One Word

This year has been a year of one word clings to.  The word keeps on changing but remembering that word has helped me trust God even more.  First it was simply help whenever I had an issue I did not know what to do.  Then it was justice when things began to be crazy.  Then it went to strength that no matter what was going on I could trust God and now it is still strength but also fair.  Fair that my evaluation of myself by my boss will be fair and that the things that are happening around me that are not fair will be done fair whether or not I get to see them work out.  It is hard to live this way but boy is it freeing. I will never go back to fretting when I can trust God with the one words.

Today was a series of frustrations.  First of all my last fitness session and I am being watched by a parent and a staff.  It is getting easier but it takes a lot of pressure to be watched.  It is also hard when you don't do it all right and also your participant acts less than perfect. 

Second, a few household repairs have crept up.  I have tried to get Mike to notice them but it is pulling teeth trying to get it done.

I am also mad at myself with the whole weight thing.  It has gone out of control and my size is starting to affect my undergarments and clothes.

Third my aide.  I know I have made some errors but I am frustrated because I try to work with all people but it is hard when someone goes behind your back and make you look bad.


First I can't control how my students act.  All I can do is what I know.  I have to realize I am not a wonder worker and all I can do it what I am able to do.

I need to pray about these repairs whether I should rely on hubby or just do them myself with calling.  God you give me wisdom.

The weight thing is all my fault.  I put the food in my mouth.  I need to use food as fuel and not as a temporary food escape.

My aide.  I did not cause the program to fail that is hers doing.  When I document or state situations I need to use facts and not my feelings.  I leave all the injustices she and others have caused in your hand Lord.  Help me to do what is right and when I report let me report on only facts and not my feelings.

Last I am frustrated because I am living with other people doing everything last minute.  From the guy who runs youth and excepts Mike to do a last minute message to the volunteer groups I do which do things last minute. 

I need to rely on God to sort it out and not take things that are out of my control like last minute stuff and own it.

Thanks Lord for being in control!

Frustrated and it always could be worse

I was reminded today that it could always be worse.  I don't control others but I can control myself.  But I have to admit selfishly I could pull the zapper and get them good.  Instead of complaining to my mom and husband I give it to you Lord.  Zap away or help me to overcome my emotions and grow from this experience.

And a Child Shall Lead Them

I am totally blown away how forgiving my students can be.  From a student who won't listen then hits, spits, they are always forgiving.  I know with Christ I can be but it does not minimize the frustration.  Then today the latest thing was broken from the after school care.  I used to get upset and then I left it with the Lord.  Then today when the umpteenth thing was broken  I was pretty frustrated again.  My students followed my former lead and gave up being upset.  I am learning that with Christ my example can be the change that they need and I need.  

Let the Peace of God....

Saturday I was working my fitness program.  It is unusual because the people who go to my fitness center really enjoy the people.  They are more than kind or pity they really like to see the people.  One person in my program really should not be there.  She spends her hour ripping up magazines, watching herself and exchanging hair ties.  It takes one or two staff to watch her and the rest of the participants lose out.  Even though I am the supervisor who is the main teacher I try to take time to work with her so my staff has a break.  I am learning that even though I am frustrated with the situation I have a good staff to help her and that she is a person loved by God and is precious.  My heart broke when I brought her out to her dad when I saw him standing there with pride waiting for his daughter.  It was all an act and my heart thought about how she was a reminder of what could not be would be. 

Today I found out that at the last minute they wanted me to do something.  It was poor planning on anothers part.  I was initially frustrated and then what I put together did not work.  Initially I was frustrated but then I thought about how the other people lived their life on the edge at the last minute.
What a horrible way to live always on catching up to the worries and concerns of life.  I did not cause the problem but in the future I can do my part to eliminate my part to be a part of it.

I also dread tomorrow and a mandatory meeting I have to go to.  I always feel less than desired and the situation of pressures mostly out of my control puts me on edge.  But then I think about it and realize I did not cause many of the problems that were being brought on.  I also have a choice to not let the false pressure of others go on to the people in my life whether students or family go on to them.  With the help of Christ I can do all things peacefully and calmly with Him. 

Assembly, Change of Perspective and Reasons Why

  Today was a day of finding out the reasons why.  First of all I have people in my life who do not like me.  They are responsible not me for their decision to not be happy.

Second I was dreading this assembly.  In the past it was used to make me and others feel bad.  But this year it was a different perspective.  I felt sorry for the people because they were living out their history in the past.  I am thankful God is allowing me to experience my present in the future.

Third I looked at my job with its challenges and realize that I was made to handle things that no one else could handle without the Lord.  I am grateful that the Lord gave me this opportunity to take what is an impossible task and make it possible.

Last I felt sad a month ago when what I thought I was hearing from God I did not get to do.  This has been happening quite frequently.  I learned today in a few situations even though they were great ideas it was okay it did not turn out. 

List of Crazy and the list of positives

Today I woke up an hour late.  That was okay but I was mad initially because I had my agenda.  Then I watched a great episode of JM and it reminded me that God was taking care of me.
Then I got into my car and went to work.  It was less than ideal with the snow, ice and drivers,   Then I got to work and a problem that was someone else's responsibility God helped me figure out. 

Then I found out that I have to basically document every detail to get help for the student I need. 

The old me would of got upset but I see that God sees justice.  This will work out for my good.

I am thankful for God's peace.