Living Through Other People's Mistakes and Paying the Consequences for them

It has been a challenging week.  First of all I found out my current aide did not want to be in my mind anymore.  The other aide from the other class did not want to either.  It is hard to work with someone who you have tried to make peace and do Godly choices not like you.  I know it is not my fault.  I have been dealt a tough situation and I know that the Lord is using it for His glory.

My friend over the weekend kept on digging for dirt on my situation via social media.  I tell her to stop but I know she can't.  She is special and only wants to help.  I try to be kind but finally I have to just turn off Facebook and let the conversation go. 

Then today I did a few things in kids church and the outcome was not what I wanted to happen.  I was ready I was prepared but due to other circumstances did not turn out.  The icing on the cake was tonight when I went to youth group to meet the new pastor and what I had helped out with for the last few years had been taken over and I was completely replaced.  I told Mike I could not handle a fourth retirement from worship team.

Why did it happen.  I know I am blessed and that things went well as possible this week with my aide, I did well with the message about missions, my signing went well even with the glitches and I even did a good game when the kids were let out early.  It was not my fault that I was replaced on team and that suddenly I don't exist in youth.  I think about others who are less fortunate than me.

Then I come home and Mike wants to talk and baby him.  I just can't handle it.  I am hurting.  I am sad.  I am angry that doing the right thing seems wrong and I am getting pushed back to the curb.  Again. 

How can I tell my friend who is only 18 what happened.  I want to be a good example.  I tell my mom and all she does is tell me something else.  God I am hurting.  I am tired of taking the blame and shame for others stupidity.  I can't handle this.  I just want to hide.  But then I think of the kids in childrens church.  They like me.  I love my students at school. 

Lord I cannot change others but I can change my perspective.  I will not let others with Your help steal my peace and joy.  But I am officially retiring from youth even if my husband goes in and out of youth and I won't consider myself on worship team except as a special guest once in a while.  Too much hurt and pain.    Sometimes I still feel like the kid in grade school who always was left out so it was just more easy to play by yourself or spend your lunch in the bathroom where no one could say something mean or hurt you. 

I choose to do my job at school   and stand up to my aide if I need to.  I can't control others but I sure wish they would control themselves for a change. 
Romans 8:26
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.