It is okay I am not perfect

 Today was a bit of a stressful day but I kept my cool by praying all the time.  Even when people gave me their helpful advice I tried to decipher good from bad.  Also when others would either put me down or make me feel bad. I do the best with the kids and I may not be the best but I am doing my best.  I am thankful for a little girl that let me change her big mess.  I am thankful for bringing job  

All day worship and praying

 I finally came to the conclusion that I am going to have to do everything on my own.  God is in control and I know He and his angels protect me.  Ava only plopped a few times today.  I bribed her with keeping her shirt.  On the way to art I had to monitor my almost full class and a heavy chair.  God showed me by having all my students push the cart I could keep track of them.  Then games that should of worked did not.  Five out of five of my cherubs are super sick but they won't stay home.  I found something through God's wisdom and it worked with jumping through hoops.  I also found that activities with too many choices is not good.  I kept them busy and even took as constructive criticism something my aide said.  I will get through this year with Christ's help.  I listened to two worship songs instrumental all day long.  I also prayed every time things went cray cray.  Thank you Lord for a improved day. 

Good Stuff

 If I were to say how I felt about yesterday I would say it was just awful.  It was 100s day and I had some fun activities for my students.  All of them bombed.  And my principal was disappointed I did not do the activity all the kids were doing in K.  Then no help and all my students are sick.  But then I got off work and got my hair cut.  No wait.  Then I got my art supplies from the library.  No wait.  

Yesterday as I was getting my students ready to go home none of them would get their coat on.  So I prayed and suddenly five minutes later all of them had their coat on.  

I guess I am going to have to do everything alone.  Despite two extra adults in my room I am going to have to do it all.  But I am not alone.  Jesus and his angels are there to bring peace and wisdom in a crazy situation.  I would like peace to come through this situation but most likely it won't come.  Help me learn from this experience. 

So much going on

 I know it has been a while.  First I had a series of seizures jan. 1st.  I was in the hospital for a few days but nothing.  Supposely I can't drive.  I have been a bit.  Lots happening at my job.  My new aide has done so much to destroy me.   And I am being called on the carpet for stuff that should of been given to my last August.  I am trying to fix things but my staff is on a mission to do as little and twisting my words.  And I am supposed to do this with my medical condition.  I know God is in control and I am thankful for all the prayers and concerns.  Then this student who was not a behavior problem bit my aide when I was gone.  Frankly I was not sad for my aide.  Getting scratched, hit and sometimes bit is part of the job.  I have  stood up to the aides but to no avail but I am expected to handle everything yet my aides won't do anything.  I do see miracles every day.  My students are growing and God is helping me in a toxic situations.  just the right songs, scriptures, etc.  I want peace but I also want justice.  I see so many God winks.  But it is hard to be at a job where people don't like you and want to destroy you.  I went into teaching for the children and their personalities and learning.  It is sad when taking data, getting out of the work, having to decide to only take children who want to learn is your only desire said my classroom aide.  I pray for strength but I am open to a change this late in my career and retiring five to eight years earlier than I originally thought   I am glad God is in control. 

Failure is not an Option

 I am so glad it is break.  So much junk is happening around me.  It seems like a lot of people want me to screw up.  I am not perfect but I know I am trying harder than most.  

I am breaking free from others opinions of me and focusing on what Christ wants for me and just keep on trying.  

Never Enough

 I finally figured it out.  I am in a position where I cannot succeed in logic.  But the Lord is more powerful and He can help me succeed.  Second I am having the pressure put on me task is impossible but I am convinced that with the Lord's help I can do what I am called to do.

I am praying for resitution but I feel my word for this year is revision. May I be open to any changes I need to make but also that the people who are being stupid will be removed. 

Continuation of the Cray Cray

 

After putting my heart and soul in my lesson plans and activities I am told by the sped director that she needs to see more stuff in my lesson plans.  I could scream.  I have done what is best for kids, dealt with too many kids and being excellent in all I do.  And then an aide that is trying to sabotage me.   I am tired everyday.  How much more stupid can I take.  I will do what I am told but treat my classroom as a bonus anytime my aide does anything else but these stupid copious notes.  I need a breakthrough.  I have worked so hard and I know Lord you have been with me.  Bring justice to this situation.  Help the RBT to find a more suitable  place for her, the BCBA to find another school district  and may I have a heart of teach a bility.