Today I did kids church. I am pleased to say that the kids were pretty engaged. They had good input and seemed to get what I was saying. I did notice though someone in my past that walked out when I was teaching. It seemed to make him mad that a woman was teaching. All I was doing is kids ministry which I essentially do six days a week.
I can't change others but I can change myself.
Today was a mixture of blessings and crazy. First I had some blessings like SC, getting my glasses fixed, getting my pizza on, finding cheap crafts for the fall, and getting back to life. I can't change others but I can change my perspective.
My sister in law called me again. I think she is going to share my niece's alternative lifestyle. But when I told her my availablity she stated she was going on vacation and that it would have to wait till the end of the month. It makes me so angry that after I have done all to be nice it just blasts again and again. I give it to you God.
I had a few situations where the younger helpers in kids church tried to take over in situations including mine. I initially was upset because I felt they were not being respectful. Then I thought about a few times I tried to help Pastor Michael and instead was trying to take over.
Having staff who actually want to work has been a game changer for me. I am learning when to allow them to help me even if it is not how I would do it and then stepping up when I need to.
I am learning it is better I allow Pastor Michael to fail and also to let him deal with the situation the way he feels is best.
I can't change others but I can change how I approach things.
Yesterday Mike announced to me that I needed to take his car in for repairs. I don't have to wait but take it in. Initially I was mad because it had been a problem that had been going on for months and I felt it was not fair that I had to clean up his mistake. But then I thought about it. Really it is not a big deal. I am off and also able to help him out. And actually there is tons of stuff I can do around here in the house.
Yesterday we had a last minute change and ended up going on a field trip. It was hot, muggy and most of my staff wore the wrong clothes. It might be my fault but it might not.
My singing student really got loud. When others were stressed so was she. Everyone is offering ideas. Good ones but none of them worked.
I had some staff mad at me and others arguing. It definitely was not the students. I am realizing that I am still suffering from people pleasing
But last minute changes I learned what to do. First of all I cannot change others. If a student does not go on a trip I need to ask my staff to help me. Second I need to allow my staff to error, drive each other crazy and help more.
I can't change others but I can change myself under the directions of the Holy Spirit.
I got to work today and I found out I was going to be on the same bus as a teacher who does not like me or at least one of my kids in the class. I tried to see if she was not coming but she came late.. Also I tried to see if she could stay at school. But my boss would not let her stay because she felt that that the others needed to deal with it. So I put her on another bus. It went well except at the end she was loud at the job and another student who was even louder yelled at her. The teacher gave me several dirty looks. I made sure was not on the bus coming home.
After lunch the SW who is used to all kinds of behavior was bothered by the singing again. The staff at lunch so I took her for a walk. On the walk she got accidently loud by the mean teacher's room and the student yelled at her again. Then I got the dirty look again. The SW questioned me and I felt that I was under fire for trying to please everyone.
On top of that I made some errors with attendance since I was juggling the student, the mad teacher and trying to fix the problem.
Last I had the muslim teacher cause havic at the job site and I had to break them up by my autistic teacher. I told her several times to follow the rules of the place. Then she decided that she wanted to take a 30 minute break instead of her 15 despite the fact she probly slept the whole way to and from the trip.
I am thankful I survived.
Moving forward I will speak with confidence when I have to deal with mean and stupid people and with my bosses I will try to fix problems without involving them. Last I will make sure my attendance is correct and realize that I will not be able to please others all the time..
I am becoming more tolerant of people and stuff. So thankful for God's provision and how he helps me with people who are unwilling to listen. But sometimes it cracks me up when someone gets ticked off at the right time.
I am learning that my life is kind of Jael. In the Bible Judges is kind of a funky book. Describles me so well. I am learning that former experiences have shaped me into what I am supposed to be right now.
I see where my life good and bad has helped me in understanding people, doing scary things and starting to accept myself. I am not perfect but I am glad I am not where I used to be.
Thank you Lord for making me a unique individual.
