Control and Manipulation

 I am learning about how people use manipulation and control to get what they want.  Sometimes they even use other peoples words and twist them. Also sometimes you use stupid to get what you want.  I want to be that person that says what I mean.

Back to Business

 Got back after a five day hiatis.  It was a challenging day and my sleep definitely was affected.  I kept positive with the wins we had done for Mateo.  I am also battling the stupid phone with my new aide and her acting like she can't do tech.  

I am blessed though for a quick mind, God's wisdom, creativity and a good Bible study.  I also made dinner and it was okay.  I was so tired yesterday but I pushed through.

Off to Tommy's meeting.  Please Lord help me to slow down and not make mistakes. 

Blessings of Yesterday

 I had a day at home with e learning and things went well.  I am learning how the parents want to work with their child and how to present more e learning differently.  

I had a exceptionally long meeting but I was able to eat my lunch and get some paperwork done.  

My hubby and I made a new pasta dish.  It was good. 

I got my medication increased with my nurse.  I am hoping it will help with the anxiety.  

Better than Before

 Yesterday was a good day.  Just some surprises like e learning today and I had to get stuff together at the last minute.  I visited Diane and we had a nice lunch.  Mike and I enjoyed some Everybody Loves Raymond. 

I am learning instead of freaking out I just need to pray and allow myself to be human.  

Despite the inconviences of today I need to remember to not forget the past and how things are better now. 

Gods will not my will

 Yesterday I got to go to Elevation.  It was a good message.  The only thing that made me feel bad was that I will never have a kid.  I guess I need to pray for what God wants.  Not what I want.

Also listened to a good message about the New year with Greg Laurie.  He is so talented and anointed.  

Mike and I also had a good time with supper.  He is such a talented cook.  I am truly blessed. 

Bitter vs. Better

 I guess it all started when I asked my pastor a few years ago to pray for me.  Some pretty intense stuff was happening.  He brushed it off.  Then later I needed some ideas for therapy so I emailed him and he did not respond but I contacted a pastor at Moody and within a day I was on my way to Christian therapy.  More recently I caught him talking about my mentors negatively and then I was in the hospital.  No contact.  No visit.  When I mentioned about my dad he stated he wished he had extensive heart surgery he could take a break like that.  The people he surrounds him I had this gut feeling that things are not good.  I am not jealous or bitter but I am beyond disappointment and so I need to do what is best for me in the meantime.  Thankful for my new job and that I go to Elevation every other week.  

Now I am looking to a new year.  I need to loose weight and change up how I work out.  I am waiting for the next step in my spiritual and social life.  

I have to decide what I can control and what I can't control.  How the pastor responds to me I can't control.  I can't control who people have friends with.  But I can control how I respond and what I put in my mouth. 

Pressing toward the future

 I finally got to go to the gym yesterday.  I had a fairly good workout and a chance to think about my goals for the coming year.  I also heard Charles Stanley do a message on meditation.  Something for me to add to my quiet time.  I started one of the books Mike got yesterday.  I am hoping that maybe we can share with what we read with each other.  Planetshakers was good and the speaker brought out some good points.  The air purifier has been good.  It helps with sleeping definitely.  Grace did some funny stuff yesterday to get my attention.

I did have some nightmares last night regarding responsibilities old job stc.  I will pray about it and decide to work on my weaknesses and focus also on my victories. `

Well now it is quiet time and some meditation.