Sunday, March 15, 2020

Answer from an unexpected source

Today I went in to get my work together for the upcoming E Learning Days. Lately I have had an attitude toward my boss. I still believe it is totally deserved. But as the copier was rebelling from multiple copies my boss was the one who helped me after I prayed that it could be fixed. I guess I will give her a pass next time and realize that God works through all people. Even the boss that drives you crazy.

1 Corinthians 2:9

1 Corinthians 2:9 GOD’S WORD Translation (GW)

9 But as Scripture says:

“No eye has seen,
    no ear has heard,
        and no mind has imagined
            the things that God has prepared
                for those who love him.”

4 Things

I woke up this morning and felt that the Lord wanted me to do these four things during my absence. First I need to avoid forms of entertainment and focus on watching and thinking about things for their eternal value. I need to watch what I eat and not let the time off to let my quest for 130 then 125 go. I need to limit my time buying stuff on Amazon so as not to create a crazy bill. I need to make the most of this time.

Ecclesiastes 3 International Children’s Bible (ICB)

There Is a Time for Everything

3 There is a right time for everything.
Everything on earth has its special season.
2 There is a time to be born
    and a time to die.
There is a time to plant
    and a time to pull up plants.
3 There is a time to kill
    and a time to heal.
There is a time to destroy
    and a time to build.
4 There is a time to cry
    and a time to laugh.
There is a time to be sad
    and a time to dance.
5 There is a time to throw away stones
    and a time to gather them.
There is a time to hug
    and a time not to hug.
6 There is a time to look for something
    and a time to stop looking for it.
There is a time to keep things
    and a time to throw things away.
7 There is a time to tear apart
    and a time to sew together.
There is a time to be silent
    and a time to speak.
8 There is a time to love
    and a time to hate.
There is a time for war
    and a time for peace.

God Controls His World

9 Does a person really gain anything from his work? 10 I saw the hard work God has given us to do. 11 God has also given us a desire to know the future. God certainly does everything at just the right time. But we can never completely understand what he is doing. 12 So I realize that the best thing for people is to be happy. They should enjoy themselves as long as they live. 13 God wants everyone to eat and drink and be happy in his work. These are gifts from God. 14 I know anything God does will continue forever. People cannot add anything to what God has done. And they cannot take anything away from it. God does it this way to cause people to honor him.

15 What happens now has also happened in the past.
Things that will happen in the future have also happened before.
God makes the same things happen again and again.

God Allows Unfairness

16 I also saw this here on earth:

Where there should have been justice, there was evil.
Where there should have been fairness, there was wickedness.
17 I certainly believe that
God has planned a time for every thing and every action.
He will judge both good people and bad people.

18 But I decided that God leaves it the way it is to test people. He wants to show them they are just like animals. 19 The same thing happens to animals and to people. They both have the same breath. So they both die. People are no better off than the animals. The lives of both are soon gone. 20 Both end up the same way. Both came from dust. And both will go back to dust. 21 Who can be sure that the spirit of man goes up to God? Or who can be sure that the spirit of an animal goes down into the ground? 22 So I saw the best thing a person can do is to enjoy his work. That is all he has. No one can help a person see what will happen in the future.

International Children’s Bible (ICB)

Tuesday, March 10, 2020

Switch

I would like to work on my emotions that cause me to overeat. It is when I am tired, craving something sweet or when someone or something has stressed me out. It happens mostly between 4 and 8. I get nervous, my emotions are finally able to be let out and then I freak out by overeating. I am going to work on this by memorizing scripture and recognizing this. Every meal I will use the scripture. What is good and profitable. Is what I am thinking and eating profitable. I will also do my Emerg C and Fiber earlier in the evening. I will also try to remember to remember that scripture when I go to bed and then when I wake up.

I will not let others who stress me make me overeat and when I do I will use the experience to help me to try to not do it again . I will not evaluate my worth on a number on the scale but how well I am doing in all areas of my life.

I have found some people cause stress in my life. I am not always able to please my mom and dad. That is okay. I can step back from each time I feel like I have failed them and think about am I doing the right thing or not. I am assured that no matter my decision I will love them and they will love me.

I will not let other people's disappointments affect me in volunteer activities. I will step back, not over react and not make decisions immediately. I will walk away confidently and come back to situations after a long amount of thoughts if it is needed. I will go with the peace in my heart to do the right thing even if I make the decision quickly.

I will not let my husband's freaking out affect me. I will put him in a box and pray for the right time to deal with finances, stress and stuff I can and can't control. I will turn off his guilt trips and realize the stress I feel is flowing oxygen to my brain. I can morn for those things that did not happen in my life and when I feel that I have been hurt or guilt tripped.

I will not let others in charge of me or that I work with make me feel less worthy than I am. I will not let my students who have not been properly parented, medicated, and emotionally taken care of to affect my day or my mood. I will allow myself to take care of me with naps, massages, exercise and mental vacations during the day.

Last I will pray and recite, read and reflect more. I will let God take care of the situations and remember how He has been there before. I will enjoy today even if it has stuff I am not looking forward to because tomorrow is right around the corner.

Yesterday I went to a wake. I saw some people there that initially frustrated me. All the time they have a crisis and it made me really ticked off because they seemed like they were getting all this attention. Then this guy that has suffered from mental illness was praying for them. How crazy is that. Such in a place not appropriate. I realized that these people like the children in my room that tantrum need attention and despite the frustration I feel I realized I need that attention. I can't change others but I can change myself.

