I had some unexpected blessings today. A guy who is named Steve prayed for my interview tomorrow.
At our Elevation Watch Party the group prayed for my eval and my interview. I choose to be like Gideon. I might be scared but I choose to do things with God's power upon me.
I am not looking forward to tomorrow but at least tomorrow I might have my eval scheduled and my second interview.
I also saw some stuff about creativity at my new job. I love it !
I found out Monday is the day. I have been concerned about it all week. My parents think I should just bite the bullet and stay. My friends, husband and I think I should jump. I want to jump as well but I have been praying about it. God could do a miracle in my situation with me doing well on my eval, hanging tough and the Lord removing those people who have caused me such harm. Or I could go elsewhere. I don't want to be bitter but the sting is still there. The sting is still there with church.
Just as I was driving back from finding where the school is I am going to be interviewing at More than Able came on. I know that this song was not a coincidence. If I am offered the job I will probably take it. Scary but exciting.
I don't want to disappoint my parents but this situation can't keep on going on. I don't want to jump into another fire after I leave one. But honestly I don't think I can take another year so be put in unsafe environments.
I am still upset about church. I hate that I am taken for granted and that I have not been asked to sing. I know it is not where God wants me but it still hurts. I am feeling guilty going to Elevation this and next Sunday but I know I need to have spiritual food sometimes and that will not happen with a music situation where I am not used and a pastor who have deeply hurt me. I forgive him but it still hurts and even though I don't feel any different I know it is important to forgive.
I pray for the salvation of my boss and co-workers who are so mean to me. I would like to see change, respect and asking for forgiveness but honestly I don't think it will happen. So I leave it in the Lord's hands.
This week has been good for me. Plenty of time to just chill, nap a lot and get outside. It is also a wake up call because when I went shopping with my mom I have gone from a medium to extra large due to my over eating and stress.
Yesterday I had an interesting day. It was the Easter hunt and I helped this 4 year old find eggs. It was bittersweet because honestly I wished I could of been the parent but happy that I saw a child who was so well behaved and focused. When we went into the sanctuary it was hard watching the ensemble and not even getting asked but all of them were 20 something or younger except for the guy. I need to accept I may still be pretty but my job is in kids church.
I had rock star parking at the UPS store and returned my items quickly.
I am playing the waiting game regarding the jobs. I found out yesterday I have to get evaluated. I did so at the beginning of school but now I have to do it again. The good thing is that Morning Meeting is what I am going to do and it is at the beginning of the day.
I want to do God's will but honestly I pray it happens soon. It would be so amazing to know that I know where I am going to be and have that confidence in my lesson but I don't want to fall out of His will. It seems like everything is falling into place including the rockstar recommendations but I just have to wait.
I spent some time on Phil. 4:13 today. It is interesting because it is not I who can do but it is God's ability's to do what you need to do and only through his strength if you look up the various versions of the scripture. Good stuff to know.
Yesterday was probably the last time I will be at a district meeting in 162. It is happy because I am getting out of some nonsence. It is sad because I finally like the team I work with.
It was a pretty boring day except I learned something. If you really believe in something and are confident people will listen and respond to you.
I also got some good news. Two people who either work or worked for Southwest Coop are letting me use them as a reference.
Yesterday I conquered several of my fears. First of all I took Ava to the restroom and she ran away from me in front of several people. I kept my cool and all my boss could say is that is she running away from you. I prayed as I stood there feeling quite foolish and found a way to get her back to the room.
I took Mikalia to the bathroom and she was pretty calm. I am thankful she did not freak out. That was the Lord.
My co teacher decided they were not going to eat my students' birthday cupcakes. She stated it was messy and that the kids had been bad. I told her that it would backfire and Jamarr's grandmother would be quite upset. Surprisingly it turned out and the grandma did not find out.
My co teacher came in over two hours late. I took pretty much all the kids to the bathroom, got lunch, cleaned up, opened the breakfasts and lunch.
I also got three messages that Southwest Coop had called them. I still only want to go if it is God's will. We shall see what happens this week.
Yesterday was an interesting day. I held most of morning meeting and the kids were really good. Then the other teacher came in and let things become a mess. Then they did a few things and then she had them just sit there and watch a screen saver. I returned from something and they were still watching it a half an hour later. They had one toy and they had to share it with three people. Also the conversations I had with people were so dumb. Blaming me for things I had not done. I just thought okay and figured I would not do them again. I did get the kids back and forth without holding hands to their specials. I stayed peaceful even though two of them had wet pants. I kept my calm when I had to call a psyco parent.
I was pretty bushed when I got home. I need to release stupid and trust you Lord that you have it all under control. It is not her classroom or mine it is yours. I trust You.
I was challenged last night by Dr. Chen to forgive my pastor. The church essentially is the problem from not helping me with my infertility, taking me off worship team due to my age, and essentially the pastor saying things that deeply hurt me. The specifics are not important but I have to realize that I need to forgive and move on. It will be a daily challenge but I am up for it.
Yesterday was a day of the unknowns. First my co teacher came in really late so when I attempted to start the day it was a change and the kids responded as so. I did the best I could and tried to keep it as close to what she was doing as possible.
I can control my emotions, I can control keeping busy, my work ethics, actions, behavior, not sweating the small stuff, standing back praying and pausing when things are said and remember I am a child of God.
I have never been in such a place where things have been as backward, upside down and crazy as the past.
Today is Saturday. It is my fun day. I choose to have fun and get things done.
