Circle Swimming and Drivers on your bumper

I  enjoy swimming.  It is a sport for young and old.  I was taught if you circle swim with a swim lane you can literally put 15 people in one lane.  But when I go swimming, see the circle swim sign but  it is funny how people have their own rules of lane swimming.  I do my best to go with the flow but i am learning  I can't change others wills.  I like the lines on the bottom of the pools.  It shows me where to go and I can control my breathing but either taking a breath at a selected time or an extra if I need one.  I can also stop every lap if I want or just keep going.  This is just like some decisions that have affected me in my life.  It is hard to keep circle swimming when other people can obvious not do what they are supposed to do.  Just like swimming laps at a busy pool I make the choice whether it will ruin my day or if I can make the best of a tough situation.  

Today I was going through an intersection and that guy in back of me just cracked me up.  He was obviously for no reason in a hurry.  I thought about all the times I have been in a hurry and wasted needless energy and adrenaline when if I would of just took my time I would of gotten to the same place at the same time stress free.  Every stop sign I hit he hit despite his speeding.  I use this situation to show me that I need to get out of the drivers seat and allow God to work in my situations. 

Isaiah 41:10

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

In my professions of personal training and teaching special education I rely on predictability and practice instead of perfection.  I thrive just like my students on schedules and fair firm rules.  It is hard in life when you are associated with someone who believes in rules when it is only convenient for them and not anyone else.    I have learned two things.  First I can only control how I respond to another person who does not follow the rules and second I can with the Lord's help provide a safe stable environment for those around me.  I can't control others but I can control how I respond to a situation.  And lastly I don't have to make hasty decisions.  

A Story of a Fool

I was walking along yesterday thinking of some interpersonal struggles I have in my life.  All of a sudden it was like God spoke to me and said let me fight your battle.  Everytime you struggle give it to me.  A light went on and what could of been a difficult day turned out all right.  Then later one of my friends was defending her passion of her sped ed job as a OT and a fool really ripped into her.  A few people commented and I joined in.  The fool ripped into me and later I shared how the fool was an idiot.  I thought of the scripture and how even a fool is thought smart when he keeps his mouth shut.  I still needed to defend my friend but as my grandfather used to say with idiots consider the source.  May I remember the scripture in Proverbs.

Proverbs 17:28 English Standard Version (ESV)

28 Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise;
    when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.

English Standard Version (ESV)

Cake Story

If you look over the years, the styles have changed - the clothes, the hair, the production, the approach to the songs. The icing to the cake has changed flavors. But if you really look at the cake itself, it's really the same.John OatesI   thought I was over the whole thing about worship team.  I said nothing to no one and even though Mike practicing the songs was painful for me to listen to I kept it together.  Then last night my friend tells me it is not a style thing I was kicked off but a sound thing.  I never took worship team for granted and I really tried to work within the system.  My bitterness crept up again and I wanted to run away.  I wake up this morning with the same anger I feel toward the situation and other injustices I feel toward others.  I need to remember that even though I have aged with weight, wrinkles and physical appearances I am still valuable.  This is just another test to see if I can keep positive in a toxic situation.  Help me Lord to do the right thing with my church and of course with my boss despite the fact my heart has been hurt over and over again.  I am a good cake.  I have lots to offer.  I am also willing to change with the times and styles.  Let me know Lord I am still valuable and let me as I wait to be justified to glory in the other talents and abilities that I still have to offer.

Putting on the Pause and Pray Button

On Tuesday we had to hand in our time sheets at work.  I handed it in and immediately I was told a position I had gotten paid for the last three years was no longer a paid position.  I was pretty angry but thought there was nothing I could do.  My friend suggested I inquire about it and I did.  Then two days later I found out I was not going to get paid for it.  Not only had I jumped the gun I made a fool of myself. Then other stuff happened that day which were kind of goofy.  I am learning through all things that bother me I need to stop, pause and pray before I pop off.

