Still Waiting

 I found out Monday is the day.  I have been concerned about it all week.  My parents think I should just bite the bullet and stay.  My friends, husband and I think I should jump.  I want to jump as well but I have been praying about it.  God could do a miracle in my situation with me doing well on my eval, hanging tough and the Lord removing those people who have caused me such harm.  Or I could go elsewhere.  I don't want to be bitter but the sting is still there.  The sting is still there with church.  

Just as I was driving back from finding where the school is I am going to be interviewing at More than Able came on.  I know that this song was not a coincidence.  If I am offered the job I will probably take it.  Scary but exciting. 

I don't want to disappoint my parents but this situation can't keep on going on.  I don't want to jump into another fire after I leave one.  But honestly I don't think I can take another year so be put in unsafe environments.  

I am still upset about church.  I hate that I am taken for granted and that I have not been asked to sing.  I know it is not where God wants me but it still hurts.  I am feeling guilty going to Elevation this and next Sunday but I know I need to have spiritual food sometimes and that will not happen with a music situation where I am not used and a pastor who have deeply hurt me.    I forgive him but it still hurts and even though I don't feel any different I know it is important to forgive.

I pray for the salvation of my boss and co-workers who are so mean to me.  I would like to see change, respect and asking for forgiveness but honestly I don't think it will happen. So I leave it in the Lord's hands.

This week has been good for me.  Plenty of time to just chill, nap a lot and get outside.  It is also a wake up call because when I went shopping with my mom I have gone from a medium to extra large due to my over eating and stress.