God's Timing and Not Mine

 I was reflecting on some things lately that have been happening and I am again encouraged that the Lord is in charge of my life and others.  I think about how my former aide who caused me so much pain is now paying back for her sins.  Never in my life could I even imagined that someone who has been around longer than any other staff could get what she deserved.  I choose to not be bitter but learn from the experiences.

Bye Bye

 I am so thankful for Covid.  It has really helped me realized toxic people.  I should of gone with my gut feeling and stayed cautious with this person.  I saw it in her eyes and my gut said watch out.  But I was thrown by the tales of change I fell for it. 

It went okay until my kid would should of been in the alternate school came in and suddenly I was the throng of no help help.  Then my eval.  I poured my heart and soul into it and all I got was one page with no explanation and average.  Then I was called in the office with getting written up for something I did not do but a mistake on my boss' part and all she did was lie to my face to save hers.  

Then I go in for the talk and my only suggestion was shut down with another suggestion that was so generic.  

I have decided to do what I am told but from now on I am not voicing my opinion and just being a good soldier and just doing what I am told until I retire.  

I look at you and say you have blown it more than the many times you  have thrown me under the bus.  

Help me forgive Lord but it gets hard when the toxicity comes out.

Learning from other people's errors

 Today I am learning about what not to do by having people do stuff to me.  It makes me angry.  Time to move on and enjoy my life despite stupid

The Blame Game

 Yesterday I sat in a meeting and it was basically a bunch of blaming.  The principal left and suddenly they were bad mouthing her, other teachers, they knew that my aide was lazy without me saying anything, and they loved the fact that my class has hardly anyone in it next year.  I prayed before the meeting and it made me really angry even though it was not geared toward me.  The Lord woke me up and I realized I needed to forgive those who had made me upset.  It is sad when someone has to big the person who has to always have the last word.  It is sad that my principal did not deal with things.  It is sad that my person for sped ed did not check up on things.  Blame, blame, blame.  Lord help me to forgive and move on. 

Stuff that Does Not Matter and Learning from Mistakes

 I have been dealing with lots of stuff that does not seem fair but really it does not affect me so really it does not matter.  

Yesterday my mouth went before my brain.  First of all I realized that the decision had already been made and my response should of been to agree with him and last to maybe get off the call when I felt frustrated.  

This trusting God stuff is tough sometimes but so important. 

Average

 I  got my eval back.  It was all average.  This has not been an average year.  I performed at least three areas of my performance of distinguished.  It is not fair.  

I watched lately and my boss is just walking around and talking to people.  The favorites are obvious.

I chose to forgive but it is still hard. 

With Spiritual Knowledge Comes More Responsibility

 Yesterday we had a teacher appreciation day.  The principal got a big sign and also a food truck.  It was really nice but again one of those notice me.  Then in a lot of the mailboxes were tons of treats.  Mine of course did not have any.  Last the principal had all the people sign their summative evals.  Everyone's was done but guess who was not.  Mine.  Everyone just signed theirs without really even looking at it.  No comments no nothing.  I am grateful for the food truck but I just wanted to scream.  I have put my heart and soul into this year and this is how you thank me.  No eval not real imput etc.  Last I have a student who I have been praying for these last few years on his temper.  He has made real progress.  I know God is working in his life.  He felt bad the other day when he exploded and even gave gifts to the teachers he was rude to.  He did not give me one and frankly I was glad because he knows he does not have to butter me up.  The teachers were just like aww how cute.  I thought it was kind of exciting that he was actually starting to feel convicted for being mean.  But there is something more deep inside I am wondering about with his behavior.  Why am I the only one to see this.  But then I remember with more growth in the Lord comes responsibility.  Sometimes my biggest fight is not not physical but mentally and spiritually.  I refuse to give up.