I have decided that in the situation about someone lying to my face is that they have gotten so deep into lying that they are lying to themselves. May I never get to that point.
Lately I have had many little winks from God. First songs at just the right time on the radio, Devaughn reaching out to an unlovable person and how I am learning how to handle situations that in the past would of destroyed me. God is so good.
I had an experience today just like this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STiej_174vQ
Today my student started today. I did not want more students but he came. I thought that his mother had checked with the office but apparently she had not. I remember telling her to do so and also let my boss know the intent of the parent. Unfortunately I did not document with emails any of these conversations and I now have a letter in my file that says I went over the principal and let the new student come. I told her several times that this was not true but she had forgotten to add the student per our conversation and i was written up. Also she lied and said my class including a rascal was perfect when I was gone. It is so sad that doing things with integrity is not taken and lies again are being spread about me in this school. She says she is a believer and she lied about these things. Guess even my conversations about my weekend need to be documented in email now. When will the lying stop. Then the parent realized I had gotten in trouble and might talk to my principal about this. So sad. I just hope it does not cause a bigger mess. If she says she had the conversation with my boss it could look worse for my boss and then for me. I will take the letter of lies and just trust that my VERY OVERDUE eval will be at least average. God you fix this situation.
It was an excellent spring break. On Tuesday I got a massage, Thursday I went to the salt cave. I faced my fears and started the process on refinancing. I went to the eye doctor, gyno and got to Swallow Cliff twice this week. I got to witness to an autistic adult which rekindled my dream of being a job coach in my retirement. Then two places asked me NOT ME BEGGING asked me to teach yoga and fitness. We will see about enrollment but after all the crazy experiences I have had over the past year I feel like a new door is opening.
Next week back to the usual grind. I always fear the return to a less than desirable situations but I am grateful for employment and one that I basically run the show. There is so much I can't control. I can't control my feelings, my emotions but I can control how I respond.
Friday was a good day. We had a service Friday night that was okay but the altar time as amazing. The kids shared their needs and it really blew my mind how some kids shared their hearts not for themselves but others. It also showed me that I need to be cautious what I share with kids. They do not have the capabilties to understand things and the stuff they were dealing with was pretty heavy. Saturday I was introduced to a child I rescued Christmas Eve that had gotten outside the house and was crying. The parents and grandparents told me how grateful again they were for me.
Sunday I really enjoyed Easter Egg Hunting with the kids and blessing them. I am so happy that the Lord has taken my sorrow for not having kids and helped me focus on the fun of Easter again.
This week has been a week of crazy ups and downs. First of all Sunday I went to church and I have been struggling with childrens church with other peoples decisions that are not my own. When if effects me and it is about music I really take it personally but when I did worship Sunday I found that what was supposed to be just lyrics the pastor had added motions. Initially it made me mad because I was unprepared but I decided to roll with it and just do what I could. Then Monday hit and no break. I felt like I was going crazy in my room with noise, activity and the like. No help from my aide she just sat there like a bump on a log. Then Tuesday I was super sick and had to teach through a major migraine all day. Wednesday was a day of victory as I tried some new things with my challenging student and it worked. Thursday my student did not reappear and I was sad I could not practice with him for my absences in April. I was also frustrated because again my boss in her moments of being overwhelmed made me feel like my aide's chronic lazy behavior was my fault. Also that I had it easy with my job of students who had constant tantrums and I had to navigate discipline in a Covid limited consequence world. But again I leave what I can't control into God's hands. I can't control my aide, my principal's bad decisions and the situations where my pastor is being manipulated by others. For the music I choose to be respectful and do what he says without frustration or malice, I put myself with my kids in the best situation but remember that sometimes there are things I can't control like someone who does not get my job or an aide who refuses to do her work. I am thankful for so many things like a new car, a husband who is faithful and some time off next week I can recharge, get caught up in life and prepare for the last few weeks of school. I need to remember that with new levels of challenge and victories come new frustrations. I can choose to wallow in frustration or move forward. Honestly I believe more that my students benefiting my me I have learned how wot listen to the Holy Spirit and do what He tells me to do.
I have changed attitudes since my last post. I am looking at this situation as a challenge but I am excited to further my skills. I want the autism expert to succeed. I want to find things that work. Lord I pray that this will be a successful experience with Kaylee, myself and Toni. Bring wisdom and ideas to all of us. I want to do things your way God. Thanks so much Lord.
At first I was excited about the changes at my school. It seemed like I was where I needed to be. Then my world came crushing down with people trying to find out my weaknesses. I have a meeting tomorrow where we are going to figure out how to help this kid in my class. I am open to suggestions and I will try all of them but it is frustrated when all the work and prayer you have done seems to be for nothing. Help me Lord as I walk into a meeting where the world could make me feel totally helpless. Get rid of my pride and be open to new things but let me stay victorious even in the midst of a tough situation. People who are weak make others feel weak. Let me learn from the experience and see how NOT to handle a situation. God you are in control. Let my cause shine like the noonday sun.
April 9, 2021 few weeks have emerged since this post. My little rascal was supposed to leave but due to laziness of the parent not wanting her child going to another school and being responsible for getting children ready for school at different times has decided he should stay with me. The HELP I was supposed to get has been anything but present and the opinions still linger but frankly they are out of advice. This is ok though. God showed me that Devaughn was not put in my life for his betterment but for me to see that whatever is given to me I can handle if I trust you God.