Yesterday I was in line and I was getting some salad for lunch.  I could see confusion in the whole place.  I just was hungry and wanted to eat.  The person in front of me looked distracted and before I could pop off on her to hurry and get to the counter to pay for her items I looked down and saw a injection site that was for someone dealing with cancer.  I realized that the medicine coupled with probably some distracting thoughts was causing her to be not paying attention to the line.

I am slowly learning through every situation that makes me upset or frustrated to not jump to decisions and just pray.  It is not a weird or strange thing but just a time to have a natural instant conversation with God and ask Him how I should handle the situation.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 King James Version (KJV)

3 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 English Standard Version (ESV)

16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Consider it Pure Joy....

James 1:2-4 New International Version (NIV)

Trials and Temptations

² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

It seems like life is taking a turn with lots of opportunities to die to self this week.  First on Sunday not singing was super tough and then at youth group the pastor mentioned every name thanking them for their hard work except for Mike and me.

And today my almost former boss.  It started with them telling me what I had gotten paid for the last three years I was not getting paid for anymore and then my boss decides to get every staff to spy on me with coming constantly in the room checking out what I am doing, wanting me to verify any mistake and trying to catch me doing something wrong. 

I got nervous at the last visitor in the room but then I remembered the scripture about producing perseverance.  It was super ridiculous that my students even commented about the foolishness of it all. 

I am so glad that there is only five days left of summer school.  I will try to keep my little charges busy and not have any more surprise visits. It is sad that there are so many spies in this school. 

 Help me Lord to learn the lessons I need to learn, be positive and honest in all I do and keep the classroom going .  Help me to be invisible and help my boss to keep busy with happy and productive activities so I won't have to worry about his presence anymore.

End of an Era

t was Wednesday and I got the call about talking to my pastor about the changes on worship team.  I thought that probably it was that they were going to use younger people on the team.  And then the next day they made me show up on my time and the pastor basically told me I could no longer do worship team. They were changing the styling of the team.  That essentially meant I was too old anymore.  It was kind of funny because I don't look my age or act like it.  We talked about alternatives to my departure.  It did not really hit me until today and today it really hurts.  After 27 years of being on television, singing solos, being in choir and worship team it is done.  I am so angry.  I am so hurt.  The very church mottos are completely against what I am feeling right now.  You matter?  Ha, I did a quality job and suddenly I am not relevant.  Your story is important.  I have been there over a quarter of a century.  I am not important. 

I know that currently if they go this direction I don't want to be a part of it.  The quality has gone down and I knew essentially I was living on borrowed time for the last few months.  It does hurt.  I just wonder how long my husband will get to be a musician.  I know church is more than music but doing something well and getting kicked out because of your age just hurts.  I trust You Lord that it is under control. 

Job 31:4

Verse Concepts

"Does He not see my ways And number all my steps?

Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say

Romans 8:18 English Standard Version (ESV)

18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

Ever since I started teaching the first school I was at there was a list.  If you were in trouble your name was at the bottom of the list to meet with the principal.  I was so relieved everyday when I was not on that list.  And I was scared when I was.   Fast forward to today and when someone calls or says that they have something to tell me but really gives me no idea what it is makes me on edge.

On Tuesday I received a call from my employment saying that they needed to have a conference call.  I learned the next day it was on something that did not effect me in any way.  I wasted needless energy on what it was about and what I had done wrong.    Then later in the day I received a call from someone telling me of the changes in a volunteer situation I am a part of.  I called right back but did not get a response.  It took everything to not worry about what it could be about.   Then later that evening I got an email about something that my other volunteer group wanted to address to the marathon training group.  I just hate not knowing.  I just hate having stuff thrown on me without preparation.

I believe when you need to have conversations difficult or positive you always need to let the person know and get quickly back to them.  Say what you mean and mean what you say.   

I am learning that whatever comes my way I can handle.  It is better to not figure out the whys and whens.  Despite the situation I am thankful that the Lord has my back.  He reminded me of that with several situations with helping me through a difficult race last night, giving me favor with parking and even helping me make the journey with no traffic even at the worst time of day.