Tuesday, March 10, 2020

Switch

I would like to work on my emotions that cause me to overeat. It is when I am tired, craving something sweet or when someone or something has stressed me out. It happens mostly between 4 and 8. I get nervous, my emotions are finally able to be let out and then I freak out by overeating. I am going to work on this by memorizing scripture and recognizing this. Every meal I will use the scripture. What is good and profitable. Is what I am thinking and eating profitable. I will also do my Emerg C and Fiber earlier in the evening. I will also try to remember to remember that scripture when I go to bed and then when I wake up.

I will not let others who stress me make me overeat and when I do I will use the experience to help me to try to not do it again . I will not evaluate my worth on a number on the scale but how well I am doing in all areas of my life.

I have found some people cause stress in my life. I am not always able to please my mom and dad. That is okay. I can step back from each time I feel like I have failed them and think about am I doing the right thing or not. I am assured that no matter my decision I will love them and they will love me.

I will not let other people's disappointments affect me in volunteer activities. I will step back, not over react and not make decisions immediately. I will walk away confidently and come back to situations after a long amount of thoughts if it is needed. I will go with the peace in my heart to do the right thing even if I make the decision quickly.

I will not let my husband's freaking out affect me. I will put him in a box and pray for the right time to deal with finances, stress and stuff I can and can't control. I will turn off his guilt trips and realize the stress I feel is flowing oxygen to my brain. I can morn for those things that did not happen in my life and when I feel that I have been hurt or guilt tripped.

I will not let others in charge of me or that I work with make me feel less worthy than I am. I will not let my students who have not been properly parented, medicated, and emotionally taken care of to affect my day or my mood. I will allow myself to take care of me with naps, massages, exercise and mental vacations during the day.

Last I will pray and recite, read and reflect more. I will let God take care of the situations and remember how He has been there before. I will enjoy today even if it has stuff I am not looking forward to because tomorrow is right around the corner.

Yesterday I went to a wake. I saw some people there that initially frustrated me. All the time they have a crisis and it made me really ticked off because they seemed like they were getting all this attention. Then this guy that has suffered from mental illness was praying for them. How crazy is that. Such in a place not appropriate. I realized that these people like the children in my room that tantrum need attention and despite the frustration I feel I realized I need that attention. I can't change others but I can change myself.

Today I almost fell into overeating. I was getting stressed thinking about my day. First about how I made a fool of myself when the copier got jammed. I learned I need to give my boss a break and what I will do differently next time. With so many people going through the same crisis of school closing I will step back from the plan I created and then if I need to add or revise I now have more material to go with. Anxiousness is the emotion I feel when I want to overeat and my emotions are out of control. I need to take a step back and think am I hungry or is there another need that needs to be filled. I have a choice to step back and determine whether my hunger is physical or just my brain using an old excuse to overeat. As I look to a few days of less stress and activity of the normalcy of work I will make a schedule and look to it as I plan my days. I will ask the Lord for direction and then have confidence that my days will be productive whether I get more exercise, prayer, creative outlets study etc.

I will give myself permission to indulge a bit more but not overeat, be careful what I watch, pray more and take a step back when I am stressed. I will count my blessings and pray how I can be a better person as I am off. I will be creative as a teacher even though I will not be with students but find ways to encourage them and other.

Today I will be quick to listen and slow to judge. As much as I am humanly able I will try to see things from another point of view.

Today's challenge was to pick a emotion that you felt when you had a toxic memory. I chose how I felt when I was kicked off the worship team and how I felt when I finally stopped my friendship with my best friend who was gas lighting me. When I think of those memories my heart hurts. My stomach is in knots and I feel powerless. I can't even listen to songs or wear the items that my friend gave me without pain. But the time I decided to reinvent myself with worship team was when I got involved in children's church. Then the special needs kids came. What a blessing. Then the moment I decided not to be friends with my best friend anymore. When I said enough was enough. It has been hard and I still may get rid of the things she gave me but I am glad it all happened. The decisions she made that effected me no longer will because I have distanced myself away from her. I look at what happened in worship team and my musical and teaching ability have increased. It was actually a sin that I was not involved in children's ministry sooner. And that I happened to see those kids with sped ed needs that Sunday and invited them in. What a blessing those parents have been. When I think of what Wes did to me with worship team I would have never imagined that a few months down the road he would be out of a job and the person who directly had to tell me the news.
The opportunities that this person has taken away from me are no more because of this virus. What an incredible waste time I spent on anger. I have learned through these experiences to get out of toxic situations much faster. This has helped me so much recently with some other decisions that I have made in my life.

I have learned so much and competition is not as hard for me. I still get sad when I see someone get ahead but I am convinced quickly that God has a greater purpose and that I can receive in His time when I am about to receive.

Even though I feel I am coming to the other side in these situations I still feel the twinge of the pain of feeling like that little girl who gets left behind. I can use this pain to help me see things from a different perspective. I can not react immediately when someone makes me upset and pause and use this time to see things from their point of view. Despite my personal feelings toward that person I need to be thankful that I have this opportunity to change in my mental health.

I think about the job I had last summer was a situation where I learned a lot about myself and I realized I was a good teacher. It was super scary and out of my comfort zone but as I worked there I realized all the situations I had faced had prepared me for what I did this summer.

Now I am working on getting certified. It is scary and uncertain. There has been some bumps in the road but I am excited because I am learning and growing through this time of certification.

Today I thought about the emotions that make me think of overeating or getting upset at someone elese stuff that is really not about me. I am beginning to recognize it and challenge myself to take a five minute break from eating emotionally or getting upset about someone else's drama.

