Living Through Other People's Mistakes and Paying the Consequences for them

It has been a challenging week.  First of all I found out my current aide did not want to be in my mind anymore.  The other aide from the other class did not want to either.  It is hard to work with someone who you have tried to make peace and do Godly choices not like you.  I know it is not my fault.  I have been dealt a tough situation and I know that the Lord is using it for His glory.

My friend over the weekend kept on digging for dirt on my situation via social media.  I tell her to stop but I know she can't.  She is special and only wants to help.  I try to be kind but finally I have to just turn off Facebook and let the conversation go. 

Then today I did a few things in kids church and the outcome was not what I wanted to happen.  I was ready I was prepared but due to other circumstances did not turn out.  The icing on the cake was tonight when I went to youth group to meet the new pastor and what I had helped out with for the last few years had been taken over and I was completely replaced.  I told Mike I could not handle a fourth retirement from worship team.

Why did it happen.  I know I am blessed and that things went well as possible this week with my aide, I did well with the message about missions, my signing went well even with the glitches and I even did a good game when the kids were let out early.  It was not my fault that I was replaced on team and that suddenly I don't exist in youth.  I think about others who are less fortunate than me.

Then I come home and Mike wants to talk and baby him.  I just can't handle it.  I am hurting.  I am sad.  I am angry that doing the right thing seems wrong and I am getting pushed back to the curb.  Again. 

How can I tell my friend who is only 18 what happened.  I want to be a good example.  I tell my mom and all she does is tell me something else.  God I am hurting.  I am tired of taking the blame and shame for others stupidity.  I can't handle this.  I just want to hide.  But then I think of the kids in childrens church.  They like me.  I love my students at school. 

Lord I cannot change others but I can change my perspective.  I will not let others with Your help steal my peace and joy.  But I am officially retiring from youth even if my husband goes in and out of youth and I won't consider myself on worship team except as a special guest once in a while.  Too much hurt and pain.    Sometimes I still feel like the kid in grade school who always was left out so it was just more easy to play by yourself or spend your lunch in the bathroom where no one could say something mean or hurt you. 

I choose to do my job at school   and stand up to my aide if I need to.  I can't control others but I sure wish they would control themselves for a change. 
Romans 8:26
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.

HELP!

Psalm 46^:1

 

¹ God is our refuge and strength,
    an ever-present help in trouble.

 

 

Lately I have been falling into the trap of trying to do it all.  My mom thinks I am too busy but I have been asking for help from God in learning to say no and goodbye.  Yesterday I found out my aide wants to leave my room.  Immediately I think that I did something wrong.  Then I go to my coaching gig and the director puts me in an unfamiliar spot with autistic kids who thrive on structure.  This also happens to me in school today.  I am learning not to try to fix everything on my own but when things get crazy just say God help!    I know that we need to pray about what is going wrong in life and be specific but when the impossible out of your control moment happens it is okay to just say HELP!  

 

Because I am a teacher who is passionate about my students it seems like I am always getting the short end of the stick, taken advantage of, etc.  I asked the Lord what I was doing wrong and He said nothing.  As a doer it is hard to do nothing but I am learning to just say HELP! when I don't know what to do.  I also ask for a teachable spirit. 

 

I can't control a lot of what happens to me.  My circumstances, my work associates, but I can control to pray for HELP!

Just Four Months

Colossians 3:23-25 Amplified Bible (AMP)

23 Whatever you do [whatever your task may be], work from the soul [that is, put in your very best effort], as [something done] for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing [with all certainty] that it is from the Lord [not from men] that you will receive the inheritance which is your [greatest] reward. It is the Lord Christ whom you [actually] serve. 25 For he who does wrong will be punished for his wrongdoing, and [with God] there is no partiality [no special treatment based on a person’s position in life].

I have blogged about what happened to me in late June many times.  Now the people who caused me to have a exit from worship team are gone.  It is hard to believe that so much has happened in just four short months.  Now I am at the cross roads.  I was even asked to come back.  I initially did not want to but I realize that maybe it is more than just my will and that my husband needs me to sit with him in church, participate in team and maybe my time singing is not done yet.  God will work out the details. 

