It is okay

 Yesterday I had some plans that did not go my way but I am learning that it is okay.  I am just rolling with the punches and despite my personal feelings toward it I am learning to accept.  I am learning that it is okay to sit on decisions, to not react to stuff and as much as it is possible stay out of gossip.  I can control what God puts in front of me but I can't control others. 

I messed up

 Today I made a mistake.  It was scary asking for help but I realized just like Peter almost drowned at least he took a chance.  I will continue to do that this year. 

Facing tough stuff, a break from crazy and more peaceful day

After the week of insanity I had some relief.  The parent who was a parent is leaving the school, I faced my fear with my sw who is lazy and the kids generally were calmer.  I can't change ohers but I can trust God with the answers 

Also I need to get away from the gossip cycle.  Yes there is stuff to discuss but I can't get into it with others.

Praying today is another peaceful day.

Back on the meds

 Ever since my new charge has started and when I went back to work after my illiness I have been sleeping poorly even on the weekends.  I made the decision to go back completely on the medication.  It has been quite a year and initially I was embarrassed to go back but I know after thought and lots of prayer it is the right decision.  If I were to stay at my former place I could of gone off the meds but not now.  

So I do not feel like a failure but I am proud of myself for taking the step to do what is best for myself, others and what will help me be a better person.

Also I am thinking of quitting kids church.  The last of structure, the absence of discipline and the typical annoyances of kids and parents have made me think my time is limited there.  I am praying about how to handle it.  I honestly don't want to go back to adult church.  There is so much chaos from the people who are unstable to the pastor who shares his personal feelings, beliefts, feelings, puts his foot in his mouth.  It is ia mess but I can't leave until my husband has another opportunity to use his music somewhere else.  I give it to you Lord.  I am not jumping.  I am praying for resolution.

I think about how so many things that frustrated me have worked out.  From poor management in work and church to things that frustrated me in the world are working out.  

Moving forward I will do what I am supposed to do, keep my mouth shut and just do what I need to do.  It is a lonely place but I know the less I say it clears the noise away and keeps me hearling the Lord. 

blessing i. disguise

I found out at the last minute I have a meeting.  So I got stuck behind some busses.  I kept my cool.  Then I went to the school and kept my cool with wait8ng and then wait8ng to find out for the meeting. So I enede up with extra driv8ng Starbucks, and then getting the meet8ng outside

blessings

I did not sleep well again last night.  I realized I am tr6ing to control things too much.  I trust in God and go beyond my comfort zone. Yesterday I conquered no help, foolishness,  two websites and two people not helping lord can't change others but the Lord controls how I can respond 

leader

I am learning that being  a leader even when the obvious is not so obvious.