Manna for Today

I really like to worry about the future.  As I finish here at Elim and think about the upcoming school year I am really freaked out.  I don't have the cushion of my anxiety meds and I am a year older.  But I am learning to trust God and worry about the balance of today.

Time to Walk Away

Our field and profession is filled with people who are kind, caring and want to better the lives of the clients we serve.  But there is a point that is not always clear when for our mental, physical and psycological health we have to walk away. Sometimes it is a choice that is made over time and sometimes it is a quick decision.  This summer has been a variety of goodbyes and pleasant hellos.

This summer I needed a break.  After being in a very toxic work environment where I feared my job and felt very unappreciated and began to doubt myself I knew I needed a change.  So instead of taking off the entire summer I decided to do something different. I worked a job at a Christian place where I got to use my giftings as a teacher.  I got to learn a lot and frankly walk away and feel good about myself. I got to rediscover my love of teaching and my students. I dread going back to my former employment but I am going back with the knowledge I am a great instructor and I will not go back feeling inferior and be more assertive for the safety of my children and also my own mental health. 

Another of the passions is fitness training and coaching.  For the last fourteen years I have worked for a local special recreation.  

Recently I had to make some adjustments in my coaching practices.  One was in a few situations where I did not have enough staff. Also the children and adults I was serving were not necessarily in the right and safe situation.  As much as I was passionate about my programs I had to put them down because I was not able to give my all and was worried about the safety of the community I served.  

Second for the last fifteen years  I coached people for the marathon. This year I was promised more help and due to the fact that age was catching up with me I was not able to physically serve the pace group of 12 to 26 minute per mile runners I once did.  Even though it was primarily a volunteer task my group did not appreciate me and even though I had made decisions for the group due to their preferences suddenly what I had put together as a quality program began to fall apart.  As much as I enjoy my Saturday morning runs I am in the midst of probably will be my last coaching season. It is very sad but I know that the stress I have been putting myself in will be gone in October.  

The final straw to this situation is realizing that my closest friends ( not believers ) are more concerned about goals that are not important to me anymore and maybe not the healthiest place for me to be. 

Last I have been successfully pacing racing or the last few years.  But last year something happened. My body began to rebel. Part of it was weight gain, menopause and just plain age but this year it is different.  I am seeing that my desire to pace the faster paces just are not there. I am seeking the Lord on how to navigate something I used to do really well not so good anymore.

For the first time in 15 years I may be finally really stepping down from full time marathoning and coaching and just working on my own self.  It is scary but I pray that the Lord will fill me with what is His will for my Life. 

The easy thing would be to busy myself with other things like emergencies that others have caused due to poor planning or things that would hurt the core things I am supposed to be doing.

I love helping people but I have been seeing that I am living under the shadow of people pleasing.  My physical hunger that has allowed me to put on 40 pounds in the last ten years have been my own spiritual and emotional longing of feeling less than whole.  

Lord I know that I seem to know the purpose you have for me but right now it seems to be changing again.  I trust You that you have it under control. 

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Changes in Seasons

This has been an incredible summer of learning and growing.  It has also been a summer of change.  Getting off my anxiety medications has taught me to seek God more and feel my emotions.  I am also needing to pray more. 

Yesterday was a tough day.  For the first time in my coaching career I was not looking forward to coaching.  I had made some decisions that were for the good of the whole running group and out of the blue most of my group decided at the last minute to either run earlier and or longer than the scheduled distance.  That was really tough and I really made myself miserable.  But today I met up with a friend and she shared with me that this happened to her and she marveled how focused I was.  She also commented to me how she could see the Lord working in my life. 

I am praying about the next steps with coaching next season and pacing races.  I am seeing that maybe my time is done.  Also I need to focus more on my own goals and not on being so social or there for others. 

I trust you Lord that you will fulfill the desires of my heart to have a good attitude the rest of this season with the people who are a part of my life whether they are nice or not.  I am trusting you to fill my life with the stuff I need to do and what I am gifted to do.

“The Father loves the Son and has placed everything in his hands” (John 3:35, NIV, emphasis mine). This statement indicates that God is in control. For example, Daniel declared, “He changes times and seasons; he deposes kings and raises up others. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning” (Daniel 2:21, NIV, emphasis mine). 


http://nvcog.org/2016/05/understanding-times-and-seasons/

Glad for Redos

Today I went to the pool.  It had a few people but was not to capacity.  I knew I was not going to get to swim.  Initially it made me angry but then I thought about it.  I could row.  I could let God handle it.  Even though I was angry I could give it over to God.  Glad for redos.  Now if I could just remember to remember to pray Help when stuff happens.

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No Time For That

I have had a few situations this week where I  have basically had to make the choice to not have time for that.  First it was a situation where I was accused falsely of something.  I tried to fix the situation but I am seeing there is a closed door.  I decide to walk away and realize there is a purpose in that getting put on hold.  Second I am learning to not stand for things that have no bearing.  I can't control others but I can control how I respond to various situations.  Frankly worrying about other people, their drama I don't have time for that.  I am thankful for God's grace.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

 Chapter Parallel Compare

Ecclesiastes 3:11

11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

Positive Work Environment

Positive Work Environment

Work is a place where most of us spend a lot of time in.  When it is pleasant we find great satisfaction in our environment.  Here is an article dedicated to ways I have found a positive way to be in the work environment.

First it is important that we are valued and trusted.  Some people need specific rules and boundaries but many people function well when they are involved in an environment where they are trusted.  Simple things such as having an all access pass and the freedom to do my extra work off the clock on my schedule really made a difference. Having the supplies that they need to be valuable goes a long way.

Keeping others safe is important to me.  When I failed a training I initially felt but bad in  retrospective I found that it took more to keep me safe than to just pass me blindly like other organizations had done in the past.  That showed me the character of the person and the organization 

It is also important to be encouraged.  When I started my new employment of the summer it really made my day when the comments about my day and wanted to honestly know how I was doing.  

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Smart perks are essential.  Having a place where healthy habits such as exercise and clean eating really make a difference.  Access to healthy snacks and meals reasonable really made a difference to my work environment.

Making you feel like family.  It is important that you spend a lot of time at your job and even if you are there just for a short time it makes my heart feel good that I am part of the team.

Keeping promises really made my job feel special.  When I needed something it was provided in the right time and promises were kept.

Last a positive work  environment really helps at a successful job.  Even if the organization is not completely a faith based organization I have found following Christian principals that the Lord honors them and they are able to get more out of their employees.

Getting to be a part of a healthy work environment has helped me as a person feel valued and I have learned how to facilitate this in my other places of employment in the future.  THe lessons I learned will help me in the future.  

Pray about Everything

I am learning to pray about everything.  Lately I have had some situations I wonder if I would of prayed on the spot instead of handling it myself if I would of done a better done.  First I was asked to teach Vacation Bible School.  It is happening on the only week I have off until I start school.  So I said no.  I wonder if I would of prayed if I would of had a better answer.  Then I went to the pool yesterday.  Someone got upset at me because I was doing something out of their comfort zone.  I was only following the rules.  I wonder if I would of prayed about it if I would of handled it better  Then last I was offered a job at a dream place.  I said no because of my current position, retirement and pay.    I am learning even on the spot to pray.  I probably would of handled the situations basically the same but how much better if I would have prayed.