. No harmony and no expression. I am over the whole being on the platform after seeing so many humble fantastic songs on YouTube lately. I am done wanting something I don't need to be a part of. God will open up music when it is time.
At the end of kids church there was a little time and we were stuck in this tiny room. I came up with the idea that we sing Christmas carols when the parents picked up the kids. Usually that would crash and burn but the Spirit was all over it and the kids and adults kept on doing various songs. It was amazing and the kids were super good. This went on for about fifteen minutes.
Then I left and had to come back because someone accidentally put their keys in my purse. When I got back the youth told me about this guy I did not have a good gut feeling that was Lee's friend that visited youth. He can't come to church or young adult but Lee is letting him come to youth at his house. He also has a poor attitude toward women. There was been quite a bit of drama over this the last few weeks and I am so thankful that I was not a part of it. My gut feeling of the unhealthiness of Lee's attitude toward me as a female and also his constant fire and brimstone message was God's way of getting me out of unnecessary stress in my life. It was like God had protected me again from a stressful and dangerous situation. I cant be part of a ministry where people are allowed that are not safe for our teens.
Then the Smoky bunny died. Please pray for Mike. I am sad but the bunny was suffering. We will be getting another one because I suggested it. Mike wanted an older female but I suggested we pray and go with a youngster. So that will probably happen on the 26th or 27th. So a new adventure but I will miss my friend.
I look at my house and suddenly a see what a mess it is but I know it will get clean little by little. That is how my life has got to be. Fixed little by little. Things revealed little by little.
Yesterday I was reminded of why I had not pursued some things and how even with a few toxic relationships he had protected me. I am allowing myself to be put on the shelf with maybe not pacing so much, working the special rec, youth group participation and last accepting my retirement for the fourth time in worship. But it is okay. God sees
Isaiah 35:5 New International Version
Then will the eyes of the blind be opened and the ears of the deaf unstopped.
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