Today I almost fell into overeating. I was getting stressed thinking about my day. First about how I made a fool of myself when the copier got jammed. I learned I need to give my boss a break and what I will do differently next time. With so many people going through the same crisis of school closing I will step back from the plan I created and then if I need to add or revise I now have more material to go with. Anxiousness is the emotion I feel when I want to overeat and my emotions are out of control. I need to take a step back and think am I hungry or is there another need that needs to be filled. I have a choice to step back and determine whether my hunger is physical or just my brain using an old excuse to overeat. As I look to a few days of less stress and activity of the normalcy of work I will make a schedule and look to it as I plan my days. I will ask the Lord for direction and then have confidence that my days will be productive whether I get more exercise, prayer, creative outlets study etc.

I will give myself permission to indulge a bit more but not overeat, be careful what I watch, pray more and take a step back when I am stressed. I will count my blessings and pray how I can be a better person as I am off. I will be creative as a teacher even though I will not be with students but find ways to encourage them and other.

Today I will be quick to listen and slow to judge. As much as I am humanly able I will try to see things from another point of view.

Today's challenge was to pick a emotion that you felt when you had a toxic memory. I chose how I felt when I was kicked off the worship team and how I felt when I finally stopped my friendship with my best friend who was gas lighting me. When I think of those memories my heart hurts. My stomach is in knots and I feel powerless. I can't even listen to songs or wear the items that my friend gave me without pain. But the time I decided to reinvent myself with worship team was when I got involved in children's church. Then the special needs kids came. What a blessing. Then the moment I decided not to be friends with my best friend anymore. When I said enough was enough. It has been hard and I still may get rid of the things she gave me but I am glad it all happened. The decisions she made that effected me no longer will because I have distanced myself away from her. I look at what happened in worship team and my musical and teaching ability have increased. It was actually a sin that I was not involved in children's ministry sooner. And that I happened to see those kids with sped ed needs that Sunday and invited them in. What a blessing those parents have been. When I think of what Wes did to me with worship team I would have never imagined that a few months down the road he would be out of a job and the person who directly had to tell me the news.
The opportunities that this person has taken away from me are no more because of this virus. What an incredible waste time I spent on anger. I have learned through these experiences to get out of toxic situations much faster. This has helped me so much recently with some other decisions that I have made in my life.

I have learned so much and competition is not as hard for me. I still get sad when I see someone get ahead but I am convinced quickly that God has a greater purpose and that I can receive in His time when I am about to receive.

Even though I feel I am coming to the other side in these situations I still feel the twinge of the pain of feeling like that little girl who gets left behind. I can use this pain to help me see things from a different perspective. I can not react immediately when someone makes me upset and pause and use this time to see things from their point of view. Despite my personal feelings toward that person I need to be thankful that I have this opportunity to change in my mental health.

I think about the job I had last summer was a situation where I learned a lot about myself and I realized I was a good teacher. It was super scary and out of my comfort zone but as I worked there I realized all the situations I had faced had prepared me for what I did this summer.

Now I am working on getting certified. It is scary and uncertain. There has been some bumps in the road but I am excited because I am learning and growing through this time of certification.

Today I thought about the emotions that make me think of overeating or getting upset at someone elese stuff that is really not about me. I am beginning to recognize it and challenge myself to take a five minute break from eating emotionally or getting upset about someone else's drama.

Today's challenge was to go outside yourself. I remember when someone told me that was not healthy. Even then I did not believe them. But I did and I realized that I have already done that a bit. I need to take the overeating and tell the difference between boredom or some frustration but a true hunger. Maybe I have used my loneliness or my inadequacy for food.

Today I learned that I need to ask God for wisdom and take others wisdom as good advice from the people I love but also be open to what He is saying to me. What God tells someone else is not what he is telling me.

For example being healthy is not necessary as a number on the scale. Being 120 pounds might not be realistic or healthy for me. If I get there I will have to basically dump my wardrobe. How will I look how will I feel. What will I look like to other people. What can I manage.

Today we discussed worry that is good for you and one that is toxic. I have realized that worry that is toxic is like a nagging ache in my stomach and good worry is when I am concerned but I realize that the Lord has his hand on me.

I am thankful the following things. Electricity, phones, cells, internet and my pets. I am thankful for Mom, Dad, Mike. I have found that before every meeting I need to do with work I need to pray and probably quote a scripture. After a stressful meeting of the mindless I need to distract myself and do something the feeds my soul and not punish myself. I am now seeing the difference between physical hunger, mental sadness, stress eating and boredom

I will put worry in a box. I will navigate this week how to respond to stress, develop a worry time and how to navigate under difficult and toxic situations.

I am with Christ enough. I will step back when I face a toxic issue for five minutes at least and pray.

Thursday, March 5, 2020

Peace with Doors Closing

This year I have given up former relationships, personal training gigs that were stressful and not fufilling, pacing and coaching to unappreciative people, writing , some key friends and now even my certifiacation with Whole Brain Teaching that I have been really serious about the last couple of years. But that is okay. Let God take care of it.

Verse Concepts

Therefore the LORD longs to be gracious to you, And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you For the LORD is a God of justice; How blessed are all those who long for Him.

Not Fair

It has been a couple challenging days. First I found out the probably I won't be certified and as time goes on my dream of Whole Brain Certification is probably not happening and that is okay. It hurts but I know that doing what is best for me and my kids is most important.

Second I do get frustrated still when people seem to get away with stuff. Like my inlaws that are the beautiful people who treat any time spent with them like you are going to visit or be visited by the queen. ''

I am getting better but I can't wait for others to treat me fair. I need to not care. What God thinks of me is the best thing.

JVerse Concepts

"Surely, God will not act wickedly, And the Almighty will not pervert justice.