More layers of crazy

 One of my students was really off the chain today.  He came in angry and the dad set him off before he went to school.  The parents are so out of control that they are bringing in his electronics so we can program them to be safe.  Something that parents could hide after hours with a dollar store lock.  

Then the SW was not there to help us and told us we were to find out if the student was safe by asking them how they wanted to die and what means they had to do so.  All of us refused.  

The BSBA was a complete moron and wanted me to drop the five in my class and attend to one crazy child still functuning in the dumb brain.  IT is sad when I am more calm than the educated BCBA.

We were two aides and one certified down and no one helped us.  I will keep my eyes and ears open for a new position at Transition Pod 2.  And I will be taking off some days in Nov. for sure. 

I am so tired of all the meetings with staff and not getting the answers or the help I need.  The answer is a form that is just sent into space.  

I am thankful I can keep my cool and that the Lord is with me. 

God is there and some doors closing

SAT. races was good.  There was some live music and great support.  Music at Godgiven moments. I was slower so it was disappointing that the course caused me to do the sidewalk.  Might be a race I do not do again but thankful that I am part of a group that does not leave a runner alone on the course.

Sun was pretty good.  I had a student reach out here hand during worship. With the Lords help my message went well.

Then I heard a message that went against my spirit.  But then this morning I heard a message that was sound. I leave this church in your hands.  It is not good for me. Help me in this growing time.

The Many Layers of Crazy

 Yesterday was just one bad day with lots of layers.  First I had a meeting with one of my bosses.  She felt insecure so she used that opportunity to make me feel bad.  I realized that immediately and then I did what I could to build her up even though it was me that figured out the situations. Then we had a group meeting and it was another huge disaster.  I had shared that our one person who is lazy needs more guidance.  Instead of talking with her pr.ivately they publically praised her.  It was nuts.  Then I found out more work I have to do and stuff that was someone else was put on me.  Then I was blamed for stuff that were lies. Also the kids were nuts in music.  It was like a spirit of crazy was in there and then the rest of the day was just nutso.  Finally the parent who talked behind my back lies and wanting unrealistic expectations was late picking up her granddaughter.

I am proud of myself though I realized the boss just did not like herself and I instead kept to facts and thanked her for ( nothing) Noted that in the futre I will not call her for help.  Also I asked for someone to help me and she refused.  

Then I figured it would happen but I was also told that I would not be reinbursed for my stuff I was told I could have.  Moving forward I will just expect I will not get paid. 

I complained to my mom and my husband and it  did not do anything for help.

Moving forward I will do what I need to do not to lessen my stress.  I will expect that I will be blamed for stuff that is not my fault.  I will not get the help I need.  People will get away with stuff and parents will talk behind my back.  

I can't control others but I can control myself. And as much as my ego is hurt I need to stick to the facts.  

And for next year I will be in prayer about how to handle situations including a position change.

Bad Decisions and letting things go

Today was just awful.  I had to sit in a meeting that could of been sent in an email.  The kids who desperately need structure came back after a four day weekend wild, my co teacher was freaking out with stuff that was not explained to me, they changed bus services on a few of my kids and then my boss came to visit and observe.  BUT with the grace of God I survived. Lord grant me and my other teachers wisdom.   Lord grant me peace 

Toxic Christians

 I was thinking of some of the people that I have interacted with in the past.  First I thought of the running groups I was a part of.  Then I thought of people initially I thought were safe and ended up being quite toxic.  I am thankful for learning and growing.  Now I am more smarter.   Thank you Lord for your eternal wisdom. 

enjoy where you are at

 Lately I have been convicted to enjoy where I am at.  Instead of getting frustrated, worrying about others opinions, and a Chris time table, things that are not my fault I have been focusing on what can I control and that God is going to give an answer in the way He sees fit.  And most of all He sees me doing all the things right.  

Yesterday I had to drop what I thought and let someone else get the answer.  I am also giving my mind rest and not worrying about how to solve the future.

God is in control and even though crazy has been given to me I can rely on God to have someone even not me control it. 

I gave this advice to mom.  Even though she is older the Lord is still using her with her relationships with other people.  I would love to be on a stage doing worship but frankly the stage that is available to me is not one I know that the Lord has me on.  I can't change others but I can let God change me. 

I look at all my wins.  I am positively impacting at least 4 out of my 6.  I am building a relationship with a kid that I thought would be such a problem.  My students are getting used to routine.  Good things are happening

Positives and Crazy

 Today was a full day with kids.  It was hard for them and the staff.  But the Lord is showing me how to balance my energy.  Also I am learning how to keep the teaching train going.  But at the end of the day I wore myself out with a kid who was just plum tired at the end of the day.  Wow was she tough and even with two teachers she could not be held down.  But I am done and home.  Thanks Lord for helping me