I am so glad it is break. So much junk is happening around me. It seems like a lot of people want me to screw up. I am not perfect but I know I am trying harder than most.
I am breaking free from others opinions of me and focusing on what Christ wants for me and just keep on trying.
I finally figured it out. I am in a position where I cannot succeed in logic. But the Lord is more powerful and He can help me succeed. Second I am having the pressure put on me task is impossible but I am convinced that with the Lord's help I can do what I am called to do.
I am praying for resitution but I feel my word for this year is revision. May I be open to any changes I need to make but also that the people who are being stupid will be removed.
After putting my heart and soul in my lesson plans and activities I am told by the sped director that she needs to see more stuff in my lesson plans. I could scream. I have done what is best for kids, dealt with too many kids and being excellent in all I do. And then an aide that is trying to sabotage me. I am tired everyday. How much more stupid can I take. I will do what I am told but treat my classroom as a bonus anytime my aide does anything else but these stupid copious notes. I need a breakthrough. I have worked so hard and I know Lord you have been with me. Bring justice to this situation. Help the RBT to find a more suitable place for her, the BCBA to find another school district and may I have a heart of teach a bility.
This has been quite the weekend. First of all I wanted to see about the curriculum that I thought I was told I had to use. When I reached out to others for help the OT got frustrated with me, the para I had suddenly flipped out with texts and an email and the BCBA was upset because she was mad at me. My boss and I had a good talk about it. They meet without me on Monday. It is still such a mess.
Second I was dreading seeing my in laws. They are so toxic. I am hoping after all of this they will just move away. Yesterday I was going to skip seeing them and my husband got upset and said all kinds of things verbally threatening me with saying he was going to tell it all with them. Then he said he felt abandoned. I told him I was going with him and that I did not want him to feel abandoned. I was able to separate my feelings and just do what was right. I also told him I understood what abandoned meant and that we needed to have a talk about this after the funeral. He wanted answers and statements just then. I said it was not the time and place. I kept my cool when I saw them. The same stupid as before.
I need to pray for a clear head, wisdom in my mouth and mind and to look at things factually not emotionally.
I am thankful for a boss that supports me, teachers who include me and the fact that I am learning how to separate facts from feelings.
I don't want to see my in laws. I don't want to deal with stuff. But my husband says he feels abandoned. I feel like that a lot but this weekend is not the time to deal with it. I chose to not fall into the guilt trip or anger. God is my super hero
First of all it was a crappy day. The autism idiot is now bringing curriculum. I am just trying to find my way with all the cray cray. First of all the bcba came and you know she caused problems. She manipulated all the time with my aide and my her person suffered. My aide is conflicted with getting two sides of the story. Then the bcba was talking and then I was having trouble with my one student. Two teachers and two students. I had four. I asked for help but she would not help. On top of it I had my student left behind, my aide telling the volunteer what to do.
Tomorrow I will be open to the curriculum but until I am told from my principal I will not.
Then my MIL passed away and i get to deal with my inlaws for the weekend. I do not look forward to crazy.