Today's challenge was to go outside yourself. I remember when someone told me that was not healthy. Even then I did not believe them. But I did and I realized that I have already done that a bit. I need to take the overeating and tell the difference between boredom or some frustration but a true hunger. Maybe I have used my loneliness or my inadequacy for food.

Today I learned that I need to ask God for wisdom and take others wisdom as good advice from the people I love but also be open to what He is saying to me. What God tells someone else is not what he is telling me.

For example being healthy is not necessary as a number on the scale. Being 120 pounds might not be realistic or healthy for me. If I get there I will have to basically dump my wardrobe. How will I look how will I feel. What will I look like to other people. What can I manage.

Today we discussed worry that is good for you and one that is toxic. I have realized that worry that is toxic is like a nagging ache in my stomach and good worry is when I am concerned but I realize that the Lord has his hand on me.

I am thankful the following things. Electricity, phones, cells, internet and my pets. I am thankful for Mom, Dad, Mike. I have found that before every meeting I need to do with work I need to pray and probably quote a scripture. After a stressful meeting of the mindless I need to distract myself and do something the feeds my soul and not punish myself. I am now seeing the difference between physical hunger, mental sadness, stress eating and boredom

I will put worry in a box. I will navigate this week how to respond to stress, develop a worry time and how to navigate under difficult and toxic situations.

I am with Christ enough. I will step back when I face a toxic issue for five minutes at least and pray.

Thursday, March 5, 2020

Peace with Doors Closing

This year I have given up former relationships, personal training gigs that were stressful and not fufilling, pacing and coaching to unappreciative people, writing , some key friends and now even my certifiacation with Whole Brain Teaching that I have been really serious about the last couple of years. But that is okay. Let God take care of it.

Verse Concepts

Therefore the LORD longs to be gracious to you, And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you For the LORD is a God of justice; How blessed are all those who long for Him.

Not Fair

It has been a couple challenging days. First I found out the probably I won't be certified and as time goes on my dream of Whole Brain Certification is probably not happening and that is okay. It hurts but I know that doing what is best for me and my kids is most important.

Second I do get frustrated still when people seem to get away with stuff. Like my inlaws that are the beautiful people who treat any time spent with them like you are going to visit or be visited by the queen. ''

I am getting better but I can't wait for others to treat me fair. I need to not care. What God thinks of me is the best thing.

JVerse Concepts

"Surely, God will not act wickedly, And the Almighty will not pervert justice.

Thursday, February 27, 2020

Where the Thunder Rolls: Super Control Freaks

My lesson for the week has been dealing with control freaks. With my boss with the constant fear I am going to be written up. To others who are trying to tell me how to do my job without seeing what is going on to protect their butts. I am tired of doing other peoples jobs and getting nailed when I do them. I am tired of fixing other peoples messes and even having to do things that I don't agree with. To having people frustrated and I don't know the answers. I feel your pain. Waiting for my teacher to view my certification. I am so tired. I choose to enjoy life even to enjoy even when the thunder rolls.

https://www.facebook.com/laura.forehand.9/videos/pcb.509684623299410/10221698341156952/?type=3&theater

Monday, February 24, 2020

Broken People

Matthew 7:1-3 New International Version (NIV)

Judging Others

7 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?

Every time she stands at my door or calls my name I just dread it. What did I do wrong this time. She calls my name to the office. I just wonder what is wrong now. I cringe knowing that everyone around me wonders like I am this five year old what did I do wrong now. Pretty much every time it is just something stupid or so insignificant it would shock others that it was an issue. Initially I was mad. Everyone is but I am realizing that no battles will be won with my wit and wisdom. It is better for me just to say okay and move on. She is a broken person and despite the fact that I am in the right I will not win in my own power. I need to be kind.

Also dealing with others I need to not let the initial impressions of others not be my assuptions of situations. But I still need to stay true to my gut.

All the people who disappointed me are hurting. All the people who have tried to destroy me are broken. My supervisors are broken. I choose to not be affected by them. I will just keep doing what I am doing.

Be Careful What you Pray For

Today I found out our assistant principal is leaving for another job that will be less stressful, same pay and less hours. Everyone is upset but I am happy for her. This has been difficult and I truly think she did the best she could despite the challenges. It is interesting how most people look at this by saying that how could she do this. I look at it as an answer to prayer. I was praying for her and now she will have a job where she can prosper and grow and hopefully be less stressful.

1 John 5:14

14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.

Thursday, February 13, 2020

Lack of Planning Results in Bad Choices for Me

1 John 5:14-15 ESV / 91 helpful votes

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.

The last few days have been a bunch of cray cray. Yesterday my boss who either was sick for a few days or took off came into my room and told me a test that was supposed to take just half an hour for a normal student I would have to do on that day. So being the resourceful sped ed teacher I am I buzzed through it in just an hour with even the stupididy of several kids birthdays and numbers being typed in. Then after school I found out that a computer glitch and my boss blaming me for doing things wrong resulted in my staying late and it made me late for several appointments.

Today without warning a inschool suspension student was put into my room. She was not a bother but it was not even asked but expected. In the past we were told we would get paid but that did not happen. So illegally this was done because a reg ed student should not be in a sped ed room.

I have been accused of doing things that I did not do. Called to the office like a bad kid and this is the eighth time I have been sent to the office for something I did not do. This makes me so angry.

I found out my mom is tired of me complaining and my husband has had enough. My mental health is affected. So much has happened from finding out a few friends had just been using me. Feeling used. Telling people no.

I am tired of stupid.