Lean Unto the Lord

 I woke up Saturday at midnight and could barely walk.  My butt and leg were all messed up and I threw up all over the kitchen table.  I realized my body finally said enough stress.  You need to take it easy.  

I heard a fantastic message from Charles Stanley on love.  I need to quit trying on my own and just relying on the Lord more than ever before.  I guess the last few days had really stressed me out.  

My internal is not lying up with the external and frankly I am not sure how much more I can take.

I need the Lord's help to take the people pleasing away and just let things happen.  

Happy Things

 Today Mohammad gave me a hug unexpectantly.  And I was able to be flexible in so many ways.  Thanks Lord for helping me be aware of happy things. 

Final Straw

 I have been doing pretty good with no help on so many things in my new position.  Today though I kind of dropped the ball on a small detail.  My principal called me and told me that I needed to do things better and that I should do things right so I don't have a call from her.  Last week the vice iditot called me on the carpet for stupid stuff. 

I have had a least 20 things I have quietly tried to fix and did not send a call that they had not done wrong.  

I am deternmined to do things right this year but I will be making a lateral transfer.  Today was the final straw.

Attitude but Prayer

 Yesterday I did kids church.  My two charges showed up.  I kept them busy and personally they sat pretty well.  There were other kids being bad but I realized I could only do so much.  I also caught some kids causing problems and also trying to steal.  It just shows me I need to pray.  For for Pastor Michael and also for the kids.  I can't change others but I can change myself.  Also the charges were better behaved.  I am thankful. 

Need to Pray

 Yesterday I watched my husband's pastor preach.  He declared to the crowd his political officiation, what they should not be and frankly got super political.  I decided instead of having an attitude to pray.

Today I think my game went pretty well.  But the service I would say most of the kids were not listening and then new kids we had were trying to steal, cause havic.  I don't want to be profiling but these new kids we have been getting are really causing problems and PM can't really do anything about it because we are stepping on egg shells with them.

I again need to pray.

I could really let the situations give me a bad attitude toward Stone but I choose to let prayer be my aim. 

The opportunity of handling things better, doing somethings well and learning to let go of my ego

 Today was a mix of lots of different feelings.  First we were one staff short.  That always effects everyone and then still being down one person adds to it.  My assistant supervisor who loves to find stuff wrong with me just showed up with no warning etc.  I was engaged and fortunately I was able to pivot to the right things.  I watch myself and I see where the Lord has given me wisdom for this time in my life.  

I am starting to gel with Noah our MI kid, Ava my TBI and MI kid.  Then we had a sick kid and the parents refused to pick him up.  Finally after a call from the nurse they picked him up.  In the midst of it my staff was mad because they did not want to get sick.  Frankly I did not want to as well.

Then at the end of the day a parent was late.  They were mad I kept on texting them and did not appologize that they had arrived almost 45 minutes late.  And to top it off the kid who is normally pretty good was kind of bad and challenging me. 

Last night we had Reflect with EC and it was really good.  A very timely word   I am learning about the difference of what I am supposed to carry, what is not my responsibility and what the Lord will carry for me.  

I also joined a new E group and so we will see how that goes. 

The Challenge of Bouncing off you

 I am learning that when people attack me I need to differentiate whether the statement is valid.  Most of the time when it it not I need to just let stuff go.  It is difficult but I am learning