The Balance of Anger and Moving On

It started off pretty innocently with a trainer who was loud and very distracting at the gym.  I was able to see beyond that.  Then a series of texts from my sister in law who is feeling pretty out of control lately.  Got through that and then I got to work and the sub they were supposed to have for my room was not available due to the fact that they had put in or not put in the absence.  All was still going well because I chose not do let a series of poor decisions affect me and then the kicker.  Doing something illegal and affecting my fellow aide in my room.  Time to stand up and say something.  It was pretty stressful.  Then the typical stress of students who are so needing medication and consistency in their lives and not getting upset with them and treating them with kindness.  I see my calmness breaks down walls and what used to be long periods of time of struggle are no more.  Despite the chaos great things happen multiple times a day. My stress level with them in high but controllable. But with all these situations it is a high stress life I live.  Needless to say I was pretty stressed after school with all these challenging situations.  But then I woke up today pretty stressed out.  I had three Zanax yesterday and this mornign frankly I could use another one.  But more than that I need to find the balance of being angry and moving on.

Lord I give you my sister in law who used to give me guilt trips.  Who is so mean and feels so out of control.  I give you my husband who I see abused and goes back for more with his relatves and his job.   I give you my boss and the people who make her nervous and upset to make so many poor decisions.  I give you that trainer who I know self confidence is diminished when I see the tell tale signs of an eating disorder and that fact that she has to scream as a trainer. I give you my students who are so needing the physical love of self care, medication and time.  I give you my aide who frankly I am not sure if she likes me or just tolerates me.  I give you the urge to quit using food so I can make my goal of losing weight to 125 a dream come true.  Show me how to handle it.

Ephesians 4:26 ►

Be you angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down on your wrath I will reach for an zanax before I reach for a cookie but hopefull there will be a time I won't have to do that.