Story of the Vaccuum and Deceptive Defeat

 Today I fixed my vaccuum.  It made some errors but I fixed it.  It is God's way of showing me I can do hard things with His strength.

I think I told you earlier in the week my boss was telling how awesome the other teachers were doing.  I heard the true tale from my friends.  But it is interesting at first the kids were okay.  I did notice when I came into the room they were dashing for me.  I guess they saw kindness in me and love.  Then yesterday there was chaos in the room.  I wanted to take over but mostly I did not.  

They can have their big shotish.  I would rather depend on Godship. 

Peace

 After my two week vacation I went back to work with someone who did not have educational experience run my class.  Instead of letting take it easy after my supposed break down I was given sub jobs and more students.  Quite stupid.

I also have been praying for peace with my aides.  I have been feeding into them compliments and in four short days there has been a huge difference.  One even told me to have a good evening and that was the one who caused my departure.  I faithfully prayed for peace and justice.  God chose peace.  Let Him handle the justice.  5 days off till the end of the year but I still may take more.  I need therapy.

Keeping My Mouth Shut

 I was reflecting on yesterday and realized that I do not have to vindicate myself.  All I need to do is keep my mouth shut. 

Gaslighting and Good Things

 Today was a day of mixed blessings.  FIrst of all I had my boss come by two times and tell you how fabulous the class is going without your help.  Second I had person after person tell me that they were seeing what was going on and did not agree with the situation.  Vindication!!!!

I got to use my WBT a lot today.  What a blessing.  I took off another day for a personal day.  So now I am down to only 6 Fridays this year.  So grateful.  

Thank you Lord for having me live through the storm.  I give it all to You.

Blessings from Feb. 27

 I am thankful for the following things yesterday.  I made it to and from school even with someone who could of hit me.  The time I got to work in another person's class and get my sea legs working again and remembering I am a good flexible teacher.  I got hugs from the kids who were able to give them to me.  Ava did not plop when I took her to the bathroom.  I had a peaceful lunch.  I got some reading and some stuff  done.  I did not have the pressure of negativity in my room.  Despite my hurt feelings from boss and sped staff I am thankful that I can rise above all things.  Much of my curriculum was used.  And the fact I can take 4 days off before the end of school. 

Gaslighting, Redemption, and Reverse Raism

 Today was quite the adventure.  First of all I was really nervous about work.  I went into my job and yes the classroom had changed but I also noticed that a lot of my stuff was being used.  The teacher showed up an hour late, spent fifteen minutes after her lunch break, left half an hour early and basically ignored me the whole day.  The last hour of the day she basically talked to her teachers and I was left supervising  sensory.  She also did not let me pass out what we are supposed to do for snack and only gave them one choice.

I spent an hour in the older  sped room.  It was really cool going from kid to kid and helping them out.  I even used some strategies with this one girl that only seems to get yelled at and gets nervous and makes mistakes.  Frankly I see a lot of kid me in her.  

Then lunch was okay.  No one announced when they were leaving except to go to the bathroom.

As I left my boss asked me about my day.  I said great and she told me that she was very happy with what is going on in the room and that it is supposed to stay that way.  Nice instead of how are you doing because I forced you to take a medical leave.

After work I stayed with the kinders  teachers and we discussed my incident.  The two teachers I feel are my friends were super supportive and stood up for me.  Lots of gossip went on around me.  I still don't trust the one but grateful they stood up for me.  The sped I liked even felt that the situation was not fair and accurately descriped.  I am glad I wrote the real truth.

As I reflect on the day I feel really not as tired and stressed but I am also sad.  In my anger I took off 4 days instead of 1 for sick days for doctors' appointments.  I may also take a vacation day or two.

Sped came in and they were bragging to the new teacher they were finally getting her curriculum.  Boy did that make me mad because I have made and spent so much in my room.  No one seemed to notice how well stocked my room was.  Frankly I think they expected to have the same way as the year progressed on. Boy will they be surprised when there is no more paper towels, plates and other supplies. 

It hurts but I just need to keep my head up, ask the Lord to have the face I need to have and frankly enjoy the break.  Help me to be kind and learn what I can from her.  I am not alone.  As I wind down for the day I am hurting but more peaceful than usual.  

Demotion can be less commotion

 I have tried to have a good attitude with this situation.  I have tried to do my best and then some but I am looking at this thing at least publicly for now as a situation that is less commotion in my soul.  No matter how I am treated, talked about and questioned.  I choose to keep my mouth shut.