Yet I am so grateful for children s church where I am even getting to use my gift of sign, other talents that have been dormant for years and being in an environment where I am loved, cared, and finally appreciated.  

It is a sign that God is the God of justice.  I feel bad that the people who caused this pain are gone because the results of their behavior is adversely affecting others but satisfied that the justice of the Lord is finally being done.  

Apples of Gold in Pictures of Silver

Today was a day of seeing things from a different perspective.  First of all I had been praying that the Lord would give me insight on my aide.  I realized that she likes to think outloud. What I thought was that she was mad was just thinking without processing it inside.  When I finally realized it I understood many times she was not mad at me but just questioning stuff.

Second I have been needing help sometimes and lately it has come from unlikely sources like the nurse, my former aide and a sub.  God knows when I need something and even though I should get it in one place He knows that when they don’t do their job that He will find it for me somewhere else.

Third, today a parent approached me about a child going on a trip.  It had been a struggle getting communication with her. As much as I wanted to freak out on her when she approached me on this I kept my cool and apologized.  I am learning that saying sorry when something is not even my fault diffuses a lot of things. I even got to share with her when she said she was getting a divorce that I would be praying for her and even hugged her.  God is so good to help me speak apples sometimes.

Fourth, my former principal actually apologized me me about something he had not done wrong.  It blew my mind so much I could not believe it and wished I could of video or voice created the situation.  How crazy is that?

Last I have been really making progress with WBT.  I see the growth of my students. They blow my mind so much.  Having probably one of the most difficult classes in the district but in my opinion one of the most interesting and creative I have been approached by two teachers saying that they wish they had taken sped ed.  That is only God.

Stupid is what Stupid Does

Proverbs 25:16

By patience and a calm spirit a ruler may be persuaded,
And a soft and gentle tongue breaks the bone [of resistance].


I remember the movie Forest Gump.  He said his mom said Stupid is what Stupid does.  Sometimes you can't argue with stupid.  I had several situations today where I had to be calm with stupid.  One was a student who was not medicated and I had to think through how to handle it.  Second, one of my fellow staff who was angry with me.  Not sure if she felt I had made a bad decision or that I was trying to get out of work.  Then my boss came to me to ask me about something minor that could of been handled with a single email or decision.  

I was about at my wits end today.  I kept my cool but it was really hard.  But thankfully I am learning that I have no one to keep happy but the Lord.  Then as I was dealing with one of my stupids someone told that I was a dedicated and amazing teacher.  God is truly good.  He gives me feedback that I am doing a good job through Him at just the right time.

God's timing and giving up the control

This week has been a series of things I can't control.  First of all a mouse.  We have one in our house.  It is slightly smarter than the ones we have had in the past.  Mike is trying some ways to get rid of it but it is to no avail.  I think that is like life.  We do all the right things and for some reason it does not happen or work.  We need to be patient and let go and let  God do his thing.  I am not sure how we will catch this mouse but I am positive that the Lord will find a way to catch it whether he uses our wisdom, His wisdom or a professional.  It will get done.

Second I have been living under many situations where things have been under others control like last minute emergencies, decisions, etc.  It is hard because my natural inclination is to just finish a project and move on.  But many people do things at the absolute last minute and that is really frustrating to me.  But despite my lack of control in many areas I know ultimately God is in control.

James 1:5

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5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

How Not To Be Stupid

How Not To Be Stupid

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Proverbs 12:15-16 Amplified Bible (AMP)

15 
The way of the [arrogant] fool [who rejects God’s wisdom] is right in his own eyes,
But a wise and prudent man is he who listens to counsel.
16 
The [arrogant] fool’s anger is quickly known [because he lacks self-control and common sense],
But a prudent man ignores an insult.

I am learning that if I want to rise above stupid I need to listen to counsel and overlook an insult.  I want to be self-controlled and have common sense.