Lessons Learned from my mistakes and others

 Friday was an absolutely terrible day.  First of all I forgot my lunch and had to go back but I made it back on time.  Second I checked my Class Dojo account and a grandmother whom I had spoken to sent me an message telling me what a big deal it was about her grandson's cm cut.  It was literally that small and that she had cleaned and rubbed it so hard it bled all over the bandage.  It was nothing.  Then another student came in screaming and crying.  She had her fingers cut from some glass from another student on the bus.  The bus aide lied and said it happened at home.  Later she got kicked by a spoiled student in the classroom and I did not see it but I saw that the spoiled one had taken a weighted blanket from that first student.  That led to two phone calls with a parent who has a phone number that has International Ministries on her label on the phone number and basically almost yelled two times at me for relaying this information which was not my fault.  The last call she just hung up.  Then as I came back from lunch the one aide was upset that I did not contact her or the parents about her behavior.  I stated I did not see it and wasn't that her responsibility since she is contacting parents without the districts permission.  The co-teacher stated the blanket was MM and I stated I brought in the blanket and it was for everyone who needed it.  She continued to disagree with me and I decided that the blanket would go home with me.  Later in the day she told me I was supposed to take Jamarr on the bus and I stated that Mrs. Rudy would do it.  She again began to argue with me and when I approached my boss about it I was told that I needed to go to the bus no matter what.  In the midst of the situation Polk called MM parent and said something about the situation.   My boss also interrupted a phone call and I had to deal with the emergencies immediately.  If I can I will pause and pray. If not a quick response like Help will have to do.   I was so mad at myself that I wear my emotions on my sleeve.  The Lord told me He made me that way and even though I suffer from it I can choose to make better choices.

Instead of causing any havoc in the classroom I will clean and pray.  They have left it like a medium hordering situation.  I pride myself that this has not happened lately for me. 

I had a student have a 45 minute temper tantrum.  I sure hope I don't get nailed for that since I had to hold him or he would of ran away.  For the rest of the year he is going to basically get whatever he wants it is not worth getting in trouble for abuse and bad parenting.  Later in the day he saw me and was happy to see me, did run away from me when I needed to fix something and none of my aides were helping.  I also got to call his mother who stated he did that stuff at home. 

Then I got on the train.  Because it left 4 minutes late I missed the connecting train.  The doors of the train opened up on the wrong side and I went after chasing the train and I was approached by an officer and had to show my ID and almost got a mandatory 500 fine and court date.  I was so mad at the day I was really nasty to my husband. Despite the crappy situation we came up with a plan and my husband picked me up on a later train on the other line.  In the future if this happens I won't go on train tracks, stay on the first train and call my husband or a cab when I got to the La Salle Station. 

We came up with a solution and then we went to the concert.  At the concert we met my oldest friend in the area and we talked.  She has been a teacher about as long as me.  I told her stupidly about the incident with the window and she told me about how she hated her job and the kids.  How sad.  Honestly I love the kids, don't know what to do in many of the situations and frequently get frustrated and mad from my boss and staff in my room and those outside of it.   I need to not react when someone makes the horridness of the situation apparent.  I pray for Cheryl that she will get the joy of children again and that next time something happens I will say the right thing. 

I chose in the future to realize that disagreeing with any person including my boss in that school is pointless and stupid.  I need to stay out of the gossip even if it means I can't share my feelings with everyone.  Dogs come back to their vomit.  I don't want to be a dog but a bunny who is loving, kind and carefree.  

Last I did get the job in South Holland and it sounded great.  I did have some concerns about travel time and also in the seedy neighborhoods.  The pay was 20000 less than I am currently making right now and that I would lose tenture.  

I pray for a more peaceful day.  When chaos happens I will not be near the children.   When the teachers are talking in a corner I will chose not to listen especially if it sounds remotely about me.  Lord protect me and give me a day of peace.  It is a sorry day when I have to do full crazy reports on students who have one cm long injuries and people can lie so well honestly I think they  lie to themselves. 

So close....

 Well I got an offer from my first interview but it was almost 20000 less than what I am making now so I turned it down.  I am glad I got the offer but things just keep on getting crazier and crazier.  I got a call from Dr. Healy about my student Jamarr.  No one wants to take responsibility for things and now the Grandma is saying stuff that did not happen.  

So I have to clean up messes my teacher who arrived an hour and a half late, came back from her special 15 minutes late and left half an hour early ....  I am so tired of the blame game.  The OT tried to blame me for Chloe not having her headphones and I tried to protect one  of the teachers so I did not have to have the retrocessions of the incident.  

Well it is only about 38 days left.  I am so glad. Hopefully I will have a good interview this Thursday. 

Backwards and Upside Down

 It has been quite the week and it is only Wednesday.  First of all I was supposed to have a meeting with sped.  The meeting kept on being pushed back.  Finally a week later it happened.  I was told that my kids who are functioning at a toddler level should be able to eat their lunch and watch a movie for 40 minutes.  That is crazy.  

