End of an Era

t was Wednesday and I got the call about talking to my pastor about the changes on worship team.  I thought that probably it was that they were going to use younger people on the team.  And then the next day they made me show up on my time and the pastor basically told me I could no longer do worship team. They were changing the styling of the team.  That essentially meant I was too old anymore.  It was kind of funny because I don't look my age or act like it.  We talked about alternatives to my departure.  It did not really hit me until today and today it really hurts.  After 27 years of being on television, singing solos, being in choir and worship team it is done.  I am so angry.  I am so hurt.  The very church mottos are completely against what I am feeling right now.  You matter?  Ha, I did a quality job and suddenly I am not relevant.  Your story is important.  I have been there over a quarter of a century.  I am not important. 

I know that currently if they go this direction I don't want to be a part of it.  The quality has gone down and I knew essentially I was living on borrowed time for the last few months.  It does hurt.  I just wonder how long my husband will get to be a musician.  I know church is more than music but doing something well and getting kicked out because of your age just hurts.  I trust You Lord that it is under control. 

Job 31:4

Verse Concepts

"Does He not see my ways And number all my steps?

Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say

Romans 8:18 English Standard Version (ESV)

18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

Ever since I started teaching the first school I was at there was a list.  If you were in trouble your name was at the bottom of the list to meet with the principal.  I was so relieved everyday when I was not on that list.  And I was scared when I was.   Fast forward to today and when someone calls or says that they have something to tell me but really gives me no idea what it is makes me on edge.

On Tuesday I received a call from my employment saying that they needed to have a conference call.  I learned the next day it was on something that did not effect me in any way.  I wasted needless energy on what it was about and what I had done wrong.    Then later in the day I received a call from someone telling me of the changes in a volunteer situation I am a part of.  I called right back but did not get a response.  It took everything to not worry about what it could be about.   Then later that evening I got an email about something that my other volunteer group wanted to address to the marathon training group.  I just hate not knowing.  I just hate having stuff thrown on me without preparation.

I believe when you need to have conversations difficult or positive you always need to let the person know and get quickly back to them.  Say what you mean and mean what you say.   

I am learning that whatever comes my way I can handle.  It is better to not figure out the whys and whens.  Despite the situation I am thankful that the Lord has my back.  He reminded me of that with several situations with helping me through a difficult race last night, giving me favor with parking and even helping me make the journey with no traffic even at the worst time of day.  

Doors close, doors open.....

I am still being challenged by the fact that some doors have closed in my life.  At Christmas I felt like with the choir I had done a great job singing the solo with the choir.  Many people complimented me and even my students who are very honest were impressed. The signing went well as well.  And then Easter nothing. The signing I was supposed to do was suddenly forgotten.  The two months I had been practicing were for naught. 
 And now recently I have done nothing with the music ministry. No dates to be on team and the group is now made mostly of 20 and 30s somethings with just a few older musicians in the back. I have my ideas why when it does not minimize the reasons and questions why.   I sit in church frustrated why  I am suddenly forgotten after I was on team at least two to three times a month for the last two years. 

Then I look to the Lord and I know that He has my back.  I have other opportunities open to me such as the coaching three hours a week as a group fitness instructor.  My summer school is going great.  The Lord is amazing how He helps me with a pretty chaotic situation.   I have amazing kids and super staff.  Even the frustrations with my boss are not affecting me.  I am coaching for the marathon and I can feel the Lord's hand as I run.  The participants in the training group are fantastic.


I know that the Lord is with me.  I don't know the reasons why but despite my questions I give my reasoning to Him.  I see my friend who was also on team with her arms crossed and she is not worshipping either.  What happened.  Why is she responding this way?  Why did I see it and no one else.  I know that it is all about the Lord so I make the choice to worship despite my own feelings.  But I won't lie when I tell you it is really hard.

