Forgive

 I am finally off and I got sick.  I am thankful I was able to make it but sad because I won't be able work out.  I have this headache and it is just annoying.  

So many people that angered me.  My  two staff who is lazy and my husband who had a hissy fit before his appointment. 

I used my anger and just stressed eating things all week.  

Then last night I had a dream where my hair was falling out and I kept on losing things.  

Another opportunity to trust God.  Praying for healing so I can do church tomorrow and be healthy Tuesday afternoon for Christmas.  

I can't change others but I can rely on God to change me.

It Just Keeps On Getting More Stupid

 Today my toxic aide came in at 2 and expected to get paid for half day.  My lazy aide left 20 minute early.  I ask my boss and I am the one who gets into trouble.  It just keeps on getting more stupid.  So much for crazy.

Learning From Mistakes, Looking at my hubby a new way

 Yesterday was the craft fair.  I was overcome with the lines, noise and close proximity of people.  Moving forward I will check out the first person and get out of there.  

'

'I have been not letting Mike's constant harping and adding things he could of easily doing into letting him take control.  I have also been not worrying as much, making decisions one at a time, pausing.

God knows better

Fair

 I feel like I have been thrown under a bus.  First of all the aides in my classroom who have lied, been lazy and taken too much time off seem like they are getting away with murder.

I set up great field trips and they seem to get cancelled.  The recent ones were not educational.  Two groups of people went today to similar trips.  

I am grateful for God's protection but seriously I feel under the gun.  Glad there are only three more days of school.

Living Sacrifice

 Yesterday as a whole was a good day.  We celebrated Gingerbread House day, made gingerbread man crafts, houses digitally and learned about the holiday.

Last night we went to a concert and it was good.  

But yesterday the old present devil had to rear its head. And the blame game for putting mistakes on others also reared its head.

I watch the liar and the lazy keep on getting away with stuff.  I want to scream and wonder doesn't anyone see the crap other than me.

It is definitely a situation where I need to pause and let God move.

Yesterday I also had a situation where I had a parent call to complain about a ring his son stole.  I listened as she screamed into the phone and I was reminded that when you are angry you can't see things clearly.  It takes the responsibility off yourself and tries to put it on others.

I can't change myself, solve other peoples stupid but I can ask God for direction.  

On the Altar a Daily Killing of a Sacrifice

 After discovering my earliest childhood memory with gifts and being ignored have plagued me my entire life I am realizing that this is my challenge I must daily and sometimes hourly deal with.

Gifts:  Sandra continues to give gifts in front of me despite the fact we told her not to do it. Every time I see this I choose to put it back on the altar.

When someone yells it triggers my past and I choose to pray and put it on the altar.  I use the situation to prepare me for the future.

When I mess up in front of my teachers or admin I realize I will make mistakes and my job is to do the best I can and celebrate bouncing back when I learn what to do next time.

Anger from others and myself is not worth it because it drains my energy and makes me more suspectable to illness.  

Anger from not helping me or directed toward me or gossip.   These are things I must learn with giving it over to God and letting Him direct how to handle it. 

Glad tomorrow I took off. 

A Run, a book, a message on Moody and hearing the voice of God

 Monday I found out I was going to be a back of the pack pacer for a race.  I was going to cancel but I felt that the Lord was going to open a witnessing opportunity.  And he sure did. I was listening to Moody Sat. and I felt led to read an old book about Christmas All is Well.  And lastly I felt that I need to back off on talking about the toxic aide and keep more stuff to myself.  

Thursday was super crazy.  The aide accused me of being hostile.  I had reminded her numerous times not to be on her phone, not hug the students and buy everyone presents.  And she made coffee during lessons.  I tried to talk to her and the Lord really gave me the words to say.  Even the words convicted me and how I had not listened in the past in my job assignments and what I had learned from the situations from the past.  

Last I got to sing the National Anthem.  It was not me singing but the Lord.  So cool and amazing.  

Well tomorrow is two tough IEP meetings.  One is a sue happy parent and the other is a parent who has not done what needs to be done for his son to be successful.  I pray the Lord helps me be bold as I run both meetings and wisdom or let others say the right things.  It is not about me but about the Lord.