Also they asked if we were lesson planning together.  I said no.  They gave a few suggestions which were good but then seemed like they did not notice the kids and the fact that the aide and teacher were just sitting around or talking to them.

Yesterday it was 3 and a half hours they were watching screen time.  It gets hard watching this. The other teacher comes in late, leaves early and gets back from lunch late.  And it is okay.  And the sped and my boss don't fight it. 

I do have a interview for a job I really don't want.  It is in a seedy area and getting there is challenging with a train track that is unpredictable.  But this is empowering to me and I will look with discernment with pay, location, attidue etc.  If they offer it immediately.  I will be concerned. 

I had a good morning in the other sped room.  The kids are fun and it is rewarding to see their attitude.  

4 hours of screen time

 Today my boss came in when I was working with a student.  He has always been a handful and I have not been with him in a week.  My boss commented how he was not a behavior problem in his room.  I felt bad but I was also recognizing that the statement was not true because why would I have to work with him if he was so good when he had a sped teacher in the room.

I was supposed to meet with sped today to discuss classroom duties.  At the last minute no one came again...  Tomorrow I am supervising  the other sped class once the other teacher who  can be at least an hour and fifteen to half an hour late that I can go in the other room.

Second, they spent over 4 hours with the Smartboard on.  They did one paper activity and sat there and watched vidoes practically all day.

My one on one kiddo had trouble concentrating with all the kids in the room and all the screen time.  

Glad the days are only in the 40s.  I am tired of it all. 

I am sure the perfect position will open up.  I just need to be patient. 

Not an Accident

This weekend I had some incidents that were not accidents.  First of all I sent in my application to the coop for a job right near my house.  It was not more than a little over an hour I was scheduled for an interview.  Not sure if it is summer and fall but hoping it is that.  Second I found out that the sped people are coming in on Monday to talk to me and the co-teacher.  I was stressing out what I would say and that I was not a good teacher.  I had been told by several people this and my boss let me know this at least 4 times.  I opened up a short movie I had made showing that I was doing activities that were appropriate for my students.  There was no way that I had opened it up the day before.  The Lord knew I needed to see this and I am glad He let me.  

Last I am going to church today at Stone.  I want to leave but right now I have to be content to go every other week.  The Lord's will be done. 

Spiritual Warfare of a Different Kind

 Today I came into school and my boss stated to me I could not work with a child anymore.  I am not sure who told but that happened.  I was confused so I talked to my case manager and she said I need to be in my room all day and take my position back.  Then the co teacher came over an hour late and i started doing morning meeting myself.  She started to complain about small details of the meeting.  Then I told her if it is a problem contact the principal.  She typed some complaints on the phone and then suddenly one of the superiors from sped came.  The kids were crazy and I overheard her say to the other teacher we did not have those problems before.  I am praying I can figure out what I did wrong.  God help me get through this.

I am meeting with sped today and I am really nervous.  Lord help me speak the truth, take correction if needed and make the best of this situation.  

Praying through the process, persecution, pride and pain

 I am going to  a different church today.  I am going alone.  I have been wanting to go to church with big people for a while.  I am greatly disappointed in my church.  First my pastor has said some careless things about preachers I respect, did not bother to see me in the hospital and told me when my dad was recovering from his open heart surgery boy I would love a break like that.  

I have been wanting to jump ship since I was taken off worship team and never really fit in anywhere except kids church at church. I am thankful my husband has allowed me to be at Elevation for two weeks or so out of the month.

Last Sunday when I sang at my parents church I lost it a bit as a sang a song too close to my heart.  

I don't like to lose it but my heart at times is breaking.  

I have appreciated having the two days off this week.  The one other teacher took a mental health day in my class and I got to see that leaving the school after this incident is not totally a bad thing.

I am weighing the decisions of do I want to stay the same with knowing I only have 4 years left.  I wonder if I can be more respected and get more money somewhere else.  Will I not be tenured and let go with a drop of a hat.  

There are good things that are happening.  I found out that when I retire I got a big lump sum.  This could go into bills or rolled over into another investment. 

I am praying during the process of change at my job, the persecution the pain of when many people think I am crazy, the pride of me not allowing my justice and talking about it with others or defending myself when people don't think I am NOT crazy, Allowing God to work out the situation and the pain of making the choice to say no more whether it is walking away from my church, my job to a new one. 

I am definitely getting ideas to be creative whether it is with academics, WBT, my ambassadorship with GoNoodle and Lakikid. 

Show me if the Elevation Watch Party is something I should or should not do, give me direction on this job thing,  help me relish in the opportunities I have to be creative in my teaching the opportunity to make myself a better teacher do what I really want to do.

I see the walls of the perfect classroom start to crumble around me.  I can relish in the fact that things are falling or I can ask for God's will, keep my mouth shut and just observe.