Sunday, December 19, 2021

Shooting off my Mouth

 Friday I was a complete basket case.  First I found out my amazer was leaving.  I tried to do the right thing but no matter what I seem to do it is never enough.  I shot my mouth off when my boss tried to accuse me  of doing something I had not done.  My co teacher in the room shot her mouth off to my boss.  I found out she heard what I said.  I had been trying so hard to stay out of drama, not listen to gossip and not have an opinion on anything.  Then I found out we have to completely change up our learning in just a few days since the Covid cases are rising.  What a drama with my superintendent looking for anyone who disagreed with her regarding going to teaching on the computer.  


I thought about what I needed to do which was impossible in just two days to get my parents ready to do this.  


2 Don’t shoot off your mouth, or speak before you think.
Don’t be too quick to tell God what you think he wants to hear.
God’s in charge, not you—the less you speak, the better.



I am learning to just think before I speak and quickly learning who and whom I can trust.  It is so sad to work in a toxic world where people talk behind your backs, tell your secrets, and are only out for themselves.  It is such a toxic situation where trust is violated, people who fail are blamed and people seem to revel in ours faults.   I am learning to just keep my mouth shut, pray for others who are struggling and keep going with people who constantly change their mind.


I am looking at this remote situation where I have to teach after break without students as a blessing.  God works in mysterious ways.  Initially it will be some work but I know that I can with His help succeed and maybe a bad situation where there is toxicity I can move from it and be in my little pod and just do me and my class.  

Tuesday, December 14, 2021

Dog returns to it's vomit

 Proverbs 26:11 talks about a dog returning to its vomit and a fool returning to folly.  The longer I am a teacher the more I realize the more I don't know.  I refuse to do life as before.  Lord help me not be the fool today. 

Monday, December 13, 2021

Strong means Hard and Rigid

 New International Version

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.


I looked up several versions, Strongs and some commentaries and what struck me today is that I need to be tough, hard and rigid.  Sometimes in the storm it means being that way.  Lord help me be that way in all situations. 

Sunday, December 12, 2021

Enemies at Peace With Me

 Proverbs 16:7

When I am trying to please God He makes even my worst enemies to be at peace with me.


I am currently in a place where everyone is trying to get everyone else in trouble.  It is quite toxic.  I  would love to see someone get theirs but I am learning that this is not the best way.  My attitude needs to be one of peace and concern.  Even when things work out that I am able to leave Illinois School or those who have given me problems leave I need to be a person of peace.  Jesus let me see my troubled students and my enemies as you see them as people who need You. 

Life in Order

 Proverbs 24:27

27 Put your outdoor work in order
    and get your fields ready;
    after that, build your house.



This really hit me.  I can't change so many things but I can be structured and think through what I need to accomplish at work and at home.  Thanks Lord for reminding that the flash is not as important as the structure. 

Wednesday, December 1, 2021

Calm in the Midst of the Storm

 Yesterday I made some changes.  It was a lot of work at the desks instead of carpet.  That seemed to work well.  Second I made some changes with more independent work.  That also seemed to help.  I could feel the anger of my boss yesterday regarding the situation.  I look at her perspective and i see why she feels the way she feels but I also know each day what I am dealing with.  So I just do the best I can, pray and move on.  


Last night was my last night of yoga for a while.  It went okay.  I feel like it was not my best night but afterwards everyone commented how much they liked it.  I guess I did okay.  Thanks God for the positive comments and helping me do something slightly out of my comfort zone.   I know it was you.


Second I look to today.  I want to do well.  I am so over what people think.

Proverbs 16:7 says


When the Lord takes pleasure in anyone’s way,
    he causes their enemies to make peace with him.  



I pray for peace today. 

Monday, November 29, 2021

My Fault Yet Not My Fault

 My students spent a total of ten minutes outside today.  Two of my students were just being really bad.  So they were sitting out.  Then we went in.  My students decided to not come in and the others were just being crazy.  My vice principal tells me what they are doing wrong and then tells me to go in she will watch the kids coming in.  One kid does not come in.  Then she does and I am written up for her not coming in.  It was only a spilt 30 seconds but enough that I could lose my job over it.  I feel so dumb.  My kids are wild and I feel really stupid.  But I look at this as an opporutnity.  No matter what happens I know God is in control.  Please forgive me for making a mistake and thank you Lord nothing happened.  Help me fix the mess.  Help me make the best of this bad situation and just work at making it work better. Hopefully I can move on and realize no one is going to help me.  I will just have to do it myself. 



Looks like my vice principal fessed up.  I have a bit more respect for her.  I was praying she would fess up but it still is another confirmation that this year will be over and either I will be somewhere else or my boss will be.  God is in control.