I love the chapter in Psalms 139   in verses 6-7 it says

You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

I know that the Lord has given me the talent to sing and to sign.  He has been so awesome helping me recently get over so many fears and difficult situations.  I choose to trust  Him that He will in his time provide a place to sign and sing.  Until then I will use the opportunities given to me and do them well. 

Inconveniences are Sometimes God's Provision

Yesterday my air went out again.  The repair man came and wanted to just fix the furnace.  My husband and I consulted each other and decided to get a new furnace.  I was planning on using my money from summer school to fix my wedding band but now it will pay for at least half of the furnace.  Initially I was not happy but then I thought about the weather forecasts

and how hot it is going to be this weekend.  If the furnace had gone out this weekend it would of been almost impossible to function and the serviceman would of taken much longer.  I know that the Lord planned this for good.  I am confident that in God's time I will get my ring replaced but thankful for the savings I have set up and the credit card I will be able to pay off before it gets interest.  The Lord in His own unique way has given mercy.  I choose to look at the positive and maybe this situation will spur us to be better stewards of our money.


Titus 3:5 Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost.

From a Different Perspective

It is 5:15 AM and I am anticipating a good workout from my boot camp trainer.  He helped me attain a good experience in my training, lessened pain in my joints and frankly gave me confidence as well as a class I looked forward to twice a week.  Then I walk in and another trainer has taken over the class.  She is nice, creative and kind but her moves are fast and we have trouble keeping up.  I wonder what suddenly happen to my current trainer and I start to develop an attitude.  Then I stop and think about it.  It is tough to be the sub and it is also hard to not always have the experience that others have done for many years.  So I decide to think of the times I was the one that was new and I lose my attitude.

Also I was recently accused of something I did not do.  I felt for about a month that I was constantly being watched, not trusted and being on trial.  Then I find out that one of my enemies  is getting demoted at his job.  Initially I feel vindicated but then I realize I have been in his situation of getting a demotion and I start from being mad to feeling sorry for him.  

I can't control how others make me feel but I can control how I respond to it and what I will do about wrong doing.

I will go back on Tuesday to the new trainer.  Hopefully things will get better.  I will miss the old one but I will be patient if I am supposed to find out the reason why for his sudden departure.

The other situation.  I will not that person get me down.  I will stay out of their hair and just pray for them every time I see them.  My contact now due to their job change will quickly fade.  

I choose instead to look at my skills I have acquired because of destructive people and situations.  I trust God that He will vindicate me instead of hurting me.  

Exodus 31:3 New International Version (NIV)

³ and I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with wisdom, with understanding, with knowledge and with all kinds of skills—

Tired of the Whys

My earliest childhood memory was one of the birthday party where I was having to share it with a stranger.  The thing that was the most frustrating was that it felt like I did not even exist.  Fast forward 50 years later.  This has continued to happen over and over in my life.  Until recently I continued to wonder why but now I am learning to be content with not having to know and if I never know that is okay.

There are many roads that have recently closed to me as opportunities.  I initially got really upset because I really felt like I was called to do these things.  But now I am learning that everything has a purpose.  Other doors have opened and I am learning to be content that the Lord has my back and I am talented in many ways.  I am learning to trust Him that He will find other avenues to use my gifts.

Second instead of getting frustrated by getting treated unjustly I am slowly learning that in time if I am supposed to know the reasons why I will and if not that is okay too.

After doing this I have seen the Lord work in tremendous ways.  Some of the whys have been revealed to me and some have been not.  But that is okay.  The Lord has opened other doors for me and I rejoice in using my talents for Him.

I rejoice in the Lord's favor in my life and that wisdom I get from Him in the still open opportunities.

The Bible Says in 1 Corinthians 12:7-10

Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. ⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

New Things

I have had a few days off after my school year and I have been making the most of them by making the conscious choice to try new things. When we rely on the Lord he an help us with the new things of life.  From trying a new gym, new equipment, meeting new people, and just plain driving in a busy city the. Lord wants to do new things with us.

Isaiah 43:19 New International Version (NIV)

See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland.