Thursday, September 27, 2018

It's my fault and not feeling guilty

Today I woke up with an original thought. What is my fault. Maybe that is why I am struggling. This week has been challenging as I work through a mess I did not create. It has caused problems that I felt I had to solve. But it is an opportunity as things change that I can look back and see what I caused and what I did not cause and move on. Instead of relying so much on others I give it to you God. Let my new opportunity be a good one and show me how to navigate through this new territory.

Sunday, September 23, 2018

Post Feelings out of Getting Kicked out of Church Ministry

A few months ago I was let go of the worship team at my church. It was because they wanted to use younger people and I was too old. They did not say it that way but it sure felt like it. I was very angry at the pastor for making such a stupid decision and upset at the music minister who allowed me to have this happen too. I was one of the best ones and always faithful.

As the weeks wore on I was asked to help out in children's church. After a week I decided to just stay there full time. It has been incredible. As time goes on I expect to use more and more of my talents. I even get to sing a solo next Sunday. How incredible. The pain I experienced in sitting in old people's church has been broken and now I finally look forward to going to church again.

I get thanked when I volunteer every week and I am still appreciated in youth. For the last three weeks I have been doing my running thing so I have not been at church. I think when I got next Sunday I will finally be able to shake the pastors hands and be nice. I am thankful the situation happened. I would of never discovered the joy I get in children's church. I also like youth too but sometimes doing two huge ministries in one day is a bit overwhelming. But then again it is only one day a week so I just deal with it.

I know I must forgive and move on. My prayer is that the decisions they make at church will be good ones and hurt less people. My attitude doing worship was right but if this mistake had not happened I would not be where I am now. I am still mad but I have forgiven them. I now finally see the light at the other end of the tunnel.

Ephesians 4:26 King James Version (KJV)

26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:

I am beyond the angry part and I am not sinning anymore. Just like Joseph I know eventually it will be revealed for a purpose.

Thursday, September 20, 2018

Seeing Things Through God's eyes

Today was a mixed bag. First of all my aide did not show up again. It is frustrating when someone spends more energy out of getting out of stuff than just doing it. But as I went about the task of doing two jobs the Lord began to let me experience stuff out of my students eyes as immature and self centered as it is. When I began to see things at their level my peace returned and I felt calm even when those around me didn't. Even when I was treated unfairly I knew when to react and how to let a lot of things go.

I guess the only thing that was hard was that my husband was not so understanding of my day. I wish he was a better listener. It hurts when the conversation is just one sided. But I am determined to let the Lord sort it out. I refuse to be angry. I let it go in God's time and hands.

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

Snowball Effect of Stupidity

1 Peter 5:6-7 New International Version (NIV)

6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Today has just been a series of what could of been frustrations. My lesson recently has been picking up other peoples' messes from people not wanting to do their job or just not doing it. It started with an aide not wanting to deal with a group of kids, then the librarian forgetting something she went to school for her degree, an expert doing everything against what she had in her degree in autism, someone in the office doing anything but her job, and also staff that would not attend to technology I need for my job so I don't get busted for not doing it. Last a parent who had her son have an accident but they threw away his disposable lunch ask me if he ate it when she refuses to see the doctor to put him on medicine so he does not have accidents and permanently cause kidney disfunction because she is just too busy but not too busy to complain on my emails.

I am learning

I don't have to go in other's drama
I don't have to worry about other people not doing their job
Try to take each challenge as a opportunity to figure out stuff
Decisions don't have to be made immediately especially when it is others stuff
I can't control just plain stupid.
Give me common sense over brains
Sometimes you just have to state the obvious.
Do the right thing and you will be always needed.

Friday, September 14, 2018

New Level New Devil

'Ephesians 6:16 which says, “In every battle you will need faith as your shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed at you by Satan.”

It has been quite the week. First of all it has been very busy. The students are getting a bit comfortable and the days are longer. That makes things crazy. Students are acting more mature than their parents in a lot of areas. What has been asked of me has been absolutely crazy. But I am determined to not let physical pain, intense worry and making everyone happy my concern. I am living in the choice that I will allow God to work it all out and I will just enjoy the journey. My faith is more than external and on the surface. I know that there might be new wrinkles in the situations but the Lord has been faithful before and I trust him for the new levels.

Monday, September 3, 2018

No Surprises and Got you Moments

God has been teaching me about learning to work with surprises. I cannot tell you the times that I have had in my classroom visitors or additions to my room without my prior knowledge. I am used to it but it does not minimize the stress it can cause. I guess that helps me when I see it happen to others like the problem parent who comes in the office, the prospective pastor for children's ministry no one talked about to anyone, the elder who showed up unannounced in church.

I could choose to get angry or allow the Lord to use it for His glory but I am also learning to have compassion for those who have to deal with it in my life. Sometimes it is just a prayer for them or me and other times it is saying a word saying "That is not right" or when I have surprises for my staff I realize respect and preparation for what is about to happen is essential.

You can't change crazy but you can learn how to react to it.

And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every desire and every thought. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever” (1 Chronicles 28:9).

Thursday, August 30, 2018

Choosing to Focus on the Positive

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. - Philippians 4:8

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. - Colossians 3:1-2

Today was another good day. I am blown away on how things have not been perfect but choosing to forget about the negative I am able to look at the good. It is still hard to think about the opportunities that have been taken away but during the week they have no power over me. I choose to have look toward God's favor, ask for wisdom and walk in peace.