Facts, Feelings, and Future, Treasure Finds

 This has been quite the weekend.  First of all I wanted to see about the curriculum that I thought I was told I had to use.  When I reached out to others for help the OT got frustrated with me, the para I had suddenly flipped out with texts and an email and the BCBA was upset because she was mad at me.  My boss and I had a good talk about it.  They meet without me on Monday.  It is still such a mess.

Second I was dreading seeing my in laws.  They are so toxic.  I am hoping after all of this they will just move away.  Yesterday I was going to skip seeing them and my husband got upset and said all kinds of things verbally threatening me with saying he was going to tell it all with them.  Then he said he felt abandoned.  I told him I was going with him and that I did not want him to feel abandoned.  I was able to separate my feelings and just do what was right.  I also told him I understood what abandoned meant and that we needed to have a talk about this after the funeral.  He wanted answers and statements just then.  I said it was not the time and place.  I kept my cool when I saw them.  The same stupid as before.

I need to pray for a clear head, wisdom in my mouth and mind and to look at things factually not emotionally.

I am thankful for a boss that supports me, teachers who include me and the fact that I am learning how to separate facts from feelings. 

Doing the Right Thing

 I don't want to see my in laws.  I don't want to deal with stuff.  But my husband says he feels abandoned.  I feel like that a lot but this weekend is not the time to deal with it.  I chose to not fall into the guilt trip or anger.  God is my super hero

My Workaholic stuff is paying off

It is amazing how my teaching has become a comfort zone for other people and not for kids.  My aide is really doing things against me and fortunately for me this is back firing.  I am glad I have my boss. Thank you Lord for teaching me mistakes through seeing things as they really are. 

A tough day

 First of all it was a crappy day.  The autism idiot is now bringing curriculum.  I am just trying to find my way with all the cray cray. First of all the bcba came and you know she caused problems.  She manipulated all the time with my aide and my her person suffered.  My  aide is conflicted with getting two sides of the story.  Then the bcba was talking and then I was having trouble with my one student.  Two teachers and two students.  I had four.  I asked for help but she would not help.   On top of it I had my student left behind, my aide telling the volunteer what to do.

Tomorrow I will be open to the curriculum but until I am told from my principal I will not. 

Then my MIL passed away and i get to deal with my inlaws for the weekend.  I do not look forward to crazy.  

Positives

 Today I kept my cool when people tried to manipulate situations.  I learned a quick prayer and pausing before I spoke.  Good things.  Jamarr's behavior went well the first part of the day and he lined up right away. 

Crazy Stuff I only noticed but definitely God Winks

 First of all I am thankful that unexpectantly I got to see my dad perform a baptism.  How cool was that.  Then I had the wrong lesson planned and the Lord worked it out that I was able to change successfully on a dime with another one.  Then I saw my pastor and how he is really a needing attention kid at heart. I even heard a life changing call on Dr. Laura today.  I trust God that you have my back.  Thanks Lord for your blessings today. 

Dreams

 

I have been having quite vivid dreams lately.  One is that I have been trying to get help for a problem that essentially is not my fault.  I try the police, husband, and no avail.  When I woke up I realized that I needed to pray and ask God for help with these situations.  Another that I am in a space where there is evil and I don't feel comfortable about venturing out there.  When I try to control the situation somehow more nick nacks appear.  I can't control others but I can control myself.